Stressed

[Hawkman]

Great spondee with your heavy feet,
a trochee cried dismayed,
Don’t step on me and squash me flat,
you’d really spoil my day.

A passing iamb heard the shout
and rushed to her defence,
then brandishing a metre stick
declared in present tense,

Avast, desist, break-off I say,
stand back a pace, right now
refuse and dactyls I will loose,
with anapests, I vow.

The spondee was outnumbered
and he knew when he was beat,
so slowly turned upon his heel
then lumbered in retreat.

The trochee and the iamb
then observed how they were matched;
a perfect mating couple,
so their mutual itch they scratched.

[MorpheusSandman]

Oh, Hawk, tell me you wrote this poem for me? Because it makes me so happy! A poem where meter becomes allegorical characters? You couldn't have devised a more perfect poem as a gift for me! Needless to say I adore it, and it's immediately going into the "favorite poems by fellow lit-netters" thread. My only suggestion is that the "refuse and dactyls" is a bit confusing at first until the reader realizes that "refuse" is a noun and not the usual verb. Also, while not actually a flaw, I almost feel as if the last stanza wants to alternate iambs and trochees just to make its point in the meter as well (and, yes, I noticed how you started the poem with a spondee!). :)

[Hawkman]

Hi Morpheus. No, sadly not written specifically for you, but for anyone who can appreciate it :D But since you do, I have no objection to your claiming the dedication - :) Thanks also for putting it up as a favourite. I'm honoured!

Live and be well - H

[DocHeart]

I don't have much to say about this one, except to wish that I were able to (a) be so whimsically inspired, (b) translate inspiration into something so skillful.

Thank you *so* much for sharing.

[miyako73]

Wow, Mr. Hawk. Your poetic claws had me again. Thanks for giving me an idea that a pentameter can be a pentathlon.

[Delta40]

I think Morpheus deserves the dedication Hawk. I have to get my dictionary out when I read some of his reviews! But I tapped my hand through this poem and its spot on if thats any help...lol

[Buh4Bee]

Guess I'm late to the party again! This one made me smile, very clever and playful. I think you had a great deal of fun writing this.

[aliengirl]

Why, why, why, just tell me why whenever I visit this sub-forum after a long absence I always find something special by Hawk? :biggrin5: This wonderful allegory of metrical feet can't be praised enough. No wonder Morpheus was in raptures after reading this.

I may not be good with meter but enjoyed this exuberant poem a lot. :D

[cogs]

this gave me deja vu. perhaps someone wrote something like this awhile ago? even the comments seemed familiar. i had to look at the time it was written to be sure. this was very instructive and animated.

[qimissung]

I think Lewis Carroll and Edward Lear are your spiritual brothers when it comes to writing poetry. This is a particularly bright, happy, bouyant, yes, lyrical piece. Maybe your best, certainly inspired.

And technically awesome-spondees, trochees, and iambs, oh my! *shivers and runs away*

[Hawkman]

Doc: Hi and thanks for your kind words. yes, it is a bit whimsical isn't it :D In truth, the inspiration is actually a Thurber Cartoon, and this isn't the first time a hint of it has permeated one of my poems. I think it was Death of a Poet which employed similar devices, although the theme was rather different. Such skill as I have is always at the disposal of my audience :D

miyako: Now that's an idea :D five verses of pentameter on five different sports - Hmmm.... needs thinking about. I can only think of three: huntin', shootin, and finshin'. Well, maybe four, if I include flaconry. I suppose there's always badger baiting, but I don't consider it a sport and can't really approve of it. ;)

Delta: Always happy to learn I've got you tapping, as long as you don't attribute it to my being Doolally ;)

B4B: Not too late though. whatever time you turn up is forgivable on receipt of your smile ;) Yes, it was fun, one of those easy ones :D

Ripley: welcome back, and as always, thanks for your kind words. Why do you keep finding my stuff on the boards? Because I just won't go away, I suppose. LOL To get good with meter it helps to listen to metrical poetry being read, rather than reading it cold off the page. If it's an area considered to be a weakness by a writer, reading and listening at the same time will establish the patterns in the mind. Once bedded-in, they can be called upon at will. Nursery rhymes, ballades, and Shakespeare are good places to start, then folks like Longfellow, Byron Keates and Shelley. Practice writing like them then try to write like them in modern English :D Generally It's better to hear poems read by good actors, rather than good poets, who don't always read well, but there are many exceptions to this rule, like; John Cooper Clarke, Roger McGough and John Betjemen.

cogs: Yes, I get that a lot - lol. You might have been thinking of one of my older poems, see my reply to Doc. Glad you got something from it. :)

qim: Yes, they are part of my pantheon :D Don't forget Hilaire Belloc and Ogden Nash ;) But, as I told Doc, Thurber was the true inspiration for the idea at least. Well, I hope you won't run too far...


Thank you all again for reading and for your kind comments.

Live and be well - H

[aliengirl]

Ripley: welcome back, and as always, thanks for your kind words. Why do you keep finding my stuff on the boards? Because I just won't go away, I suppose. LOL To get good with meter it helps to listen to metrical poetry being read, rather than reading it cold off the page. If it's an area considered to be a weakness by a writer, reading and listening at the same time will establish the patterns in the mind. Once bedded-in, they can be called upon at will. Nursery rhymes, ballades, and Shakespeare are good places to start, then folks like Longfellow, Byron Keates and Shelley. Practice writing like them then try to write like them in modern English :D Generally It's better to hear poems read by good actors, rather than good poets, who don't always read well, but there are many exceptions to this rule, like; John Cooper Clarke, Roger McGough and John Betjemen.


Live and be well - H

I sincerely wish you'd never go away from here. Thank you for this piece of useful advice. I think listening (and reading) metrical poetry will surely help. It is not easy for a second language speaker to be skillful with meter specially if the first language has a totally different method of analyzing meter and rhythm. It is sometimes so absurd and laughable that I can fairly guess what the next word or even line will be in my MT but still have difficulty with English meter.
But again I'm not working upon it for a long time, only a year or less than that. So I think there is scope for improvement. Thanks for sharing your experience and of course, your work. :)