moonbird
05-04-2012, 07:27 PM
There's an epidemic spreading across America.
Go into any high school and you'll see it everywhere, a deadly plague infesting the packed hallways while the teachers look on dubiously. With each passing day its sinister spores spread through the air, seemingly as innocent as dandelion seeds drifting in the breeze, yet its true identity is nothing other than that of a dangerous infection, leaving no student uncontaminated. No one is safe from its ever-expanding influence. If something is not done soon, the entire human race will fall to this unholy virus, and the epic extinction that follows will be filled with cries of regret.
You know what I'm talking about.
Sagging pants.
Okay, so maybe not the melodramatic plight you were expecting. But quiet your laughter and read these words. This is serious business.
We've all seen the trend spreading: guys (or sometimes even girls) walking around with their pants practically falling off, and half their underwear exposed. No one knows for sure how the notion that wearing pants three sizes too big is cool, but the trend has been spreading like wildfire ever since.
Not only does this style look utterly moronic; it can cause some serious health problems as well. To keep their pants from falling down, guys who sag their pants have to walk in a manner similar to that of penguins, with their knees turned in and feet facing out. This awkward posture can eventually lead to bunions, hip degeneration, lower back problems, knee misalignment, and (listen to this part, guys) according to one study, 75-82% of sagging pants teens will later develop some kind of sexual dysfunction.
Yes, you heard me right: if you sag your pants, you stand a three in four chance of getting ED.
The issue has started to trouble guys. In recent years there has been a significant increase in sales of Viagra and other sexual enhancement drugs. Coincidence?
There's more. If a man who sags his pants does manage to have an erection, his odds of premature ejaculation during intercourse are 70% higher than normal.
Rapper Kim Sharpton, who used to wear saggy pants, said that he was shocked when he learned his jeans were the reason for his lack of performance in the bedroom. “You won't catch me sagging ever again,” said Sharpton. Since then he's written several songs targeting other rappers who sag their pants.
The choice is yours: sagging, or sex.
So what should we do about it? Some people have already taken action against this severely underrated problem. Earlier last year, Florida passed a law banning saggy pants in schools. The punishment is 3 days of in-school suspension. And that's not all: in 2008, the police force in Flint, Michigan, began enforcing a no-baggy-pants rule. Depending on the amount of exposure, delinquents can face disorderly conduct or indecent exposure charges, each punishable by up to a year in prison and a $500 fine.
Just think about it. If other places begin following these examples, young people could soon face jail-time, steep fines, and school suspension for wearing their pants around their knees, which, by the way, no one really thinks is that cool. Or there's the alternative choice: guys, please, just go to Walmart and buy yourself a belt. The decision is yours, but I hope you will choose to spare us all the sight of your boxer shorts. Let the words of our crusade ring clearly throughout the rolling lands of this great nation.
Just say no to crack.
Go into any high school and you'll see it everywhere, a deadly plague infesting the packed hallways while the teachers look on dubiously. With each passing day its sinister spores spread through the air, seemingly as innocent as dandelion seeds drifting in the breeze, yet its true identity is nothing other than that of a dangerous infection, leaving no student uncontaminated. No one is safe from its ever-expanding influence. If something is not done soon, the entire human race will fall to this unholy virus, and the epic extinction that follows will be filled with cries of regret.
You know what I'm talking about.
Sagging pants.
Okay, so maybe not the melodramatic plight you were expecting. But quiet your laughter and read these words. This is serious business.
We've all seen the trend spreading: guys (or sometimes even girls) walking around with their pants practically falling off, and half their underwear exposed. No one knows for sure how the notion that wearing pants three sizes too big is cool, but the trend has been spreading like wildfire ever since.
Not only does this style look utterly moronic; it can cause some serious health problems as well. To keep their pants from falling down, guys who sag their pants have to walk in a manner similar to that of penguins, with their knees turned in and feet facing out. This awkward posture can eventually lead to bunions, hip degeneration, lower back problems, knee misalignment, and (listen to this part, guys) according to one study, 75-82% of sagging pants teens will later develop some kind of sexual dysfunction.
Yes, you heard me right: if you sag your pants, you stand a three in four chance of getting ED.
The issue has started to trouble guys. In recent years there has been a significant increase in sales of Viagra and other sexual enhancement drugs. Coincidence?
There's more. If a man who sags his pants does manage to have an erection, his odds of premature ejaculation during intercourse are 70% higher than normal.
Rapper Kim Sharpton, who used to wear saggy pants, said that he was shocked when he learned his jeans were the reason for his lack of performance in the bedroom. “You won't catch me sagging ever again,” said Sharpton. Since then he's written several songs targeting other rappers who sag their pants.
The choice is yours: sagging, or sex.
So what should we do about it? Some people have already taken action against this severely underrated problem. Earlier last year, Florida passed a law banning saggy pants in schools. The punishment is 3 days of in-school suspension. And that's not all: in 2008, the police force in Flint, Michigan, began enforcing a no-baggy-pants rule. Depending on the amount of exposure, delinquents can face disorderly conduct or indecent exposure charges, each punishable by up to a year in prison and a $500 fine.
Just think about it. If other places begin following these examples, young people could soon face jail-time, steep fines, and school suspension for wearing their pants around their knees, which, by the way, no one really thinks is that cool. Or there's the alternative choice: guys, please, just go to Walmart and buy yourself a belt. The decision is yours, but I hope you will choose to spare us all the sight of your boxer shorts. Let the words of our crusade ring clearly throughout the rolling lands of this great nation.
Just say no to crack.