That First Fascination (with drawing)

[Bewlay Brother]

Charred grass
From a bird’s eye view
Spells her name

The bird sees more

Her perfume and the
Indent of her collarbone

Impenetrable wall
of soaking brunette hair
Playfully flipped
It grapevines
Her damn beautiful face
That she hated

All stapled to the places
They shared hands
Toothbrushes and faces

What should’ve
Ended

in a honeymoon suite

If only she hadn’t tied the knot
And laced it round her neck

[qimissung]

Interesting poem! Love the imagery.

[miyako73]

Why did she kill herself? Very nice poem. I want more. I don't want the images, like in a short movie almost, to end. Thanks

[Bewlay Brother]

Why did she kill herself? Very nice poem. I want more. I don't want the images, like in a short movie almost, to end. Thanks

Bipolar and PTSD.

(to answer question, not to say this is nonfiction - as the rope snapped, she broke her leg, and she is better now.)

[MorpheusSandman]

I love the ambiguity of that penultimate line, and the fact that the final line radically alters how we read it is just a superb touch. I'm not a big fan of the more abstract imagery in a piece that ends so non-abstractly as this, though, because it prevents us from connecting to the situation at the start. I also don't like this:

"What should’ve
Ended

in a honeymoon suite"

The paring of enjambment on the word "should've" and the double syntax of "Ended // in a honeymoon suite" broken by a stanza break is too much, almost as if you had ended it with ten exclamation marks. I would just put "What should've ended" on one line and "in a honeymoon suite" on another line. Or perhaps even consider breaking at "honeymoon" rather than at "ended," because giving "suite" its own line would move us from the idea of honeymoon to the location of the potential honeymoon, but the break between also suggests the intrusion of an event that prevents both. Just an idea.