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Delta40
04-29-2012, 05:37 PM
Enya was at full blast
when the day did a runner
but it still couldn't escape
its own reality.
A doctor
and three orderlies
restrained it,
then dragged it away
to a locked ward.
A man frothing with facts
laid them face down
like a pack of cards
on a chipped mosaic table
and dared me to choose one,
while a woman laughed in stitches
of mohair wool and crochet hooks.
When chicken kebabs were
served to the visitors,
I missed my bus,
my stop.
On Sunday I woke,
staring at the ceiling fan.
MorpheusSandman
04-30-2012, 03:58 AM
A very interesting and disturbing surrealistic piece, Delta! I'm not sure I quite know what to say about the content or form on this one, but it did leave me scratching my head in a good way!
Delta40
04-30-2012, 09:09 AM
A very interesting and disturbing surrealistic piece, Delta! I'm not sure I quite know what to say about the content or form on this one, but it did leave me scratching my head in a good way!

I'll take your review as a compliment Morpheus!
MystyrMystyry
04-30-2012, 09:18 AM
Is it the logical conclusion of being an avant garde - society doesn't get it, so off to the funhouse? Could be...
Delta40
04-30-2012, 09:22 AM
Is it the logical conclusion of being an avant garde - society doesn't get it, so off to the funhouse? Could be...

....I'm on my way :incazzato:
Hawkman
04-30-2012, 04:45 PM
The only thing that jars in this one is the opening. You have kind of split the the opening concept around the Enya bit. I'd start with Enya and let the description of the day flow from it.

"Enya was at full blast
when the day did a runner,
but still couldn't escape
its own reality."

Just a suggestion.

Apart from this it's a great Kafkaesque moment :)

Live and be well - H
Delta40
04-30-2012, 05:09 PM
The only thing that jars in this one is the opening. You have kind of split the the opening concept around the Enya bit. I'd start with Enya and let the description of the day flow from it.

"Enya was at full blast
when the day did a runner,
but still couldn't escape
its own reality."

Just a suggestion.

Apart from this it's a great Kafkaesque moment :)

Live and be well - H

Thanks Hawk that is a great suggestion. I'll edit it now. If I ever want to publish a book of poetry, will you be my editor? :biggrin5:
Hawkman
04-30-2012, 08:01 PM
If you cross my palm with silver... :D