Antique

[Hawkman]

Groaning under the accumulated weight of years
and bored by woodworm's conversation,
Mr. Chippendale’s sideboard, sags,
disconsolate and brooding on its fate.

Too late for polish, the veneer is gone
and the cabriole legs are bowed with age;
now rot has gnawed the carven ball-claw toes
leaving them infectious like an athlete’s foot.

Monogamous, mahogany adheres,
having stuck through times, both thick and thin,
remaining faithful to the same decaying frame
though gilded trimmings may have fallen off.

Now, in a garage, splashed with paint
and decades worth of muck, its draws and pockets
crammed with rusty screws and long forgotten nuts,
this shabby work of art endures its shame.

[Jack of Hearts]

Well, Monsieur Hawk, as usual any deeper meaning eludes this particular reader.

There's a joy in reading the literal details, and of course it's a fine poem. But parts of it make this reader think there's a metaphor he's missing or something, especially this bit:


Monogamous, mahogany adheres,
having stuck through times, both thick and thin,
remaining faithful to the same decaying frame
though gilded trimmings may have fallen off.

Maybe marriage? Désolé, neither a real poet nor a real reader!

But enjoyed your poem nonetheless.






J

[Hawkman]

Hi Jack,

I think you neither a bad poet or a bad reader. The poem's about an antique sideboard, plain and simple. Yes, I've used matrimonial references in S3. They are there purely to illustrate the way that the various elements are "clinging together," as it were, attempting to maintain the identity of the whole in the face of neglect and the ravages of time. It survives, but only just.

It is therefore not particularly surprising that any deeper meaning eludes you - lol.

I'm glad you enjoyed reading it though, and were so generous as to leave a comment.

Live and be well - H

[Jack of Hearts]

Haha, maybe you would've been surprised if one was invented?





J

[Delta40]

I wonder what value Antiques Roadshow would give that poor chap if you hauled him in? I liked the detail you gave about the the piece of furniture and if there was another meaning, well I completely missed it.

[Hawkman]

Jack: Ha! Not on this forum, I wouldn't - LOL. We all thrash around seeking the eternal truthes, and sometimes we light on them and sometimes we don't. Ssometimes it's just plain fun trying. :D

Delta: I dare say a polite comment about the value of restoration would be forthcoming ;)

Actually, Jack, Apart from the traditional word play between monogamy and mahogany, my use of monogamy does have a serious connotation, which those not familiar with an old, previously accepted practice (which would almost certainly be considered sharp, if not downright illegal today) in the antiques buisness. It comes down to how an antique was defined in the inter-war years, over here at least. A cabinet maker would take one good piece of antique furniture and dismantle it. He would then duplicate the various elements and reassemble multiple reproductions using one piece of the genuine antique in each copy, which he could sell on as a "genuine" antique in it's own right. How do I know this? Because my grandfather used to do it - lol. Buy one Chippendale dining chair:-sell a set of six. :D

So by saying monogamous, I'm declaring the sideboard is an original... Obscure but true.

Live and be well - H

[PrinceMyshkin]

In appreciation of your bit of antiques history, if I were half the man you are, Gunga Din, I would take various lines of this so beautifully crafted poem and make half a dozen or more, each with one of those lines and proclaim each of them a vintage Hawkmandale..

[Hawkman]

Why Prince, I thank'ee sir, at least I think I do... Hawkmandale? Isn't a dale a valley? Can you be saying that I plumb the depths with my latest offering? :D :D Noble prince, fear not, I know you would not impugn mine honour thus ;) Perhaps the term you were searching for was hawkanelle :)

Live long in wellness and prosperity - H

[MorpheusSandman]

I really love the level of detailed description of the piece and how you really work the pathetic fallacy (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Pathetic_fallacy) (just to be clear for any readers: the pathetic fallacy isn't a pejorative term, and I really wish there was another that wasn't bound up in two words that are almost always used negatively). The two lines I didn't like are:

"leaving them infectious like an athlete’s foot."

and

"this shabby work of art endures its shame. "

I don't like the first as I don't think athlete's foot is quite the right image to invoke in this instance. One typically imagines the cause of athlete's foot and that just doesn't fit with the object being described. I don't like the last line because it's too abstract and says directly what is already being suggested. I would prefer it rather if you made some reference to the observers, such as: "this weathered work of art endures all eyes." or something like that, as if has too look on helplessly while everyone gawks at what bad condition it's in. But calling it "shabby" is too on-the-nose after all of the trouble you went through with those excellent, detailed descriptions.

[Bonsai Ent]

I enjoyed this a lot...

I think I actually have one of those in the garage.

