Are you wearing? # 13

[Biggus]

ARE YOU WEARING A FRENCH LETTER?

Are you wearing a French letter?
A bulletproof vest would be better
You have far greater prospects
Of getting shot than of getting sex

ARE YOU WEARING CAST OFFS?

Are you wearing cast offs?
I don’t actually care
As long as I see them cast off
Onto my bedroom chair

ARE YOU WEARING A MANLY CHIN?

Are you wearing a manly chin?
All dimply and square jawed
Very good looking indeed
But I bet you’re as dumb as a board

ARE YOU WEARING THAT FACE FOR A BET?

Are you wearing that face for a bet?
Cheer up lets have a ball
Come on just one little smile
Start with something quite small
Great you have no sense of humor
So probably no sense at all

ARE YOU WEARING A PROPHYLACTIC?

Are you wearing a prophylactic?
What do you mean “what’s one of them”
Bloody hell, are you really that thick
A rubber? A frenchie? A Johnny? A condom?
It’s a contraceptive sheath, just put it on
So I don’t get knocked up by a moron


ARE YOU WEARING A CROSS?

Are you wearing a cross?
So are you a regular church goer then?
No I really don’t think it counts
Having sex in the cemetery now and again

ARE YOU WEARING A TRENCH COAT?

Are you wearing a trench coat?
It’s certainly got my vote
Its got you wrapped up well
And not a soul could tell
That beneath its military style
You’re quite naked all the while

ARE YOU WEARING WHISKERS?

Are you wearing whiskers?
Well it’s not really workin’
And to tell you the truth
It’s really rather irkin’
It would be better all round
If you just wore a merkin

ARE YOU WEARING A HORSES HEAD?

Are you wearing a horse’s head?
Are you supposed to be PUCK?
Oh you’re running the marathon
Well aren’t you the a silly fool

ARE YOU WEARING ONE?

Are you wearing one?
Then you’ll get none
No glove
No love