Sphere

[Delta40]

Step into this sparsely
filled space.
One missing glove,
an overflowing ashtray
and screwed up notes.
An unknown song repeats,
Games that never amount
to more than they're meant,
will play themselves out
and I go fish
with an empty hand
till I snap.

[Delta40]

Bump!

[Bar22do]

It's a rather tearing poem, Delta, "falling slowly" to the end of the game...

[Delta40]

Morpheus spoke about unintentional interplay with words and I've been thinking (worried) about it ever since. The point is that if there is an interplay of words, does it broaden the potential of the poem any further?

[Bar22do]

Yes it does, words in a poem are at the mercy of the reader's eyes, sometimes he decides about which plays with which, but some other times words themselves play tricks, in conspiracy, apparently to confuse the reader and thus throw him/her into his/her unconscious mind, this endless well of novel meanings...

[Delta40]

Thanks Bar. I'm glad you know the song too! Would you say there is an interplay of words here? I only ask because Morphy brought it to my attention in another poem. (I kinda love/hate him now)

[Bar22do]

like when you say, for example - "I (kind of) love Morph", it definitely makes one feel that your hatred for him is a joke! :wink5:
or like "with an empty hand" gets its full power thanks to "overflowing astray...
so yes, it's words' freedom for sure, and often so very positive and effective!
(I don't know in which poem MS brought your attention to that fact and in which aspect, though)... it's impossible to imagine there exist anything at all that does not add light or doesn't shadow, contrast, contradict, annihilate, build.... its surrounding!

[MorpheusSandman]

Morpheus spoke about unintentional interplay with words and I've been thinking (worried) about it ever since. The point is that if there is an interplay of words, does it broaden the potential of the poem any further?I do feel very strongly that the interplay of words broadens the potential of a poem; the same way that, say, rhythm or rhyme or line-breaks or metaphors or motifs broadens the potential of a poem. But to fully explain why would probably be better suited to a PM/email, or maybe a short essay in the PP&P section. But let me use an example from this piece:

Step into this sparsely
filled space.

The recurrence of the letters "sp" binds "Step," "sparsely," and "space" together to form a kind of "poem-in-miniature" linkage of sounds and meaning. If one only reads those three words, they'd already have an idea of the action (step), the place (space), and the description of that space (sparse(ly)). In one respect, poetry is about saying and suggesting as much as possible with as much economy as possible, and one way in which to do that is to create connections between the important words, especially when they're meant to contrast and compliment each other. Another example from here:

Games that never amount
to more than they're meant,
will play themselves out

The repetition of "M" in "games," "amount," "more," and "meant," the further consonant connection of "(a)mount" and "meant" as well as "out". In a way, this kind of consonance recalls the origins of English poetry, which was the alliterative verse of poems like Beowulf. These were poems that would use the same opening consonant sound for three beats, and then use a different one for the final beat (often described as "bang, bang, bang, crash"). So when you have words that echo at the beginning and endings of lines (the most important parts of lines, as Paul Fussell argued), you do create a chain of associations through sound. One can even look at similarities and differences in words like "Games" and play," where you have a sharing of vowel sounds (the long "a"), even though the consonants are different. That sets "play" apart from the other "Ms" in that respect, while connecting it exclusively to "games".

But, I do feel the need to repeat myself that you don't have to consciously worry about these things, or, if you do at all, do it in rewrites. The first act of creativity should be intuitive, and then you can go back and create these connections later in rewrites. And you also shouldn't just solely focus on this "interplay of words," as every element of poetry comes together to create the experience and connections of words on this level is merely one of them. A poet merely chooses what tool will best work in the moment.


I don't know in which poem MS brought your attention to that fact and in which aspect, though)... Delta's referring to this poem, (http://www.online-literature.com/forums/showthread.php?t=69149) my reply about the connections are here. (http://www.online-literature.com/forums/showpost.php?p=1140762&postcount=7)

[Delta40]

Thanks Morpheus. It's still unconscious because I didn't even notice that first line in the way you did. Phew!

[MorpheusSandman]

^ One thing we must realize is that finding and generating patterns is an innate feature of the human brain, so even when creating intuitively, words will generate other words simply by their phonetic (sound) relationships, perhaps as much (if not more so) than by semantics (what they mean) relationships. Just stay tuned in to your unconscious and it will generate more connections and meanings then you could ever possibly intend, and all the better for us on the other end!

[Delta40]

As a side note:

Games that never amount
to more than they're meant,
will play themselves out

was an extract from a song Falling Slowly by Glen Hansard

[Delta40]

I've changed 'with an empty hand' to 'with my right hand' because I knew this poem was missing what I was trying to express. Do other members think this changes the tone of the poem at all?

[ShadowsCool]

You write poems that make me think. I'm not sure what they all mean, but I enjoy fishing for the meaning. Maybe that's the point, trying to figure them out. Or maybe it's just a personal thing; whatever the meaning means to that reader. I guess that's the point of a good writer. Being ambiguous.

[Jack of Hearts]

Step into this sparsely
filled space.
One missing glove,
an overflowing ashtray
and screwed up notes.
An unknown song repeats,
Games that never amount
to more than they're meant,
will play themselves out
and I go fish
with my right hand
till I snap.

Hmmmm... maybe you can help us through a bit more Delta? This reader is certainly trying, but feels a little lost...






J

[Delta40]

It's about mounting frustration.

[MorpheusSandman]

Do other members think this changes the tone of the poem at all?Well, empty echoed back to "sparsely," and makes it feel like more of a progression. "Right" is more specific to the speaker and, personally, reminds me of masturbation... but that probably says more about me... I think I've said too much. :D

[Delta40]

Hmm. That's a good point MS. Perhaps I should change it back....

[AuntShecky]

Delta, in my indisputably humble opinion, the more meaning and "double meaning" you can pack into a verse, the better. Also, sound effects can also lend texture and interest. I like this one, especially the motif of the card game. I liked the original "empty hand."

[Delta40]

me too and that is why I changed it back. I'm pretty much drained of poetry right now after reading a hotch potch of literary terms and following the thread to nowhere on poets being born not made. Lesson # 331 Learn what you want to learn and read what you want to read to develop your craft and not because a theorist claims to know better.