[Hawkman]

Morpheus: thanks for reading and enjoying the tracings of my racing pen. :D I'm sorry you din't like those two lines, and I'm not sure that I can agree with your reasoning, particularly in the first instance. Athlete's foot and my collooquial 'rot' are both fungal infections, so I kind of feel the analogy is fitting. The feet of such pieces of furniture can often be so afflicted, a consequence of having stood on floors, often stone or tile, which have been cleaned by slopping water about, especially if it isn't properly dried afterwards. This is kind of in keeping with the general state of neglect the object of my poem is suffering from. I was unsure whether infectious was the right word, and it might be that infected would be better, so I may change it, but the general sense of the line is ok to me.

I can see where you are coming from with your second complaint, but your solution doesn't work for me. This is because the sideboard is forgotten. No one really looks at it and if they do they don't see it, therefore, enduring eyes, is counter to the sense of the poem. Think of the sideboard as a thing made to be looked at and admired, and the pathetic falacy of awareness of neglect and its general condition, is ample cause for shame. Is shabby a little too telling? Possibly; if it had been used as a generalisation for it's state earlier on in the poem with no exposition, but I don't think it's unduely troubling at the end of the piece, given the level of description which preceeds it, and where it helps to wind up the verse.

BE: Lucky you! best get it to a restorer, quick! LOL. Thanks for reading and enjoying.

Live and be well - H

[PrinceMyshkin]

Why Prince, I thank'ee sir, at least I think I do... Hawkmandale? Isn't a dale a valley?

No, it was "dale" as in Chippendale.

[Hawkman]

If that's how you see me then I'm really worried - LOL Now where did I leave my pouch...

[MorpheusSandman]

Well Hawk, I'll simply disagree about athlete's foot, but maybe it's just because I have bad memories of suffering from it when I used to actually be an athlete. The term makes me think of basketball and sweaty locker-rooms, which I don't think is quite the connotation you want to invoke here (but, again, maybe that's just me bringing too much of my experience into it). I think you're right to reject my suggestion for that last line, but I still stand behind the idea that it's too much of an obvious clunker that merely says what's already been said in much better, more interesting ways. Maybe if you could find a way to develop/conclude the whole matrimonial metaphor that was begun in S3. I just feel like you need to leave the reader really lingering on some devastating image of the poor sideboard that will keep us thinking about it after the poem ends. I read that last line and I think "well, I already knew that," and all of the well-developed imagery in the previous parts is kinda displaced. But, again, that's just my experience. :)

[DocHeart]

Groaning under the accumulated weight of years
and bored by woodworm's conversation,
Mr. Chippendale’s sideboard, sags,
disconsolate and brooding on its fate.

Too late for polish, the veneer is gone
and the cabriole legs are bowed with age;
now rot has gnawed the carven ball-claw toes
leaving them infectious like an athlete’s foot.

Monogamous, mahogany adheres,
having stuck through times, both thick and thin,
remaining faithful to the same decaying frame
though gilded trimmings may have fallen off.

Now, in a garage, splashed with paint
and decade’s worth of muck, its draws and pockets
crammed with rusty screws and long forgotten nuts,
this shabby work of art endures its shame.


There is admirable attention to detail -- not only in the manner the old furniture is described, but also in the choice of nearly every single word.

Thank you for sharing, Hawk.

Regards,
DH

[miyako73]

Groaning under the accumulated weight of years
and bored by woodworm's conversation,
Mr. Chippendale’s sideboard, sags,
disconsolate and brooding on its fate.

Too late for polish, the veneer is gone
and the cabriole legs are bowed with age;
now rot has gnawed the carven ball-claw toes
leaving them infectious like an athlete’s foot.

Monogamous, mahogany adheres,
having stuck through times, both thick and thin,
remaining faithful to the same decaying frame
though gilded trimmings may have fallen off.

Now, in a garage, splashed with paint
and decade’s worth of muck, its draws and pockets
crammed with rusty screws and long forgotten nuts,
this shabby work of art endures its shame.

I like how you used "cavern" that reinforced the idea of antiquity.

For some reason, I find all your poems expository- they tell me your thoughts. I don't think that's bad. It's just that I believe showing is more powerful than telling.

There are three things I find problematic:

"ball-claw"

In the furniture industry, the right term is ball-in-claw or claw-and-ball. An en dash between two nouns connotes merging without distinct separation as far as structure is concerned. "ball-claw" sounds to me that it is a ball looking like a claw or a claw looking like a ball. I don't think that's how the classic furniture design looks like.

http://www.cmstatic1.com/4794/c/ball-and-claw-sideboard-and-corner-cupboard--MjM4LTQ3OTQuMjQ3OTU=.jpg

"now rot has gnawed the carven ball-claw toes
leaving them infectious like an athlete’s foot."

My reading tells me that the foot of an athlete is the infectious here. It must be arousing to look at. I don't think that's what you meant since you used "gnawed" in the previous line in relation to the "carven ball-claw toes".

If you meant the skin disease, article "a" should not be there, unless you believe there are many kinds of athlete's foot infecting human feet.

"and decade’s worth of muck,"

Don't you think an article "a" is needed before "decade's". If you want the latter to be plural, don't you think "decades'" is the right one?

