Are you wearing? # 8

[Biggus]

ARE YOU WEARING A SMIRK?

Are you wearing a smirk?
I thought you’d been to work
But you decided you would shirk
With that good looking clerk
Brilliant so I get to look a berk
While you get to wear a smirk

ARE YOU WEARING A LEER?

Are you wearing a leer?
That’s out of order I fear
You are lustfully gazing
At the young and amazing
With lascivious thoughts
Ogling good looking sorts
Well only one of us can spy
And that letch is I

ARE YOU WEARING A HAT?

Are you wearing a hat?
What’s the point of that?
It’s often been said
You have an unsuitable head
And not just for millinery
It’s a little bit scary
And the hat doesn’t help
You made that boy yelp
So take off the hat
And that will be that
The hat will be gone
And the bag put back on

ARE YOU WEARING TWEEDS?

Are you wearing tweeds?
Well that certainly exceeds
Your rather arousing apparel
Really brings out the feral
Complimented by stout hardy shoes
In my own Victorian views
And I wouldn’t knock
Some good country stock
Let me help you over this stile
As I think all the while
How to best meet my needs
Of getting inside your tweeds

ARE YOU WEARING WELLIES?

Are you wearing wellies?
Why where are we going?
Will it be quite muddy?
Or has it been snowing
They are not for outdoors?
Then their use has receded
So please just tell me
Why the wellies are needed?
I still don’t understand
If there is no outdoor activity
Oh now the penny has dropped
They’re for indoor depravity

ARE YOU WEARING PIXIE BOOTS?

Are you wearing pixie boots?
Well they really are beauties
I’ve always had a soft spot
For little woodland cuties
So let me carry you away
Like a prized piece of booty
To a woodland clearing
Where we can get really fruity

ARE YOU WEARING A PLEATED SKIRT?

Are you wearing a pleated skirt?
It’s really very flattering on you
A blandishment to your hips
And narrows the waist without ado
And when the wind lifts it up
Your scanty wares come into view

ARE YOU WEARING A SNEER?

Are you wearing a sneer?
Well that’s how you appear
Like you’re looking down your nose
From some commanding belvedere

So what of your countenance
If it’s not a look of distain
What did you wish to convey
Perhaps we should start again

ARE YOU WEARING SOMETHING SPECIAL?

Are you wearing something special?
For my special birthday treat
Something daringly risqué
Nothing remotely discreet
Something minimalist in silk
Would be right up my street

ARE YOU WEARING A UNION SUIT?

Are you wearing a union suit?
Well not exactly a source of phwors
It’s just an un-sexy combination
Of a vest and long drawers
But joined together like a romper suit
The addition of the trap doors
Makes it a little more exciting
I think I’d like to go through yours