poetry is

[cacian]

poetry as I see it,
is a string of thoughts
that are be it,
words are the pastels
of the say
meanings are the clarines
of the may

poetry is like a rising sun
it comes and goes
in loops of golds
and sprinkles hints
of hopeful worlds
across the pastures
of the mind

poetry is melody
of notes
that plays the cello
up in highs
then slows down to become
an A
it's gentlest symphony of
hearts

poetry is a history
of you
it is a stream
of sense and due
it tells of scenes
in future views
it's parody
to memory
it makes you the center lieu
and celebrates
a perfect you

[Sophia21]

Beautiful lines cacian ! That's really what poetry is.

[AuntShecky]

The thought's good, the structure's okay, (anaphora is effective here) but some glaring lapses of syntax ruin the effect, f' instance:


is a string of thoughts
that are be it,


words are the pastels
of the say

say what?


in loops of golds
and sprinkles hints

in loops of gold[/B (no "s")
]and sprinkle[B]d hints


poetry is melody
of notes
that plays the cello

"that plays the cello" is closer to "notes," not "melody" so the verb should be plural -- "notes that play the cello"


poetry is a history
of you
it is a stream
of sense and due
it tells of scenes
in future views
it's parody
to memory
it makes you the center lieu
and celebrates
a perfect you

There are many poetic forms, like the M.E. "bob-and-wheel," in which part of the verse is unrhymed and a latter part does have rhyme, but -- no matter where the rhyming stanza occurs-- the rhyming portion requires metrical symmetry.(This is the rule Ogden Nash often broke, but you and I, I daresay, aren't Ogden Nash.) Whenever a word ending a line rhymes, the line that contains its rhyming partner should be roughly the same length, same number of stresses and feet. Both rhymes should be syllables.


it makes you the center lieu

Huh?

[Delta40]

That's the thing about your writing Cacian. I agree with everything Auntie says (Oh to be like Auntie) Your beautiful thoughts are like a string of beads that have snapped and scattered in every direction and I find myself creeping round on all fours collecting them one by one...

You are however, a unique poet in your own right!

[ShadowsCool]

I like the 2nd stanza the best. It's pretty good overall.

[AuntShecky]

[QUOTE=Delta40;1136004] (Oh to be like Auntie)
QUOTE]

Oh, no, no, no, dear Delta -- that is a fate I would not wish upon my worst-est enemy.

[Delta40]

[QUOTE=Delta40;1136004] (Oh to be like Auntie)
QUOTE]

Oh, no, no, no, dear Delta -- that is a fate I would not wish upon my worst-est enemy.

worst-est? I mean I'd love to have your critiquing abilities. When I was critiquing a short story the other day I was thinking 'This person really needs Auntie' and I hoped you would come along and offer some handy tools for the writer and you did! Now don't reject a compliment when it comes your way - it's socially rude...

[cacian]

Thank you all very much.
All feedback has been appreciated and taken on board.

[michaelsbearre]

poetry as I see it,
is a string of thoughts
that are be it,
words are the pastels
of the say
meanings are the clarines
of the may

poetry is like a rising sun
it comes and goes
in loops of golds
and sprinkles hints
of hopeful worlds
across the pastures
of the mind

poetry is melody
of notes
that plays the cello
up in highs
then slows down to become
an A
it's gentlest symphony of
hearts

poetry is a history
of you
it is a stream
of sense and due
it tells of scenes
in future views
it's parody
to memory
it makes you the center lieu
and celebrates
a perfect you

LOVE the poem! I wish people would take in consideration what the poet is feeling and saying instead of always comparing new work to the works of old. Poetry changes and I welcome your style! If we all follow suit to other styles, then what makes us any different from anyone else? I THINK you nailed what poetry is and this poem is perfect as is. I see a lot of metaphorical meanings in which others don't get because they take the poem too literal, as in "words are the pastels
of the say" Freakin GENIUS.

"poetry is melody
of notes
that plays the cello
up in highs
then slows down to become
an A
it's gentlest symphony of
hearts" <<< Freakin amazing, AWESOME metaphor for what poetry is. THE WHOLE poem is just perfect the way it is. LEAVE mystery to your work and keep it up!