Tenses in My Understanding of Things

[miyako73]

You unzip,
I kneel--
I am sweating;
You are convulsing;
I was before,
You were too;
I have been arid,
You have been hot;
You had promised,
I had thought you would;
You will promise again,
I will still listen;
You would try next time,
I would be waiting;
You will have found out later,
I will have given up soon.
I would have enjoyed,
You would have known--
You exploded,
I wanted more.

[Jack of Hearts]

There are some readers who won't be mature enough to handle this poem. Like this one. Hee hee.






J

[Twota]

hmmmm :D

[miyako73]

This is just a play of tenses in one long sentence which can be grammatically incorrect to grammar nazis but not to me. I see things in progression peppered with memories, hopes, introspections, and afterthoughts in between.

[Jack of Hearts]

This is just a play of tenses in one long sentence which can be grammatically incorrect to grammar nazis but not to me. I see things in progression peppered with memories in between.

Hardly. This reader knows oral copulation when he sees it pays for it nevermind

[miyako73]

LOL, Jack too much info? Seriously, do men pay for it? It's not sex.

[Delta40]

I read and re-read Self Pleasure looking for errors in tense and couldn't find any!

[miyako73]

I told you. I didn't see any too.

[Delta40]

I only posted that because I wondered if my poem acted as an inspiration for this one which btw has many connotations.

[miyako73]

Their mangling of your already beautiful poem indeed influenced me to revisit my old dilemma-- traditionalists' consistency versus my idea of progression.

[paradoxical]

I read and re-read Self Pleasure looking for errors in tense and couldn't find any!

Same here. I thought it was just me, but I really don't think there were any errors. A great poem, by the way, and I meant to comment on it in your thread.


Their mangling of your already beautiful poem indeed influenced me to revisit my old dilemma-- traditionalists' consistency versus my idea of progression.

I have to admit, much of the criticism here seems pedantic in nature: fretting over a period or semicolon; obsessing over an extra syllable that might possibly through off the meter of a poem. And the insistence on rhymed poetry! It all seems so passé to me. I agree, me must always progress. There is no excuse to rely on tradition and allow it to hold us back.

[Delta40]

You have to remember Miyako that it is always up to the poster whether or not they take on board the suggestions made. I stuck to my belief in the pause despite what was said. You must surely realise that you don't need to argue your case or justify your reasons for not making a suggested change. After all, it's only a reader's opinion and even if I do make a change because I agree with it, somebody else will offer another opinion so at some point I have to ask myself am I happy with what I have written and then leave it.

I think you have alot of passion and it is reflected in your poems x

[Mutatis-Mutandis]

Since when did this become a forum that wants rhyme? Not so long ago, in the days of our belated hillwalker, anything with rhyme in it got a bad rap--it was all free verse, free verse, free verse. Weird how things change.