Biggus
04-24-2012, 04:34 AM
SINCE THE BBC SACKED ALL THE DALEKS # 7
Since the BBC sacked all the Daleks
Most are just scrounging off the state
But there is one working at Tesco’s
He doesn’t really communicate
And it scares a lot of the shoppers
When it says Extortionate, Extortionate
DON’T LEAVE HOME WITHOUT THEM
I recently saw an email
With photos of celebrity types
Getting out of sports cars
Showing off their tripe’s
Now not wearing panties
And showing off your ***
Isn’t very cultured
And is really lacking class
DOCTOR HUSBAND
The doctor and his wife
Were having a fight
At the breakfast table.
But before he took flight
From the tempestuous scene
These terrible words were said
In the heat of the moment
“And you’re no good in bed”
Later when he got home
She and another were in sexual union
“What are you doing?”
He yelled on the unhappy reunion
She replied calmly
“I was getting a second opinion!'
REGULAR HABITS
I pee every morning at 6 am.
Like the proverbial racehorse
And I evacuate my bowels
30 minutes later in force
Which would be perfect
If by then I was awake of course
DOCTOR PLEASE
“Doctor please help me?
I have a ringing in my ears"
He replied “if they ask for me
Tell them I’m not here”
DOUBLE STANDARDS
If a woman sleeps with ten men in a week
She is regarded in a sluttish way
Whereas if a man behaved in like wise
He’s regarded as a bit of a lad or gay
SUPPORT GROUP - LOW SELF ESTEEM
Do you suffer from Low Self Esteem?
Well that’s what Support groups are for
We meet every Thursday at 7 PM.
Just remember to use the back door
VERY POOR RECEPTION
An elderly man entered the surgery
And approached the receptionist
“Good morning, can I see the doctor?”
With a face that had never been kissed
And a manner to match she demanded
He tell her why he needed to go on the list
But he didn’t want to discuss it in reception
“You’ll have to tell me I really must insist”
Looking around at the other patients
'I’ve a problem with my dick', he replied
“You cannot say things like that
In the surgery” the receptionist chastised
“But you did ask me what was wrong
I must have misunderstood; sorry” he lied
“You should be a little more discreet
You have caused embarrassment I fear”
The Receptionist continued on
“You should say the problem is with your ear,
“You can be more frank with the doctor
But not cause any upset out here”
The man replied, “Why did you ask me
What was wrong, In front of everyone?
You shouldn't ask people questions
That could embarrass anyone”
The man walked out, waited several minutes,
And then returned to where he’d begun
“Good morning, can I see the doctor?”
He asked through dentures grit
The Receptionist smiled smugly
Enjoying the moment more than a bit
'There's something wrong with my ear,' he said
The Receptionist liked to see patients submit
“And what is wrong with your ear, Sir?”
Then he loudly said “I can't piss out of it,”
THE CARIBOU COLLECTIVE
The Caribou is the soberest beast
A wandering woodsman could meat
But get them in a group of threes or twos
They soon become the Caribooze
MOOSE ON THE LOOSE
When a Moose goes on holiday
He likes nothing better
Than eating the local cuisine
Especially the Moosesaka
Since the BBC sacked all the Daleks
Most are just scrounging off the state
But there is one working at Tesco’s
He doesn’t really communicate
And it scares a lot of the shoppers
When it says Extortionate, Extortionate
DON’T LEAVE HOME WITHOUT THEM
I recently saw an email
With photos of celebrity types
Getting out of sports cars
Showing off their tripe’s
Now not wearing panties
And showing off your ***
Isn’t very cultured
And is really lacking class
DOCTOR HUSBAND
The doctor and his wife
Were having a fight
At the breakfast table.
But before he took flight
From the tempestuous scene
These terrible words were said
In the heat of the moment
“And you’re no good in bed”
Later when he got home
She and another were in sexual union
“What are you doing?”
He yelled on the unhappy reunion
She replied calmly
“I was getting a second opinion!'
REGULAR HABITS
I pee every morning at 6 am.
Like the proverbial racehorse
And I evacuate my bowels
30 minutes later in force
Which would be perfect
If by then I was awake of course
DOCTOR PLEASE
“Doctor please help me?
I have a ringing in my ears"
He replied “if they ask for me
Tell them I’m not here”
DOUBLE STANDARDS
If a woman sleeps with ten men in a week
She is regarded in a sluttish way
Whereas if a man behaved in like wise
He’s regarded as a bit of a lad or gay
SUPPORT GROUP - LOW SELF ESTEEM
Do you suffer from Low Self Esteem?
Well that’s what Support groups are for
We meet every Thursday at 7 PM.
Just remember to use the back door
VERY POOR RECEPTION
An elderly man entered the surgery
And approached the receptionist
“Good morning, can I see the doctor?”
With a face that had never been kissed
And a manner to match she demanded
He tell her why he needed to go on the list
But he didn’t want to discuss it in reception
“You’ll have to tell me I really must insist”
Looking around at the other patients
'I’ve a problem with my dick', he replied
“You cannot say things like that
In the surgery” the receptionist chastised
“But you did ask me what was wrong
I must have misunderstood; sorry” he lied
“You should be a little more discreet
You have caused embarrassment I fear”
The Receptionist continued on
“You should say the problem is with your ear,
“You can be more frank with the doctor
But not cause any upset out here”
The man replied, “Why did you ask me
What was wrong, In front of everyone?
You shouldn't ask people questions
That could embarrass anyone”
The man walked out, waited several minutes,
And then returned to where he’d begun
“Good morning, can I see the doctor?”
He asked through dentures grit
The Receptionist smiled smugly
Enjoying the moment more than a bit
'There's something wrong with my ear,' he said
The Receptionist liked to see patients submit
“And what is wrong with your ear, Sir?”
Then he loudly said “I can't piss out of it,”
THE CARIBOU COLLECTIVE
The Caribou is the soberest beast
A wandering woodsman could meat
But get them in a group of threes or twos
They soon become the Caribooze
MOOSE ON THE LOOSE
When a Moose goes on holiday
He likes nothing better
Than eating the local cuisine
Especially the Moosesaka