The Herbivore

[the facade]

The Herbivore

One day she stumbled
upon my field.
We rough and rumbled
for a while.

She stalked my stalk
and lapped my sap
as if it held
a great mystery within.

But, then she plowed
me over
and left me harrowed,
lying in the soil.

She had picked me
clean of all my flowers
and made a laurel
for everyone to see.

Truly, love in nature
there is none.
But she loves the mystery
of nature's course
and that is ravenous intercourse.

[MorpheusSandman]

It's one of those works where the subject remains a bit mysterious and I feel like I'm reading as much a riddle as a poem, but I do think the linguistic and metrical playfulness saves it from being just a riddle. I loved "stalked my stalk / and lapped my sap." Although, there are a few slight missteps, like I feel "rough and rumbled" should be "roughed and tumbled" (tumbled makes a good mach for the stumbled rhyme). Plus, there are a few places where the dimeter goes off, like "a great mystery within" seems to disrupt the wonderful rhythm going there. I would just strip that line to "a mystery." That way, you can keep the monometer of "me over," to enhance the sense of surprise brought on by that pivotal point in the poem's structure.

[the facade]

Morpheus, those are some great insights.

I'll definitely look into them.

Thanks!

[Hawkman]

No great mystery or riddle within this allegorical poem which seems to be of the, "I've been dumped and feel a sucker" variety. Well, we've all been there lol. What really lets this down is the final verse. Breaking the rule of the quatrain throws it out of balance and the rhythm collapses. It needs tightening up and I'd be inclined to drop the double use of "course" as a rhyme, which is kind of clunky. See if you can come up with a more succinct and biting payoff.

Live and be well - H

[MorpheusSandman]

^ I read what I wrote and I think it came out wrong. What I meant was that in such poems where the subject is never explicitly expressed it often becomes a game of just picking out what what every symbol represents as if it were a puzzle. You're right, Hawk, that the subject isn't actually hard to figure out, but my concern with such pieces is that what you know what every symbol refers to, there often isn't anything really left of substance, if you know what I mean.