Sonnet

[Slane]

does this go well

What silent thoughts are sleeping in my head,
behind the mirror of these dark eyes?
sparking the intrest of your surprise
Wondering if they can be read?

a dark shadow on a wall of desire
awaking in the night
sleeping in the light
the destroyer of fire

Only in your sight
I am not insane
but i really am part of chain
Linking my thoughts with the night

[Admin]

Thats not a sonnet.

A sonnet is a 14 line poem (usually 10 syllables per line) that follows a strict rhyme scheme. There are various types of sonnets (Shakespearean, Petrachan).

http://mimi.essortment.com/sonnetlyricwha_rufa.htm

[Slane]

thanks

[Hopfrog]

I think it could be turned into a rather strange and lovely sonnet with a bit of work, thus:

What silent thoughts lay sleeping in my head,
Behind the mirrors of my midnight eyes?
Sparking some intrigue, your mild surprise,
Wondering if they cannot be read.

Some dark shadow on desire's wall
Awakens longing in the deep of night
Where it slumbered in uneasy light,
Slumber that is ruptured by your call.

Only in the shimmer of your sight
I am not a fool, am not insane;
I am but a nexus, but a chain,
Linking my desire with the night.

Come and wind your psyche within me.
Come and kiss my dark eyes silently.

Nu?

[YesNo]

Nice sonnet, Hopfrog. I liked how you skipped the first syllable of the iambic pentameter pattern in many of the lines and how the idea of "eyes" from the first lines got mentioned again at the end tying the whole piece together. "Midnight" eyes both includes the darkness of the eyes as well as hinting at romance.

I agree with Admin that Slane's original post was not technically a sonnet although I have seen people call just about anything a sonnet that is short.

Perhaps the original poem was intended more for the personal poetry section?

[Hopfrog]

Nice sonnet, Hopfrog. I liked how you skipped the first syllable of the iambic pentameter pattern in many of the lines

I do that all the time and have never stopped to ponder if it is a crime against scansion--my gawd, I think it is!:eek6:

[PeterL]

I do that all the time and have never stopped to ponder if it is a crime against scansion--my gawd, I think it is!:eek6:

Yes, it is a crime against the laws of poetry. I wonder who enforces those laws.


For a character like Hopfrog that may not be all that bad.

[Hopfrog]

and yet what delirious pleasure it affords, the breaking of rules.....

Slane, I hope to see more poetry from you.