Why???

[kittypaws]

Why is the unresolved word
nothing will make it cease,
it insists that we press on.

Why oh why!
we scream out in despair

Life cycles us
and hopelessness
is the bottom of the barrel

There is so much more
to rise up to.
Why.....

Kittypaws

[ShadowsCool]

I would stick a comma after "life cycles us"
because it seems the following line starts
a new line of thought.

I might stick a comma after the first line too.
For better clarity. Perhaps:

"Why is the unresolved word,
nothing will make it cease.
It insists that we press on."

[Delta40]

A comma is not appropriate where there is an 'and' Shadows. The and indicates a continued line of thought. Unless Kitty removes the and, places a comma or period after cycles then starts the line with hoplessness, it would be grammatically incorrect and it may also alter her line of thought.

I would be inclined to place a period after the first line and italicize 'Why' so the reader is not confused on whether she is asking a question.

I think scream out in despair and the bottom of the barrel are quite cliched terms Kitty, and I would like to see you employ your own unique style of writing to convey that same sense to the reader.

[kittypaws]

thank You ShadowCool for your interest. :)

And my dear Delta!

Soooo nice to hear from You.
"I think scream out in despair and the bottom of the barrel are quite cliched terms Kitty, and I would like to see you employ your own unique style of writing to convey that same sense to the reader."

Yes I some times get trapped in to cliches....and I don't even realize it! Thank you for pointing this out.
I will express it in my own terms.

btw...Delta I am wondering about your new avatar!!

thank YOU both....hugz

kittypaws

[Delta40]

I'm going to change that avatar right now!

[kittypaws]

Now THAT is the sock puppet I have come to know and Love!!!!

:hurray:

I mean a Sock puppet .... who could ask for a better friend?

kittypaws

[Delta40]

Yay! I was feeling pretty ugly being Davros

[ShadowsCool]

I do stand corrected, you are right Delta. Thanks for the grammar lesson.
When you insert an "And" that sort of takes the place of the previous line.
To keep its train of thought going. I just thought she switched gears there.

And I like the sock puppet better!

[Delta40]

I fully agree with what you're saying about switching gears Shadows. One sentence containing two lines of thought.

Kitty have you considered Shadows observation?

[kittypaws]

Yes, I have and it is just me....I need to slow down. I am writing my feelings and they are moving at a fast pace....perhaps that could be good?? Nahhhh, doesn't appear to be that way in writing...I'll work on it!!!

Thank YOU both!!!

kittypaws

[MorpheusSandman]

I like the the thought here, but it reads more like a thought rather than a dramatized poem. One of the challenges of poetry is figuring out how to take abstract thoughts, like the unresolvability of "why", and rendering them into a dramatic and poetic context using things like metaphor, imagery, linguistic nuance, etc.