Are you wearing? # 9

[Biggus]

ARE YOU WEARING A WIG?

Are you wearing a wig?
No I’m not having a dig
I’m not a fan of them
But this is an ill fitting item

It just doesn’t suit you
I know it’s just my view
I’m not meaning to nag
You look like you’re in drag

ARE YOU WEARING A TUTU?

Are you wearing a tutu?
Oh it really does suit you
Give me a twirl oh do do
In your pretty little tutu
ARE YOU WEARING A BOB?

Are you wearing your hair in a bob?
I think they’ve done a good job
It makes you look like a flapper
No I didn’t say you were a slapper
From the roaring twenties, a party girl
No I didn’t say you were a tarty girl
Instead of having your hair cut short
In order to prevent any auditory distort
And to stop you miss hearing things
You should have had your ears syringed

ARE YOU WEARING A FLAT CAP?

Are you wearing a flat cap?
How very working class
And you a Roedean girl
Normal so up her own arse

Dressing up like an oick
Does have some appeal
So say something common
And let me cop a feel

ARE YOU WEARING A SCARF?

Are you wearing a scarf?
Well it’s not a cold night
And it doesn’t match your outfit
It just doesn’t look right
Why are you wearing it?
I know you’ve got a love bite

ARE YOU WEARING COLOGNE?

Are you wearing cologne?
You’re wearing “Black Knight”
What is going on?
Something’s not right
Your wearing you’re cologne
And it’s a school night
It’s not your birthday
So you’re not due a delight
It’s definitely not Christmas
I know I have that right
It’s a snow day tomorrow?
Ok turn out the light

ARE YOU WEARING JODHPURS?

Are you wearing jodhpurs?
You have a fine seat you know
No I’ve never seen you ride
But I do like your bum though
You are a handsome filly
Of good pedigree so Tally ho
And if you’re offering me a ride
I wouldn’t mind giving you a go

ARE YOU WEARING A BUN?

Are you wearing a bun?
That will cause some chat
It’s just a bit old fashioned
But there’s nothing wrong in that
The biggest problem you have
Is it makes your face look fat

ARE YOU WEARING BALLET SHOES?

Are you wearing ballet shoes?
Not really suitable attire,
If you don’t mind me saying,
For working on the farm squire

ARE YOU WEARING TRAINER SOCKS?

Are you wearing trainer socks?
Tell me that you are Please do
Say you haven’t put an uncovered foot
Inside that sweaty training shoe