falling in love and staying so

[cacian]

how easy, difficult, or common to fall in love?
and for how long does it or should it last?

[Delta40]

Why not give your opinion first Cacian? I'm so interested in what your answers to your own questions will be!

[Varenne Rodin]

I think effort is uncommon. To stay in love with someone you have to choose to fall in love with them over and over again. Sharing similar interests seems to be important for me personally. I would get bored with someone not as dynamic as me.

Can love last? Yes. A lifetime. Should it? I think so. I'll be comforted to be with my best friend in our final days. I've seen people slowly dying by themselves. I've heard them wish they had stayed with the one special person they let go of, or maybe they never had anyone. I know what my preference is.

[Alexander III]

I only fell in love once, it lasted about a year, then it ended because she was a whore.

And I believe that is a common problem many men of nowadays and of the past face. They are young and naive once, they give their heart, then she turns out a whore. And if the guy really did love her, the same thing always happens, he losses his young and naive heart and whenever he meet a woman he always assumes she is a whore and treats her thus.

A good friend of mine had a 4 year relationship, and at the end got burned very brutally. Now even as his friend I must admit his levels of asswholness are on a wholly new level of cruel with women. But then again I remember when what happened happened and he was crying in my arms and how in a month he lost 10 killos and the sadness of his life fro a period, and once you see that you realize that it is women who are heartless not men. Because at the end of the day it doesn't matter how rich or charming or handsome or how much you love her, if she finds another guy richer than you she will leave you. At least that is what I have learnt trough what I have seen of the world.

[cacian]

Why not give your opinion first Cacian? I'm so interested in what your answers to your own questions will be!

To fall is easy but to fall really in love with the right person is slightely different.
If one is unexperienced in the field of love then one is going to make mistakes and maybe get hurt but then everyone does.
Love is vast and is interpreted in various shapes forms feelings illusions desillusion differes from one person to another.
Love can be a companion if handled with care and also motivations.
We all know what it means but we all love instinctively differently and therefore clashes of feelings are not avoided and can be easily mended if the right people are together at the right time.
I have known poeple who told me they did not knwo what love is that they have never felt or loved anyone.
I found that most strange.
So it is easy yes because of feelings and attractions but one has to have instinct to realise the potential of falling in love.

[Varenne Rodin]

I only fell in love once, it lasted about a year, then it ended because she was a whore.

And I believe that is a common problem many men of nowadays and of the past face. They are young and naive once, they give their heart, then she turns out a whore. And if the guy really did love her, the same thing always happens, he losses his young and naive heart and whenever he meet a woman he always assumes she is a whore and treats her thus.

A good friend of mine had a 4 year relationship, and at the end got burned very brutally. Now even as his friend I must admit his levels of asswholness are on a wholly new level of cruel with women. But then again I remember when what happened happened and he was crying in my arms and how in a month he lost 10 killos and the sadness of his life fro a period, and once you see that you realize that it is women who are heartless not men. Because at the end of the day it doesn't matter how rich or charming or handsome or how much you love her, if she finds another guy richer than you she will leave you. At least that is what I have learnt trough what I have seen of the world.

I don't think that's exclusively a female problem, Alexander. Human beings hurt each other. If someone would hurt you that way, it just means you haven't found someone yet who won't. Decent people exist.

Some people never cheat or think of someone else's bank account. Lots of women included.

[cacian]

I only fell in love once, it lasted about a year, then it ended because she was a whore.
sorry? as in her job?


And I believe that is a common problem many men of nowadays and of the past face. They are young and naive once, they give their heart, then she turns out a whore. And if the guy really did love her, the same thing always happens, he losses his young and naive heart and whenever he meet a woman he always assumes she is a whore and treats her thus.
That is a pretty dim view on reality and people.
At the end of the day with all due respect to you I think it takes two to tango and it is up to figure out that somebody is perhaps not right for you.
To label everyone and thus treat everyone based on a misexperience is rather belittling on one's own self at the end of the day.


A good friend of mine had a 4 year relationship, and at the end got burned very brutally. Now even as his friend I must admit his levels of asswholness are on a wholly new level of cruel with women. But then again I remember when what happened happened and he was crying in my arms and how in a month he lost 10 killos and the sadness of his life fro a period, and once you see that you realize that it is women who are heartless not men. Because at the end of the day it doesn't matter how rich or charming or handsome or how much you love her, if she finds another guy richer than you she will leave you. At least that is what I have learnt trough what I have seen of the world.
I have seen many people live together and not having the faintest idea of the person they are living with.
It is a task to be and live with someone it is also a good idea if the person who think they are in love to learn to read, understand and work out what the person they are with are about.

[Darcy88]

Love is not easy. Infatuation and lust are. Real love takes a lot of things, and usually takes time. The best is when you get infatuated with an amazing person and the infatuation makes you put in the time and effort to win them over in an honest good fashion. Its hard.

[Emil Miller]

how easy, difficult, or common to fall in love?
and for how long does it or should it last?

http://youtu.be/yRTzv49B9oo

[Delta40]

my mother told me when I was little you can't explain love but you'll just know when you find it. That has never been my experience. Mum - you lied to me!

[Jack of Hearts]

There's no such thing as love, just people and their deluded/schizophrenic egoism.







