Apples

[Delta40]

I picked up the fallen apple
and placed it in my pinny
to munch on later
under the family tree.

When I felt Dad's whiskers
rub against my face,
I softened so
and peeled away some
of its skin.

When Mum was raving mad
she withdrew all her love
and I bit off chunks
till I gnawed through
to the core.

When I grew up,
I passed the old seeds
to my daughter
who said don't worry,
she had a half eaten apple
of her own.

[MystyrMystyry]

Strangely melancholy Delta - it captures that eerie sadness the best poems leave in your heart's memory

Not my place to criticise but I think maybe 'broke off chunks' (or similar) would be better

The half apple at the end is pretty powerful stuff

[Delta40]

Thanks MM. I made some changes.

[MorpheusSandman]

This is perhaps the best poem I've read from you, Delta. It's so simple, but so affective, and I love how it begins so innocently and descriptively, yet when the darkness hits it's so unexpected, but so logical because of it being tied to the central subject. It really is an object lesson in how to take a subject and trace an emotional and tonal development around it. The third stanza is excellent, but that last one is an amazing topper. Excellent, excellent piece that deserves to be professionally published.

[YesNo]

Very nice poem, Delta40.

[Delta40]

Thanks for your reviews. MS I'll keep your comments in mind.

[miyako73]

Delta, for some reason, my interpretation of this one is not of love and comfort. Damn! It's Barthes' fault again.

[Delta40]

Delta, for some reason, my interpretation of this one is not of love and comfort. Damn! It's Barthes' fault again.

No it isn't Miyako.

[miyako73]

No it isn't Miyako.

Did you mean your poem is about love and comfort?

If it is, there are words that push me to entertain a different direction such as apple, bite, whiskers, rub, skin, munch, peel, etc.

[Delta40]

lol. No I mean you're right Miyako. The poem isn't about love and comfort.

[cogs]

interesting plot twist. i can just see the subject pulling out her apple every time she's emotionally provoked. when i see verbs with prepositions, not mentioning their missing objects, i try to find a single word that conveys the same thing. examples: 'picked up, munch on, softened so, peeled away, gnawed through, grew up'.

[smerdyakov]

Dark stuff....third and fourth stanzas are real quality. i know what u are writing about the oblique way you wrote it makes it all the more affecting.

[aliengirl]

I agree that this is one of your best Delta. Each one of us has a apple of our own, just tasted or half-eaten or gnawed through. I've a friend who had scattered the seeds refusing to pass it on. This poem reminded me of her sorrow. Your oblique method of moving from innocence to experience has a stunning impact.

[Delta40]

Thanks very much. I was inspired by recent family events.

[Hawkman]

I really like this poem, Delta, the apple is a wonderful metaphorical device, functioning on so many levels. There is only one small part of this poem which doesn't quite work:

"I softened so
and peeled away some
of its skin."

The so feels out of place here, adding emphasis where perhaps none is needed. I would also question the use of away, the act of peeling is sufficinet. by dropping both words the verse would be tightened a bit I think.

"I softened
and peeled
some of its skin."

but I wonder if it isn't quite the right description.

"I peeled some of its skin,
exposed its softness."

might better express the thought behind the verse.

Have a think about it. Feel free to ignore my witterings ;)

Live and be well - H

[Delta40]

I pondered over using that line. Actually I was typing so fast that it came out accidentally. I'm not really happy with the examples you've provided though. When in doubt, do nowt but thanks for the suggestions Hawk.

[PrinceMyshkin]

What is most remarkable about it, for me, is the contrast between the pain implied throughout and the detached, almost impersonal tone in which it's presented to us.

[Delta40]

What is most remarkable about it, for me, is the contrast between the pain implied throughout and the detached, almost impersonal tone in which it's presented to us.

You see that's what I'm talking about. I didn't notice that until you pointed it out! You're right of course. It's just there. Why on earth would I kick up a stink and say you've misread my intent?

[Buh4Bee]

Hi Delta, I came back to this several times, b/c I really didn't know what kind of feedback to give you. I still don't, but I will tell you I was struck by the depth of emotions expressed. The poem exposes some universal themes in regards to the struggles between the mother and daughter relationship.

[Jerrybaldy]

One of your finest hours Delta. Wish I had or could have written it.

[Delta40]

One of your finest hours Delta. Wish I had or could have written it.

Same back at you Jerrybaldy.