The Rise of Icarus

[chaoticimpulse]

Edited out. Thanks so much for your help cyberbob!

[cyberbob]

I like the way you write and I like the idea behind your story. As a first draft, and considering the character constraints, I'd say you did very well with this.

I have one problem with it, though. I don't know if it's supposed to be a mystery or a fantasy story, but I don't think it really works as either one.

As a mystery it doesn't work because the characters are just going from place to place and immediately figuring out what needs to be figured out there. Good mysteries are like a puzzle, but this one is being solved for us before we even get a good look at the pieces.

As a fantasy story it doesn't work because there's no real action or conflict. It's too passive. The characters need to go through some trial or change beyond just learning some fact through observation, or else it reads more like a tall tale or something.

Maybe I'm just being too picky but that's what I felt. Unless the reader is really into greek mythology he won't feel any emotional investment in the actions of the heroes.

[chaoticimpulse]

I like the way you write and I like the idea behind your story. As a first draft, and considering the character constraints, I'd say you did very well with this.

I have one problem with it, though. I don't know if it's supposed to be a mystery or a fantasy story, but I don't think it really works as either one.

As a mystery it doesn't work because the characters are just going from place to place and immediately figuring out what needs to be figured out there. Good mysteries are like a puzzle, but this one is being solved for us before we even get a good look at the pieces.

As a fantasy story it doesn't work because there's no real action or conflict. It's too passive. The characters need to go through some trial or change beyond just learning some fact through observation, or else it reads more like a tall tale or something.

Maybe I'm just being too picky but that's what I felt. Unless the reader is really into greek mythology he won't feel any emotional investment in the actions of the heroes.

Thanks so much for that :) I'd not really considered it but you're completely right there. On the basis that it's only around 50 words below the limit, do you have any suggestions on how the problem could be helped? Do you think perhaps travelling to Crete before completely ruling Iapyx out would help?

[cyberbob]

If your story is gonna go past the character limit, just put as much as you can in the OP and then add the rest of the story in a second post. You can also make another thread titled "part 2" or whatever, if you want.

As for your story, I'm not sure. I think giving the protagonists some motivation for investigating all of this would help. The story doesn't explain why they're trying to unravel the mystery of Icarus. I think adding a little character development would go a long way.