Love Poem 63

[ShadowsCool]

In The Valley Of The Lord
. . .
The sky was soft as beauty,
And the lavender lilies were
Praising the Lord singing;
Whose winds echoed back
Lifting them as ministering spirits.

And I stood dazzled in the dell
As the bell of the Divine rung out,
Seeing mist wrapped pansies
Dance along the girt of the valley,
And the sun splendorous with beauty.
. . .




Love Poem 63

I went to my love with the ease of a breeze,
With our pockets full of air
We went to piccalilli fairs
In the coolness of spring,
With our blanket spread out
To gaze into the stars
On each others eyes.

And what little we knew
Gazing through the others eyes,
A thing loftier than any celestial cherub,
A thing deeper than any sunray shine.

I stood looking in the deepest green
Into the air of attending dreams
Where your wings fly in with the wispy clouds,
And I hear melodic sounds
More meaningful than any belief
Could ever know.

[Buh4Bee]

Shadows, I felt this one was written hastily. The change from I, we, you, and back to I leaves too many changes in perspective and the poem feeling disjointed.

You have some nice examples of assonance: ease of a breeze (ease spelled with an s) and deepest green. Though these examples are nothing special, in fact, rather bland.

I think if you slowed down and reworked it, you could clean up the changes-in- perspective. You've been writing quite a bit, so clearly you have a lot of material to work with. Try not to use the same ideas/metaphors, keep things fresh.

[ShadowsCool]

Shadows, I felt this one was written hastily. The change from I, we, you, and back to I leaves too many changes in perspective and the poem feeling disjointed.

You have some nice examples of assonance: ease of a breeze (ease spelled with an s) and deepest green. Though these examples are nothing special, in fact, rather bland.

I think if you slowed down and reworked it, you could clean up the changes-in- perspective. You've been writing quite a bit, so clearly you have a lot of material to work with. Try not to use the same ideas/metaphors, keep things fresh.

I had a rough time writing this one and it certainly shows in its sloppiness. I started this one back in December and finally was able to come to some kind of completion of it in late March. It was one of those poems where you get a burst of inspiration, but that's it. Then you are left to try and patch it together. I too cringe when I see line 7 and line 9 repeat each other with the word 'eyes'. I just couldn't find another word. Perhaps as you say, I need to get a fresh perspective and just re-work the thing over.

I agree, this was not one of my better efforts.

Shadows

[Buh4Bee]

But I do like the juxaposition of the two poems.

These lines are extremely romantic:
Where your wings fly in with the wispy clouds,
And I hear melodic sounds
More meaningful than any belief
Could ever know.

This beloved means more to the narrator than God.

Some Christians would say it's blasphemy. God comes first!

[ShadowsCool]

But I do like the juxaposition of the two poems.

These lines are extremely romantic:
Where your wings fly in with the wispy clouds,
And I hear melodic sounds
More meaningful than any belief
Could ever know.

This beloved means more to the narrator than God.

Some Christians would say it's blasphemy. God comes first!

Buh4Bee, I never really had that in mind when I wrote that. I have written before about higher than cherub's, but never higher then God. Perhaps one can take it that way but finding words of expression to a love can be quite difficult at times. So no blasphemy on my part. God comes first before all others.

Shadows

[Buh4Bee]

Shadows- Thanks for correcting my misinterpretation. As for my blasphemy comment, I was being kind of tongue and cheek. Sorry about the sarcasm. Your faith seems to be very strong and I think your expression about your beloved is moving.

[ShadowsCool]

Shadows- Thanks for correcting my misinterpretation. As for my blasphemy comment, I was being kind of tongue and cheek. Sorry about the sarcasm. Your faith seems to be very strong and I think your expression about your beloved is moving.

Thanks Buh4Bee, your comments are well taken.

I purposely don't post many of my faith poems for that reason. That people may think I'm preaching, when I'm just expressing certain inspiration. As for writing love poems, I enjoy them the most.

Thanks

Shadows