Four fine people with songs in their chests

[Silas Thorne]

There's four fine people with songs in their chests:

The first man, on the stairs,
open-throats a Spanish hymn,
pacing it back and forth to the roof
but wishing it further.

The second man stumbles,
blues chords tangling in a white beard.
With his arms down low,
he's looking for the key to the storeroom.

The third fine person has long legs
and a purple dress,
and she hums past a song
as I let out my breath.

[PrinceMyshkin]

How in the name of the sweet baby Jesus is one to interpret this, both the three stanzas that are presented and the missing 4th, even if one takes the fourth to be the author of the presented three?

[miyako73]

Silas, is "there's" intentional? If it is, I can assume this is a poem about an image or a photograph, real or imagined, where you are, being the fourth person, in it.

[Silas Thorne]

Actually yes, 'there's' is 'there are' in colloquial spoken English where I am. The 'I' is also the fourth person. Prince, why is this a problem? :)

[Bar22do]

An interesting, intriguing poem, that could also be a start of a movie, Silas; something is happening here in addition to the "I" who loses his breath! and for apparently a good reason! :smile5:

[Delta40]

It's almost as if you're capturing the music inside of them at specific emotive moments -

and she hums past a song
as I let out my breath.

this could mean she hums her own tune past a song that 'I' was singing.
As I let out my breath also implies death.

Confusing and yet very interesting to ponder over Silas.

[PoeticPassions]

Hurrah, Silas is back! :)

Lovely poem, Silas. I had to reread it several times... And each time there is something more to it, it seems.

[Silas Thorne]

Thanks for the comments guys! :)

[Delta40]

Thanks for the comments guys! :)

Is that it? C'mon Silas your poem is like Cluedo. Was it Colonel Mustard with the hammer in the library scenario :rolleyes: You have to give us more than that!

[Silas Thorne]

It's not really that complex for me. It's open sketches of people, but it could have more significance than that, depending on how you choose to interpret the lines. The 'let out my breath' line is open too, but perhaps it's just praise for a long-legged beauty. If I didn't have a song in my chest it wouldn't be written. 'hums past a song' is 'walks past, humming a song', but she is also humming as she passes my song.

[Delta40]

Aha! so I did grasp the interpretation of humming as she passes my song! Well you got my brain ticking on this one Silas and its always a pleasure when a poet is happy to let the reader give their own interpretation to a poem.

[Jack of Hearts]

How in the name of the sweet baby Jesus is one to interpret this, both the three stanzas that are presented and the missing 4th, even if one takes the fourth to be the author of the presented three?

lol Hi Prince.

Silas, this reader often misses the finer elements of poetry, but your poem here seems very nice because the people in it seem sketched quickly yet distinctly from each other; and the person at the end, the narrator or la narratrice, seems to recognize the beauty in one of, or perhaps all of, them. Add in the mix the briefness and the unpretentious language, and we have to say nicely done. Post more, too.





J



EDIT: Maybe 'briefness' should have been 'brevity' in the above? JoH is losing his language, it seems.

[firefangled]

Make that five, Silas. An intriguing title and poem. Good to see you back.

[Hawkman]

Hello Silas, nice to see you around. The poem does function nicely as a series of snapshots but I'm not sure about the intro, it's both prosy and poetic, feels kind of like a bloooos singer, windin' up. I can hear a 12 bar rhythm somewhere in the background - lol.

Likewise, I both like and dislike the last stanza. It's ambiguity and brevity seem to be at war with the expression. On the whole i think the poem works, but I had to revisit it several times. I expect I'll come back to it again and again.

An interesting read!

Live and be well - H

[Silas Thorne]

Wow, firefangled, Jack and Hawkman, thanks for the comments.

firefangled: five? Happy to be intriguing at times.

Jack of Hearts: Thanks for the kind words. I usually try not to make the words in a poem too difficult or challenging for the reader. Please slap me if I use the word 'cerulean' in a poem to describe the sea.

Hawkman: Thanks for giving me your take on the poem. I'm actually quite pleased that you think the poem works even though you have mixed feelings about it overall.

[Pensive]

Good to see you back Silas! :)
I like the surprisingly sudden introduction of yourself as the fourth person! Beautiful.

[Jack of Hearts]

Jack of Hearts: Thanks for the kind words. I usually try not to make the words in a poem too difficult or challenging for the reader. Please slap me if I use the word 'cerulean' in a poem to describe the sea.


Gotcha. Cerulean does not equal sea.

Post more!







J