Cummings

[miyako73]

The audible faint of your voice,
A baritone locked in extended stops,
Before long gasps, after deep sighs;
The economy of your satiating words
I beg, I haggle from a loud hawker
Peddling earth of promises for a kiss;
Your metaphors twiddling my strings,
Transforming my curves, my toes
Into my own cello I fondle, I play;
Your warming breaths I catch, I inhale
Whiffing scents of mints and cologne
Onto my cheeks, puce and blushing;
They all tell me about a Summer tree-
Its ripe fruits intoxicating bluebottles
And its moist leaves falling as I rattle.

[paradoxical]

I read all of your poetry, miyako, and I think this is one of your best.

I liked the way you used commas to create a pause within a line, such as:

Transforming my curves, my toes
Into my own cello I fondle, I play;

And the last line was great:

And its moist leaves falling as I rattle.

[miyako73]

Thanks, paradoxical. It's heartening to know that there are people here who read and appreciate my poems. I have began thinking maybe my poems really suck.

For the past two nights, I've been rereading Oliver's two books (Rules for the Dance and A Poetry Handbook). Every after page I perused made me feel and think that I was choking and stifling every syllable my inner voice had. It scared me.

Maybe if I embrace traditional forms and meter, I'll lose my poetic vocabulary, my raw images painting the illogical pregnant and bursting with reasons and truths, my metaphors I dig and mine in my past-- melancholia, silence, and memories.

[Bar22do]

You're gifted, miyako, do persevere with reading and writing; confrontation with great poetry has always a scary element but it's mainly building! your own style is already strongly felt and it will unfold fully, crystal pure, with time, as a result of balance between your soar and self-restriction and with your deepening knowledge.
Thanks for sharing your work.

[Jerrybaldy]

Well done miyako, your poems do not suck. I dont want to get into the arguments for and against free verse just keep on doing what you are doing.

[Silas Thorne]

Wow, this is terrific! Sorry, I haven't dropped in until now.

Follow what you feel is best for you. I think you can probably learn to feel through metre without embracing it anyway.

Wonderful pauses and stops in the first few lines!

[Catamite]

Thanks, paradoxical. It's heartening to know that there are people here who read and appreciate my poems. I have began thinking maybe my poems really suck.

Your poetry certaintly doesn't suck; it's intoxicating. I read it a couple times and each time I felt stronger that there was a heap of image and movement that gradually surfaced - and at the end, well climaxed. It was really enjoyable.