Her Beauty

[ShadowsCool]

Her Beauty

Her beauty clings
To the salt filled moon-
That softly wavers
The rippled sea of June.

In the absence of effort
She flings her perfume-
Mysteriously erotic
Till the delicate sway

Of the beauty stirs,
With softness of ease-
And the lips move,
Delighting me.

[Delta40]

I would replace the with her in the second last line. I posted a love poem after our chat the other day Shadows but nothing like this!

[ShadowsCool]

I would replace the with her in the second last line. I posted a love poem after our chat the other day Shadows but nothing like this!

You're right! Thanks!

And I caught that Delta. If it's the poem I think it was. I thought it was rather lovely. Of course, you have some tremendous poems to choose from. I notice your poems are on a lot of the favorites on here.

Oh by the way, which "the" in the second line?

Shadows

[Delta40]

And the lips move,

Being Caught. Of course, I might be a tad older than you and I guess I'm writing more in context to myself than anything else!

[ShadowsCool]

And the lips move,

Being Caught. Of course, I might be a tad older than you and I guess I'm writing more in context to myself than anything else!

I think I got you beat by a few years. A few years older.

[Delta40]

I think I got you beat by a few years. A few years older.

Really? I just assume everyone is a young 'un here on Lit-Net. Mmm here I was thinking this young man has such a wonderful romantic heart for his age...

Uhm you are a male aren't you? I know assumptions are made about my gender!

[Silas Thorne]

Powerful emotional content in the images here.
I do think however if you are going to write a love poem and start it off with end-line rhymes then it does create some expectation that you might continue them. On first reading I was surprised by your use of perfume in the second stanza, since I thought you might be planning on continuing the rhyme from the first stanza, but then you rather killed the flow with 'sway'. Also, I was wondering why you said 'mysteriously erotic/Till...'. Was it not erotic then when her lips moved? Could she not delight you AND be erotic? A little confused by this.

[ShadowsCool]

Really? I just assume everyone is a young 'un here on Lit-Net. Mmm here I was thinking this young man has such a wonderful romantic heart for his age...

Uhm you are a male aren't you? I know assumptions are made about my gender!

Well I'll PM you my age LOL. Not that I'm very old or anything but I'm not a whipper snapper either. I am male. So you guessed right. After all, most of my love poems are tendered towards the female. And I am a romantic minded person. Though finding someone to match that is nearly impossible in today's "let's do it" society.

[ShadowsCool]

Powerful emotional content in the images here.
I do think however if you are going to write a love poem and start it off with end-line rhymes then it does create some expectation that you might continue them. On first reading I was surprised by your use of perfume in the second stanza, since I thought you might be planning on continuing the rhyme from the first stanza, but then you rather killed the flow with 'sway'. Also, I was wondering why you said 'mysteriously erotic/Till...'. Was it not erotic then when her lips moved? Could she not delight you AND be erotic? A little confused by this.

I'm not sure why I sometimes stop rhyming in the middle of a poem. Yes, normally as you say, a rhyme is expected. But sometimes when I write, the words that come to me don't rhyme. And I don't like "forced" rhymes. Though maybe I should use something that rhymes with sway in that second stanza.

The mysteriously erotic line? Well that's the line that puzzled me too. I kinda gave up on it and inserted that in. Sometimes when I write I draw a blank. Go figure.

Anyway, thanks for checking it out and commenting.

Shadows