Nine

[Hawkman]

How shall I kill you;
let me count the ways:
I could strangle you or gas you
or otherwise dispatch you with a gun,
which might be fun;
or drown you in the bath–
I could really have a laugh
as you bubbled protestations
with your final exhalations
while I held you underneath the soapy scum.

I could throw you down the stairs…
and enjoying your despair,
I’d watch you
sailing through the air, without a qualm.
These thoughts are balm to my resentment
at your arrogant retrenchment
of my little human pleasures
while collecting all my treasures
and storing them inside our little house.

If only you’d a voice more like a mouse,
not that foghorn of complaint
that sounds without restraint,
when I just want to live a quiet life.

Your dietary requirements are for strife,
a wife like you I’d rather do without.
Possibly I’ll stab you, detonate
or rotovate you in the soil.
Maybe I’ll just boil you in oil.

[ShadowsCool]

I'm sure many of these thoughts have crossed many a husbands mind. I like her sailing through the air without a qualm.

[Twota]

This is really awesome, I loved the first two stanzas the most. XD

[Jack of Hearts]

You're a sick man Hawk. You're a sick Hawkman? You're one sick Hawk, man!

At any rate, here's hoping for a lively bachelorhood. And then a lengthy widowerhood.






J

[DocHeart]

Along with expressing my thanks for sharing yet another brilliant poem, Hawk, I dedicate to you the following classic Billy Connolly joke.

http://youtu.be/Slw08b3bHFE

Good health,
DH

[Delta40]

I've always assumed you're single. I hope you are! What an imagination and a fun way to put these thoughts to use. Very intricate rhyming there too Hawk. I thought you'd make an error on without and detonate but you saved the day with rotovate!

[MorpheusSandman]

It's always better to get fantasies like this out in print so they don't manifest in real life! I love the disjunction between the lively, fun, saturated rhyme scheme that lends a dark humor as to what's being described. I could see this being read over, say, a Coen Brothers film or The Lavender Hill Mob. My only complaint: I'm not a fan of the "enjoy your despair" line, since it already tells us what we sense from the descriptions, and the "strife" rhyme seems a bit forced. Other than that, it's fine. :)

[Hawkman]

Shadows,Twota, Jack, Doc, Delta & Morpheus: Many thanks for reading and enjoying my depravity. Special thanks to doc for the Billy Connolly joke - LOL. Sadly I don't need anywhere to park my bike as I no longer have one. :D

Glad you all found something to like in my little fantasy...

Live and be well - H

[firefangled]

I hear that! Don't you feel better now and you didn't have to kill her...did you?

Great fun, well done!

[Hawkman]

My lips are sealed - lol. thanks for reading and enjoying, ff.

Live and be well - H