Biggus
03-19-2012, 07:38 AM
SINCE THE BBC SACKED ALL THE DALEKS # 5
Since the BBC sacked all the Daleks
Most are just scrounging off the state
But there is one working at the Old Bailey
He doesn’t really communicate
And it scares a lot of the Barristers
When it says Extenuate, Extenuate
AMPUTEE
She said “What happened to you?
“You’ve been in the wars a bit”
“I accidently cut my finger off” He told her
She asked “The whole finger was it?”
“No as a matter of fact” he replied
“It was the one next to it”
I DON’T DESERVE SOMEONE
I don’t deserve someone
Thoughtful, warm and caring
I don’t deserve someone
Loving and understanding
I don’t deserve someone
Affectionate and true
I don’t deserve any of that
Which is why I’m stuck with you
WHEN YOU DIE - WIFE
“When you die”
I told my wife,
“Extinguishing
All signs of life”
Writ on granite
To survive the weather
“Here lies my wife
As cold as ever”
DOCTORED ACCOUNT # 1
My Doctor gave me six months to live.
Because I was terribly ill
But then he gave me another six months
When I said I couldn’t pay his bill
MURDER SQUAD
The police, investigating a series of horrific murders
Appear to be out manoeuvred at every turn
All the victims were stabbed with knitting needles
Are the only details they’ve been able to discern
But even with such disappointing progress
They believe the killer maybe following a pattern
HEALTHY EATING
I’m trying to eat more healthily
Because you really can’t beat it
But when I buy rocket salad
It goes off before I can eat it
MENOPAUSAL MODE
Bimbette went home to see her mum
And found her acting quite funny
She was sat on the dining room floor
And appeared to be counting her money
But it was all coins of copper and silver
Then she started crying which was strange
Having never seen her like this, she asked
"Mum are you going through the change?"
CITIZENSHIP TEST
I have had an idea
For a citizenship test
And based on the success
Of this quest
The asylum application
Result should rest
The test would begin
With a long queue
That stretches away
Out of view
And that is all
That they’d have to do
Stand in a queue
Without knowing
The reason why
Or where it was going
And by this their
British-ness is showing
But if they fail
If they break ranks
Then that’s it
They’ve drawn blanks
And its good bye
And no thanks
AVIATION ASPIRATION
My daughter wants to be a pilot
At first I was a little alarmed
But after I thought about it
My apprehension calmed
And I laughed at my foolishness
I felt silly, oh what a lark
After all it’s not as if
She will have to parallel park
Since the BBC sacked all the Daleks
Most are just scrounging off the state
But there is one working at the Old Bailey
He doesn’t really communicate
And it scares a lot of the Barristers
When it says Extenuate, Extenuate
AMPUTEE
She said “What happened to you?
“You’ve been in the wars a bit”
“I accidently cut my finger off” He told her
She asked “The whole finger was it?”
“No as a matter of fact” he replied
“It was the one next to it”
I DON’T DESERVE SOMEONE
I don’t deserve someone
Thoughtful, warm and caring
I don’t deserve someone
Loving and understanding
I don’t deserve someone
Affectionate and true
I don’t deserve any of that
Which is why I’m stuck with you
WHEN YOU DIE - WIFE
“When you die”
I told my wife,
“Extinguishing
All signs of life”
Writ on granite
To survive the weather
“Here lies my wife
As cold as ever”
DOCTORED ACCOUNT # 1
My Doctor gave me six months to live.
Because I was terribly ill
But then he gave me another six months
When I said I couldn’t pay his bill
MURDER SQUAD
The police, investigating a series of horrific murders
Appear to be out manoeuvred at every turn
All the victims were stabbed with knitting needles
Are the only details they’ve been able to discern
But even with such disappointing progress
They believe the killer maybe following a pattern
HEALTHY EATING
I’m trying to eat more healthily
Because you really can’t beat it
But when I buy rocket salad
It goes off before I can eat it
MENOPAUSAL MODE
Bimbette went home to see her mum
And found her acting quite funny
She was sat on the dining room floor
And appeared to be counting her money
But it was all coins of copper and silver
Then she started crying which was strange
Having never seen her like this, she asked
"Mum are you going through the change?"
CITIZENSHIP TEST
I have had an idea
For a citizenship test
And based on the success
Of this quest
The asylum application
Result should rest
The test would begin
With a long queue
That stretches away
Out of view
And that is all
That they’d have to do
Stand in a queue
Without knowing
The reason why
Or where it was going
And by this their
British-ness is showing
But if they fail
If they break ranks
Then that’s it
They’ve drawn blanks
And its good bye
And no thanks
AVIATION ASPIRATION
My daughter wants to be a pilot
At first I was a little alarmed
But after I thought about it
My apprehension calmed
And I laughed at my foolishness
I felt silly, oh what a lark
After all it’s not as if
She will have to parallel park