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smerdyakov
05-03-2012, 05:48 PM
Do u remember Raskalnikov’s delirium, yeah?

Well that’s how I feel most of the time

Remorse runs through me as natural as the blood in my veins

Guilt flows with the force of neural electricity

And doubt sweats from pores, from the holes

The heart man the heart

I'm just a walking heart

Do I even have a head?

miyako73
05-03-2012, 05:54 PM
It is definitely a poem, but I'm not sure if you wrote it or overheard a poetic physicist having a conversation with his shrink.

I felt it. I didn't despise you. You didn't waste my time.

Delta40
05-03-2012, 06:02 PM
I think you could start the poem at L3 and use Raskalnilov's delirium as a powerful metaphor after L5.

The last 3 lines are desperate, confused and finish the poem well.

smerdyakov
05-03-2012, 06:13 PM
Hey guys thanks for responses.

Delts :), hmmm i think it's better at the start cos I want to keep it as bare as possible if u get me. I don't know tho - i might tinker with it l8r. Cheers flower :)