The Final Hour

[ShadowsCool]

The Final Hour

Man peers through his atmosphere,
His eyes look beyond the grave;
The laughter he buried and the sin
he shamed.

His poets he slaughtered,
Paying homage to his fools,
who laughed joyously in their cool.

They never figured a god was with them,
They took what was good
and stole you.

And now busy living it up,
You are living like living does
the final hour looking the other way.

[michaelsbearre]

The Final Hour

Man peers through his atmosphere,
His eyes look beyond the grave;
The laughter he buried and the sin
he shamed.

His poets he slaughtered,
Paying homage to his fools,
who laughed joyously in their cool.

They never figured a god was with them,
They took what was good
and stole you.

And now busy living it up,
You are living like living does
the final hour looking the other way.

It's got a dark feel to it. I likes

[MorpheusSandman]

That last line is superb in its surprising originality but intuitive logic. It reminds me of the end of Frost's Not All There. But there are some real problems elsewhere. "the sin he shamed" doesn't really make sense (how does one shame sin?), and "laughed joyously in their cool" sounds a bit clunky, and the adverb is redundant. "Living like living does" is funky as well; it seems to want to be "Living like the living do."

[ShadowsCool]

Thanks Morpheus for your poignant assessment. I'll need to clean up those dull lines.