the passenger

[MystyrMystyry]

distant storm

rushing trees

pacing houses

slow factories

hills stiller than time


train on a rail

trickety tack


the passenger
stumbles in

sits opposite

stares vacant ahead


hollow eyes

pasty pallor

cold unblinking


newspaper

sheets

fall

to

the

floor


black leather glove
clutches bloody shirt


his expression
more desperate

and he slumps
against window


my stop


glazed wide-eyed

as it pulls away



wonder

what

his

story


was

[Bar22do]

Indeed, who wouldn't wonder... if that bloody shirt was his, he is wounded, poor guy, if it's another's, he's brrr... a murderer? and so many other possibilities! I leave the poem but the suspense goes with me...

[MorpheusSandman]

I'm not a fan of the consistently short lines and spaces between almost all of them (especially when it's single words) a sit seems a bit arbitrary to me, but I do like the fragmented imagery in the piece. I'm a sucker for stories/poems about trains, anyway. :)

[MystyrMystyry]

Glad you enjoyed it Bar22do :)

[MystyrMystyry]

Thanks Morph :)

[AuntShecky]

Yours fooly is a fan of poems that "do" what they say-- where the structure and the meaning are completely entwined. In this one the short lines almost give a visual depiction of a railroad track while the lines of verse describe the landscape as the train goes by. What's even keener about this is if you read the lines aloud, their rhythm mimics the sound of the wheels on the track.
This one's a "keeper." Well done!

[MystyrMystyry]

Thankyou Aunty :)

(I was wondering if anyone would pick up on my complete clerverosity - or at least compliment me on it ;) *bows*) *


*artistic conceit