The Secret of Fire

[hallaig]

The Secret of Fire


You come to meet me
through the rain.
I am talking animatedly,
but thinking all the time
it is like being beside a flame,
and when you are gone,
passed through the weather
to burn miles from here,
I sit in this damp place
with its light green as lichen
like some primitive man
with only water
and the memory of fire,
wondering whether out there
metaphors still roam the earth
to describe
how much I love you.

[PrinceMyshkin]

Brreathtaking! I can only hope that she was breathtaken.

[Bar22do]

This is a lovely poem, hallaig, unpretentious, though complex and evocative, so well thought and expressed.

[Delta40]

I think its wonderful Hallaig. I would usually say don't use the L word but as you're wondering about metaphors roaming the earth....well I think it's appropriate here.

Love the primitive man image.

[paradoxical]

I liked this poem a lot. It perfectly captured a feeling that I once experienced myself and also gave me a new way of looking at it.

And I believe that is what poetry is all about.

[Silas Thorne]

...I guess it doesn't hurt your eyes to look at her then. ;)

A wonderful, heartfelt poem, with terrific pacing. Well done!

[Jack of Hearts]

The sentiments are echoed, 'aig. You right missin your jo then? Blimey!





J

[MorpheusSandman]

An excellent short lyrics. Two things I particularly like is how "rain" and "time" seem to become "flame" phonetically in line 5, and the delayed rhyme of "here" and "there" that, in their distance, seems to enact the distance of the speaker and subject. Two suggestions:

1. consider a semi-colon or period after "flame." I feel like you need more of a stop there, as that the first half of the piece seems to build to that word, and what comes after it is separate.

2. I'd nix the last two lines, or change them, or put them before the line about metaphors roaming the earth, because that "metaphors" line is too good not to close with.