El Cheapo World

[MystyrMystyry]

We're having a party on our premises
We'd be most happy if you can make it
To our main factory of Broken Promises
The home of You Buy It You'll Break It

To help us celebrate we'd be delighted
Just so overjoyed if you can be here
This rare occasion you've been invited
To mark our landmark seventieth year

The Palace of Flimsy will open its doors
We'll have all of our products on show
Feel free to browse, and append orders
If you like we'll wrap it shiny with bow

This of course, in case you can't guess,
To disguise an item's questionable value
Naturally we'll assume you're clueless
It's easier that way for both us and you

We're the ones who invented second rate
You're well aware our wares never do
While our return policy carries no weight
Near misses, jutting edges, cheap glue

The dubious quality control you will find
Is our hallmark, 'Try this new green tomato
Device - it'll never function, but only grind
To a smoking halt' (the corporate motto)

Whatever you're after you'll find it here:
Zippers that slide and stick at the bottom
Bottle openers that snap cracking a beer
Some flat leaky batteries - we got 'em

Buttons that snare, shoelaces that fray
New clocks that stop, televisions explode
Weird, we just can't give this stuff away
But give it a price, we'll be sure to unload







.

[Hawkman]

MM, this is very funny but I do wish you'd settle on a consistant rhythm. "It don't mean a thing, if it ain't got that swing" - LOL The thing just doesn't scan between one line and the next, and it so wants to...

But it is very funny ;)

Live and be well - H

[cacian]

Hehe...I enjoyed this piece, I like the humour and the lighteness in which it is being expressed almost in a naive fun way haha. I enjoyed the rich language and the variety of words!!
Thank you MystyrMystyr.

[MystyrMystyry]

Thanks Hawk :) I wish you hadn't said 'it so wants to [scan]' - I put a lot of extra effort in making sure it didn't, to reinforce its, ya know, El Cheapo-ness

[MystyrMystyry]

No no - thankyou Cacian. Very much :)

[MorpheusSandman]

Hehe, very clever... I know some shops like that! I agree with Hawk about the rhythm being a bit all over the place. As a general rule, it's not so bad when you aren't using rhyme, but end-rhymes create a set-up and expectation that is fulfilled by the rhythm, similar to a melody's relation to the rhythm. Knock the rhythm off and you lose the melody too. One piece of advice is that you can get away with extra syllables if you're writing accentual tetrameter (four stresses per line), but adding that fifth beat seems to make it so one either needs to write in blank verse (no rhyme) or pretty consistent iambs. You have places here where it seems to shift back and forth between accentual tetrameters ("To mark our landmark seventieth year" is perfect iambic tetrameter) and iambic pentameter ("To help us celebrate we'd be delighted" is iambic pentameter with a feminine ending).

[aliengirl]

Lol! This should be read by my cousin who is a big sucker for El-Cheapo-ness.


Thanks Hawk :) I wish you hadn't said 'it so wants to [scan]' - I put a lot of extra effort in making sure it didn't, to reinforce its, ya know, El Cheapo-ness

Do you mean that you really didn't want to have a regular rhythm? Hmmm... that's gives it another angle but while reading the poem I wished it would maintain a regular beat. Your diction and humour ask for it.

[jajdude]

Entertaining as usual. Sounds like some stuff I've bought over here in China. An alarm clock that doesn't work you say? Sure, we have those. I've downloaded an alarm clock, real loud, 7 AM sucks.

[MystyrMystyry]

Thanks Morph :)

Maybe I'll rewrite it (if I haven't already). Should give me a chance to include the stuff I left out for this version ;)

[Delta40]

Heh heh - Does this make you an El Cheapo Poet?

[MystyrMystyry]

Thankyou Alien Girl :)

I guess I'm just a bit guilty of overdoing things. I've always been that way - sometimes my self-critical valve works, sometimes it doesn't. Sometimes it gets stuck right in between: is it on? Is it off? What's it doing exactly?

This last state usually happens about 5 am when I didn't get any sleep the night before - and I'd gladly trade the creativity for sleep, but sleep just doesn't come. What to do???

[MystyrMystyry]

Thankyou Jajdude :)

Broken alarm clocks you say?!? Where can I buy one?

[MystyrMystyry]

Thankyou for reading Delta - I didn't notice your comment as I was replying to the others.

I live near an El Cheapo and I was flabbergasted at the sheer amount and type of 'stuff' on sale, mindboggling if you try to think of all the separate industries that must make it. Here it was all in the same place all at once - I imagined perhaps a central building of demonic designers and - then: do they outsource? Or is it their own factory deep underground with goblins working through the night? (the other version)

[aliengirl]

Thankyou Alien Girl :)

I guess I'm just a bit guilty of overdoing things. I've always been that way - sometimes my self-critical valve works, sometimes it doesn't. Sometimes it gets stuck right in between: is it on? Is it off? What's it doing exactly?

Don't worry. My self-critical valve (I love this phrase) always over-works, suppressing creativity that should come out more often. Yours works just fine.


This last state usually happens about 5 am when I didn't get any sleep the night before - and I'd gladly trade the creativity for sleep, but sleep just doesn't come. What to do???

See a physician! No, I'm not kidding. It is serious.
Take care MM. :)

[MystyrMystyry]

Thanks for caring Alien Girl, but I'm okay mostly (and scared to bits of doctors - never know what else they might find ;) )