We Gather

[paradoxical]

they're out there

walking
to work,
well adjusted,
obedient

riding the bus,
driving home,
working
in some office

scratching off game cards

a girl
with half
closed eyes,
she turns
to you
and says
something
in Spanish

you don't know what she means

killers,
alcoholics,
an army
of the unemployed,
the insane

walking these streets

burrowed in some
gated community
in Florida,
death traveling
120mph from Miami
straight
to Atlanta,

on I-10
from Houston
to El Paso,
black out
windows
on blackened
chrome

he's not singing any lullabies

death stalking
the 405,
turning onto Willshire,
and coming
straight
up your drive
in Brentwood

the man
outside
the Safeway,
he sits still,
like a statue
holding a sign

just a few more dollars,
that's all he needs

I hope
you realize
this is
your last
goddamned chance.

put it off
one more day,
the last thing
he said to me

are you ready?
what are you going to do?

death coming your way

like a fist
through glass

like a spirit
taking form

all of
this will
never
happen again,
as you
drive home
from work,
as you sit
and wait,
for what?

[miyako73]

This is not to reciprocate. I won't say anything about forms since I believe you have an avalanche of reasons in your head why your poem looks as such except this one, which I find graphic and logical:

like a spirit
taking form

all of
this will
never
happen again,
as you
drive home
from work,
as you sit
and wait,
for what?

A disintegrated line forming a sense like the formless spirit in the previous phrase. That's how I read it. I don't know if that was the reason.

Reading Lockdown USA and this one, I think your poetic eyes are tuned to American landscape and consciousness. Reading your poems is like a mental tour-- my eyes wander everywhere and thoughts fly everywhere too as if they have wings.

[Jack of Hearts]

Even though this reader found your poem confusing, it was still interesting, unique and at parts exciting. You seem to be on to something here. At any rate, maybe we need to see more poems so we can better understand the nature of your 'voice.'





J

[Bar22do]

I'm not very well acquainted with US realities (which your poems unravel for me) but feel the strength of your honest heart and responsibility you take when describing their darker sides. Keep posting, you have much to say and your voice is interesting!

[paradoxical]

Reading Lockdown USA and this one, I think your poetic eyes are tuned to American landscape and consciousness. Reading your poems is like a mental tour-- my eyes wander everywhere and thoughts fly everywhere too as if they have wings.

Thank you, miyako. I appreciate that. For me, certain places seem to take on a life of their own. I don't know why. It's as though I am haunted by certain parts of the US. And the current insanity of our society is something that stays on my mind.

Jack of Hearts and Bar22do, thank you both very much. Your words mean a lot to me and encourage me to keep trying. I think that I am starting to find my voice even though I still stumble and produce rather amateurish and juvenile attempts.

[Delta40]

I get the impression your heart is really sunk in the social scope of the US-probably more due to your last poem than anything else. This may be your forte, I don't know. How do you find a voice that resonates with the people?

[Silas Thorne]

This poem is very evocative. For me, it made me connect personally with the Iggy Pop song 'Neighborhood Threat'. I like the pauses after the few words a line which gives the poem an angry disgruntled flavour.

You've really got something to share. Keep walking and using that eye. Tell us what you see. Your voice is always there, always in training. Don't worry about stumbling at times, you get that moving forward.

Wondering if with 'list a fist' you meant 'like a fist'.

[paradoxical]

I get the impression your heart is really sunk in the social scope of the US-probably more due to your last poem than anything else. This may be your forte, I don't know. How do you find a voice that resonates with the people?

Well, I still haven't discovered that. For a long time, I gave up on trying to write about social realities because everything I wrote was very obvious and way too iconoclastic. I guess it still remains that way, but I hope that it's a little more subtle now.

I don't think most people could relate, it's more like my own sick observations and I just hope it resonates with some. The little that I have learned has come from reading others -- mostly in what's considered "outsider poetry" -- who were able to to be provocative without being over the top. I still have a long way to go, but I keep trying.

[paradoxical]

This poem is very evocative. For me, it made me connect personally with the Iggy Pop song 'Neighborhood Threat'. I like the pauses after the few words a line which gives the poem an angry disgruntled flavour.

You've really got something to share. Keep walking and using that eye. Tell us what you see. Your voice is always there, always in training. Don't worry about stumbling at times, you get that moving forward.

Wondering if with 'list a fist' you meant 'like a fist'.

Whoa, Iggy Pop. Now there's a poet. :thumbs_up

Thanks again, Silas. You know, I re-read this poem so many times and I never noticed that typo! About to edit it right now.

[Silas Thorne]

Cool man, 'Go for the throat!' ;)

[Delta40]

Paradoxical, just keep right on your journey. You can only fine tune your craft as you go along. I didn't mean you don't have a voice btw, only that I admire poets that do develop that kind of voice and I merely wondered.