J

[Helga]

http://youtu.be/yRTzv49B9oo

what about this:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Yf7SPOFY6fY&feature=relmfu

[JuniperWoolf]

Your typical image of "relationship love" is too uncompromising and boring, but in my experience loving feelings for other people do exist, and they fluctuate. You could feel any of them for one person or many people at any point in time and to varying degrees; strong admiration, protectiveness, possessiveness, obsession, compassion, lust, &c. They're great, I feel them willingly and never struggle against it. I was trying to elaborate in this post, but the way that I approach relationships is difficult to explain, especially in my current sleep deprived state, so I'll just leave it.


I only fell in love once, it lasted about a year, then it ended because she was a whore.


sorry? as in her job?

lol'd

[cacian]

There's no such thing as love, just people and their deluded/schizophrenic egoism.







J

Well J I do not know about dellusion or egoism but I am sure where there is love there is sanity.

[tonywalt]

I think effort is uncommon. To stay in love with someone you have to choose to fall in love with them over and over again. Sharing similar interests seems to be important for me personally. I would get bored with someone not as dynamic as me.

Can love last? Yes. A lifetime. Should it? I think so. I'll be comforted to be with my best friend in our final days. I've seen people slowly dying by themselves. I've heard them wish they had stayed with the one special person they let go of, or maybe they never had anyone. I know what my preference is.

I agree, you would have to be best friends for any long term relationship to work from my experience.

I see auditary markers in a good relationship with certain characteristics always present- the ease in the way they communicate (or not), a certain exclusive chumminess and sense of humour, anticipation of what each other are about to say, inside 'language' or lingo.

And learning to be content with just contentment. Passion (of the highly charged variety) is such an alluring sensation, many of us get sidetracked on this short term goal - with a certain expiry date.


It's true. I've F'd up a few relationships where I was perfectly content and thought I would seek a higher high. I thought I was doing the right thing with the ''old spark is not there'' rationale. Not recommended.

[Jack of Hearts]

Well J I do not know about dellusion or egoism but I am sure where there is love there is sanity.

Oh yes. Love (or the collective symptoms of the ultimate narcissism, to be more precise) is just famous for motivating rational actions.





J

[cacian]

Oh yes. Love (or the collective symptoms of the ultimate narcissism, to be more precise) is just famous for motivating rational actions.





J

Of course if it is a symptom then it is narcissist but it is a factom then it is rational.

[Varenne Rodin]

I agree, you would have to be best friends for any long term relationship to work from my experience.

I see auditary markers in a good relationship with certain characteristics always present- the ease in the way they communicate (or not), a certain exclusive chumminess and sense of humour, anticipation of what each other are about to say, inside 'language' or lingo.

And learning to be content with just contentment. Passion (of the highly charged variety) is such an alluring sensation, many of us get sidetracked on this short term goal - with a certain expiry date.


It's true. I've F'd up a few relationships where I was perfectly content and thought I would seek a higher high. I thought I was doing the right thing with the ''old spark is not there'' rationale. Not recommended.

Well said, Tony. :)

[Bluehound]

It is very easy and common to fall in love, but as others have said there are many kinds of love and not all of them have any chance of lasting.

I have been with my husband for 15 years, we are very happy and very in love, but it is a different love than we had when we were giddy early 20 some-things. It's also a different love than the love I had for him in the 5 years I knew him before we got together - when we were just close friends, but that friendship is still an important part of our relationship today.
All love is valuable and should be taken as a positive thing even if it ends badly. My first boyfriend was a complete git to me and yet I loved him, in some strange adoring teenage kind of way, from that relationship I learned to make the most of a good man when I found one and not take him too much for granted, which is very easy to do.
After all if you ate your favourite meal everyday for the rest of your life it would start to get a bit boring, my advice...put some reggae reggae sauce on it at every opportunity ;)

[KCurtis]

Love is not easy. Infatuation and lust are. Real love takes a lot of things, and usually takes time. The best is when you get infatuated with an amazing person and the infatuation makes you put in the time and effort to win them over in an honest good fashion. Its hard.

You are wise beyond your years!

[KCurtis]

I agree, you would have to be best friends for any long term relationship to work from my experience.

I see auditary markers in a good relationship with certain characteristics always present- the ease in the way they communicate (or not), a certain exclusive chumminess and sense of humour, anticipation of what each other are about to say, inside 'language' or lingo.

And learning to be content with just contentment. Passion (of the highly charged variety) is such an alluring sensation, many of us get sidetracked on this short term goal - with a certain expiry date.


It's true. I've F'd up a few relationships where I was perfectly content and thought I would seek a higher high. I thought I was doing the right thing with the ''old spark is not there'' rationale. Not recommended.

You are also very wise. I have loved my husband for 30 years, but a few of those years I thought I didn't. I'm glad I waited until I could think more clearly, and didn't act hastily. Because those unsure years or months happen, and that's okay-that is when I write a list of things I love about him, and would it be worse or better without him- worse, definitely worse.

[LadyLuck]

Falling in love is easy, staying in love is work. It takes effort from both parties to grow and accept the other one. Staying in love means waking up each day and falling in love with that person all over again year after year. It means accepting differences and creating compromises that host people can live with. Some things love can not overcome such as different values and priorities in life, but ideally these people are weeded out before the relationship has gone on too long.