Wonderful Wildflower

[RicMisc]

Just something I drew up during a boring Latin class:

Wonderful Wildflower
Alone in a dessert full of people
Going unnoticed but holding on
Standing strong and waiting for the calm
To bloom and flower like you should
Strongest and most admirable of all
Wonderful Wildflower

[Buh4Bee]

I think this could be a cute little poem if you reworked it. You have very simple word choice, and if done well, could convey what you are really trying to say. You have to be intentional about your word choice. I feel like you could have a sound structure, if you can just clean up the word choice. Does this make any sense or offer any help? I think my critique is as good as your poem. LOL!

[tailor STATELY]

Your choice of "dessert" in L2 might be flawed... perhaps "desert" (but that might be ambiguous with a desert full of people...) ?

Did the flower have form and color; perhaps a metaphor for one unnoticed among the crowds of ordinary folk; perhaps pensive in mood*solitary by choice*deep of spirit.

Yes, much potential.

Ta ! (short for tarradiddle),
tailor STATELY

[RicMisc]

Thank you very much for your comments, this was basically the first 'poem' I've ever written so I was expecting less constructive comments ;). My word choice is indeed very simple. Causes for that are that writing this came more as an impulse than it was premeditated and English is not my first language. These two components combined with no experience result in the 'poem' above.

Dessert is a typo; should be desert. And the contrast between desert and full of people was intentional. Furthermore I think I shall maybe take a look at your comments again and try to incorporate your advice in the poem or I'll just leave it be. Chances are though that whatever I do, this will probably be my last poem on here. Unless of course I impulsively start writing another one during one of those lengthy and boring Latin classes.

[Buh4Bee]

I understand the impulse to write something. If the impulse comes again, Litnet will probably still be here.

[RicMisc]

Hahahah, t'd better be. I've been spending quite some time on here over the last week and I intend to stay.. Though, as I said, probably not in this particular section.

[tailor STATELY]

Hahahah, t'd better be. I've been spending quite some time on here over the last week and I intend to stay.. Though, as I said, probably not in this particular section.

Oh come now, lol. You have a talent for poetry; test your wings in the poetry contest forum once in a while. Look forward to more of your poetry.

Ta ! (short for tarradiddle),
tailor STATELY

[Little Gal]

i like wat u hv written... am too much in favour of 'image' in poetry... and the image u have made is something that i can see clearly... :)