Park

[Hawkman]

The limestone wall,
tall, grey and grimy,
grows out of the back-street pavement.
At its foot, un-swept,
the crumbling brown remains
of last autumn’s leaves.

There are conkers too,
dull and shrivelled, un-gleaned
by eager schoolboys for their sport.
They lie as they fell
from the sagging
overhanging branches of horse-chestnuts,
now burdened by spikes of pink-white flowers,
like sugar loaves,
or stalagmites.

An arched doorway,
long bereft of its ability to bar,
grants entry into breathing space,
a place beyond the choking drone of cars.
Here, squirrels flash the faded
charisma of their mangy tails,
as, chased by bounding collies
and fat spaniels off the lead,
they escape up bark
that has the texture of an old man’s skin,

The residual scent of cherry blossom
drifts upon the air,
the pair, whose blooms are still adhering,
stand apart,
their branches more concerned with giving leaf;
the canopies of other trees are streaks ahead.
Maple, oak and beech compete in raiment
cut from patterns old enough
that starlings scold
while magpies only laugh;
this year’s fashion -
nothing but an echo of the past’s.

[Delta40]

Do you mean beech? Oh Hawk, how badly I want to be in that park! What lovely images of an English spring teetering on summer. Life and motion mixed with timeless cycles and smells. Sigh. The red tail black cockatoos are down to stripping the lowest branch of the tree outside my kitchen window. The rest of the tree is bare as winter is upon us and soon they will be gone....

A beautiful poem and one of my favourties from you.

[MorpheusSandman]

Very, very, good, very reminiscent of the imagism of Pound and Eliot, without feeling too indebted or inferior. I love the vividness of each image and how they're painted in with details. "Escape up bark" is a lovely anti-pun (where, given the mention of dogs, one is initially invited to think of "bark" as the dog-sound, even though the context eliminates that potential meaning). My only quibble is with two of your prepositional lines: "beyond the choking drone of cars" and "drifts upon the air" seem a bit... off to me. I think the second one more so because it's given its own line and it seems too much of a cliche to deserve it.

[Hawkman]

Hi Delta: Yes I did, thanks for spotting the typo, which I've fixed. I must say that I'm particularly gratified that you deem this poem one of your favourites. I guess it reflects on the amount of time I spent on it. I'm not sure that you'd enjoy our spring on the cusp of summer though. It's dull, unseasonably cold and rather wet. I think I'd rather watch your cockatoos, as long as the red-backs funnelwebs and king browns left me alone :D
I can't help wondering why it is that Oz has such a high concentration of beasties that can kill you without even thinking about it. Even ridiculous-looking ones like platypuses can do some damage if they feel like it. No wonder Auzzies are so good at running and swimming, only the fast ones survive - LOL (Good training for the olympics though)

Thanks again for reading and enjoying.

Live and be well - H

[Hawkman]

Hello Morpheus. I don't think I can agree with you about "beyond the choking drone of cars", which personally I rather like :D As for your second quibble - sometimes a cliche is a cliche because it describes perfectly. I could have used alternatives - but they wouldn't have described the effect so well. "Drifts upon the air" is on its own line because the natural rhythm of speach requires it, not for emphasis. I try to avoid random line breaks.

Generally you seem to have enjoyed the poem, and your compliments are very generous, which is its own reward. Thanks for reading and for taking the time to to let me know you had :)

Live and be well - H

[paradoxical]

Right on. I thought this was very good.

[Delta40]

Hi Delta: Yes I did, thanks for spotting the typo, which I've fixed. I must say that I'm particularly gratified that you deem this poem one of your favourites. I guess it reflects on the amount of time I spent on it. I'm not sure that you'd enjoy our spring on the cusp of summer though. It's dull, unseasonably cold and rather wet. I think I'd rather watch your cockatoos, as long as the red-backs funnelwebs and king browns left me alone :D
I can't help wondering why it is that Oz has such a high concentration of beasties that can kill you without even thinking about it. Even ridiculous-looking ones like platypuses can do some damage if they feel like it. No wonder Auzzies are so good at running and swimming, only the fast ones survive - LOL (Good training for the olympics though)

Thanks again for reading and enjoying.

Live and be well - H

There's a difference between an English spring and an Aussie autumn believe me - even if it was 25c yesterday! It's also about landscape and culture and the way you describe this in your poem awakens my sleeping pom. I've only ever seen a couple of redbacks in my life and thankfully funnelwebs only reside on the eastern side. I don't why we'd be so good at running when it's so bloody hot....can't even remember what a platypus looks like since I havent't been to the zoo in years :biggrin5:

[Jack of Hearts]

Its Hawk at his descriptive best.


An arched doorway,
long bereft of its ability to bar,
grants entry into breathing space,
a place beyond the choking drone of cars.
Here, squirrels flash the faded
charisma of their mangy tails,
as, chased by bounding collies
and fat spaniels off the lead,
they escape up bark
that has the texture of an old man’s skin,

See that? Dogs' bark, tree bark? How oddly placed. It's strangely appropriate (like the man himself)! Ok, that's pretty superficial, but amusing anyways. Hawk, this reader has time to spend in a park. And also time to spend with your poem.






J

[Hawkman]

paradoxical: Thank'ee sir, glad you enjoyed it.

Delta: Oh dear, you don't know what you've done... "Awakening my sleeping Pom." I feel a poem coming on - lol

Jack: Delighted that you find the park, and my poem, equally alluring. Making time for one is essential, the other a kindness.

Live and be well - H