Recovered Photos

[Delta40]

Photos scattered
across the table
become like a
book of forgotten fables
that happened so long ago,
none of us really quite know.
Was that wooden ship at the park
some kind of evil Noah's ark
when the flood swept our family away?
I can't recall the day
but there we are
wearing domino shirts
smiling, hopeful,
ignorant to hurt.
Knowing nothing
but what it's like to be free
in the blazing heat of a new country.
So we sat at the mast
but now we only ask
the prints which make us cry
was all that dumb happiness
just a lie?

[cafolini]

Photos scattered
across the table
become like a
book of forgotten fables
that happened so long ago.
None of us really quite know
if that wooden ship at the park
was a kind of evil Noah's ark
when the flood swept our family away.
I can't recall the day
but there we are
wearing domino shirts
smiling, hopeful,
ignorant to hurt.
Knowing nothing
but what it's like to be free
in the blazing heat of a new country.
So we sat at the mast
but now we only ask
the prints which make us cry
was all that dumb happiness
just a lie?

Maybe not a lie. Maybe an illusion. Good piece.

[Jack of Hearts]

Ah, Delta plays with rhyme and an emotionally powerful experience (viewing old photos at certain moments, that is). It's easy to empathize/relate with this poem.






J

[Bar22do]

It is for sure a very powerful poem, Delta, in which you avoided over-sentimentality thus making it even stronger. I was just taking pictures of my very sick old cat, to have virtual memories to cry on when she goes... Best from me.

[Hawkman]

Hi Delta,

The first thig which struck me while reading the poem was the disagreement between the opening image of scattered photos being likened to a book. I may be alone in thinking this, but the image of a book is to me a coherent form with all the pages in place. Perhaps I might suggest,

"become like pages
torn from a book
of forgotten fables"

I don't think one can be ignorant to hurt, except in the sense of being rude to it. One can be impervious to hurt, or indifferent to it, but one would hope to be ignorant of hurt. I'd also suggest that this would read better if you replaced the full stop either with a comma, (my preference) or a semicolon, as the two sentences combine into a coherent whole. However, the placement of

"So we sat at the mast"

doesn't feel right to me, It's kind of lost where it is. If it were placed thus:

"but what it's like to be free,
so we sat at the mast
in the blazing heat of a new country."

This stops the jarring of past and present in the flow of the conclusion. Of course I realise this may have been your intention, but subjectively, it doesn't work in the poem's favour for me.

My minor quibbles aside, the poem captures the sense of what it's like to review old family photographs, reflect on the children we once were, and the sense of separation one feels. After all, "the past is another country, they do things differently there."*

Live and be well - H

*L P Hartley, "The Go Between"

[PrinceMyshkin]

Hi Delta,

The first thig which struck me while reading the poem was the disagreement between the opening image of scattered photos being likened to a book. I may be alone in thinking this, but the image of a book is to me a coherent form with all the pages in place. Perhaps I might suggest,


I disagree with you on this point. she did say "like" which I believes sets us up for any comparison that is plausible; and these are "forgotten fables," i.e. they too are scattered, albeit througout her memory.

I do wish Delta would rewrite the last two lines more like this:


Was all that happiness a lit?

Removing that distracting "dumb" permits you to compress the line and a bit into one line.

[qimissung]

I tend to agree with Prince. What popped into my mind with the image of the photographs was that each picture was it's own book. Now as far as 'dumb' happiness. Dumb is word that is certainly fraught with connotation. Could she have been describing their happiness as that of 'dumb' animals? In which case, it's use is very appropriate.

I wonder.

[Delta40]

I read Hawks suggestions for change lastnight and thought about editing the poem but this time I think I'll leave it just as it is. The reason I used dumb in the poem was because of its double meaning so you're right on the mark there qimi.

Thanks for the reviews everyone.