The Pitiful Tree

[Twota]

A soil was shared
by two little trees,
together they endured
all kinds of weather,
time brought them closer
and their branches met,
but it was not long,
before their intimate
hopeful arms broke,
they pushed and pulled
and hated one another,
until the weaker tree
submitted and withered.

A strong wind attacked
and the winner stood tall
and alone,for the first time,
his friend was down and
there was nothing to cling to,
the wind walloped harder
and battered the pitiful tree.

[Bar22do]

I like the fable-like style of your poem, Twota, and its sad moral (reflecting the cruel law of nature).
You could perhaps tinker with it a bit (the title reveals too much, think of another one; 3rd L, something is missing, for ex. "that" or "they"; why should the two trees be "little"? and another few edits would help), but I enjoyed reading you and felt for your poem's heroes' fate...
Thank you for sharing this!

[Twota]

Bar, thanks for reading. :D

You are right of course, I will fix the 3rd line. :D and the title, I will think of another one tho I always fail at finding good titles. :D

I meant to mention "little" for the trees, to tell that they were good when they were not so close. :D

Glad you liked it. x]

[Delta40]

I like the fable style too and it's good to see you posting again Twota!

[Jack of Hearts]

Yes, Twota, there's a lot of potential in that voice. Keep posting.





J

[Twota]

Thanks Delta and Jack, glad you both liked it. :D You always encourage me.:cheers2:

[ShadowsCool]

Nice job Twota

[Silas Thorne]

I thought it was a parody of 'The Giving Tree' from the title 'The Pitiful Tree' , but still, a nice wee poem.
I think you could chuck the 'did meet' and just make it 'met' though. It seems a bit unnatural in modern English.

[Twota]

Thanks Shadows and Silas, glad you liked it.

Silas, it was originally to maintain the rhyme, however, rhyme has been messed up due to several edits so you are right, I will fix it right away. Thanks for reading. :D