[Hawkman]

I think you're right to reject my suggestion for that last line,... Maybe if you could find a way to develop/conclude the whole matrimonial metaphor that was begun in S3. I just feel like you need to leave the reader really lingering on some devastating image of the poor sideboard that will keep us thinking about it after the poem ends.

Personally I feel that the matrimonial metaphore is sufficient in and of itself. The inferences of monogamy and faithfulness are just that, inferences and I think it both undesireable and unecessary to spell out the context any further.

I did consider including passages of comparison to the item's former glory, but rejected them. The poem is about the state of the sideboard as it is now. It is a finite concept with a beginning, a middle and an ending and I'm happy with how it stands, on its own terms. Thanks for your thoughts though. :)


There is admirable attention to detail -- not only in the manner the old furniture is described, but also in the choice of nearly every single word.

Thank you for sharing, Hawk.

Regards,
DH

Thank you Doc for reading and appreciating this little cameo :)


I like how you used "cavern" that reinforced the idea of antiquity.

For some reason, I find all your poems expository- they tell me your thoughts. I don't think that's bad. It's just that I believe showing is more powerful than telling.

I can't help thinking that if this were truly the case you wouldn't have made half the comments below ;)


There are three things I find problematic:

"ball-claw"

In the furniture industry, the right term is ball-in-claw or claw-and-ball. An en dash between two nouns connotes merging without distinct separation as far as structure is concerned. "ball-claw" sounds to me that it is a ball looking like a claw or a claw looking like a ball. I don't think that's how the classic furniture design looks like.

Yes, I'm probably considerably more aware of terms appertaining to the design and architecture of antique furniture than you are miyako. Had you read some of my other replies in this thread you would have seen that my grandfather was a master cabinet maker. I even have some of his pattern books, not to mention books on antiques by the likes of the late, great Arthur Negus. Ball and claw would not fit into the rhythm of the line. I simply replaced the and with a hyphen, NOT an em-dash. The hyphen links the two words, an em-dash would would effectively seperate two concepts as a form of caesura. Ball-claw foot is perfectly adequate to indicate the style of the foot.



"now rot has gnawed the carven ball-claw toes
leaving them infectious like an athlete’s foot."

My reading tells me that the foot of an athlete is the infectious here. It must be arousing to look at. I don't think that's what you meant since you used "gnawed" in the previous line in relation to the "carven ball-claw toes".

If you meant the skin disease, article "a" should not be there, unless you believe there are many kinds of athlete's foot infecting human feet.

I can only assume this is an attempt at humour. This is ironic, as you seem to have missed the point of the joke in my poem.



"and decade’s worth of muck,"

Don't you think an article "a" is needed before "decade's". If you want the latter to be plural, don't you think "decades'" is the right one?

Well here at least you have a valid point, although you seem to have made a meal of it. :D A simple typo is all, rather like the one you made when you quoted me as having said "cavern" when what I actually wrote was carven. Thanks for pointing it out by the way, I have corrected it.

Thank you all again for reading and commenting.

Live and be well - H

[miyako73]

Personally I feel that the matrimonial metaphore is sufficient in and of itself. The inferences of monogamy and faithfulness are just that, inferences and I think it both undesireable and unecessary to spell out the context any further.

I did consider including passages of comparison to the item's former glory, but rejected them. The poem is about the state of the sideboard as it is now. It is a finite concept with a beginning, a middle and an ending and I'm happy with how it stands, on its own terms. Thanks for your thoughts though. :)



Thank you Doc for reading and appreciating this little cameo :)



I can't help thinking that if this were truly the case you wouldn't have made half the comments below ;)



Yes, I'm probably considerably more aware of terms appertaining to the design and architecture of antique furniture than you are miyako. Had you read some of my other replies in this thread you would have seen that my grandfather was a master cabinet maker. I even have some of his pattern books, not to mention books on antiques by the likes of the late, great Arthur Negus. Ball and claw would not fit into the rhythm of the line. I simply replaced the and with a hyphen, NOT an em-dash. The hyphen links the two words, an em-dash would would effectively seperate two concepts as a form of caesura. Ball-claw foot is perfectly adequate to indicate the style of the foot.



I can only assume this is an attempt at humour. This is ironic, as you seem to have missed the point of the joke in my poem.



Well here at least you have a valid point, although you seem to have made a meal of it. :D A simple typo is all, rather like the one you made when you quoted me as having said "cavern" when what I actually wrote was carven. Thanks for pointing it out by the way, I have corrected it.

Thank you all again for reading and commenting.

Live and be well - H

Don't attack me, Hawk. I was only critiquing the poem you posted.

You knew what I meant regarding "carven", the archaic past participle of carve; hence, my statement about its antiquity. It was obviously a typo error.

Nobody is perfect. I even used "en dash" because "hyphen" eluded my mind. Loosen up. Imperfection is beautiful.

By the way, can you elucidate on the humorous part of this poem? I must be blind or a really, really sad woman for not finding a thing for giggles.