Schizophrenia

[miyako73]

I tiptoe and dance
on the tip of a pin
to amuse the demons
howling my name,
waiting for my
fall.

[osho]

This jingles like a metaphorical poem and maybe a particular theme or circumstance might have wrapped you to write this verse. While I like the sonority of the poem beyond words I like you to hit upon the inspiration or motive driving you to write this.

[tailor STATELY]

Lovely little poem.

If I might suggest:"waiting for me to
fall."

Ta ! (short for tarradiddle),
tailor STATELY

[paradoxical]

I like your writing, miyako73. This particular piece, however, just doesn't seem to capture the true nature of schizophrenia. I think you need more lines. And I think more will come to you in time. The writing is good and I think you're on to something here.

I was going to say the same thing about your poem, "Hallucination" -- I just think it needs to be expanded upon. Fleshed out some more. But still a job well done and like I said, I really noticed your work here on the forum.

[miyako73]

Thanks, Paradoxical. Sometimes images come to me in bits and pieces. These short ones are sort of vignettes from the longer ones I want to write in the future.

[Hawkman]

Quantum mechanics in poetry, I like it. I wonder if it couldn't be pared down a little though. Not that it doesn't work as it is but:

"On tiptoe,
I dance upon
a pinpoint
to amuse demons
howling my name,
waiting,
for my
fall."

Just a thought.

Live and be well - H