Funny quotes

[G L Wilson]

"God is a little more than everything."
e. e. cummings

[Delta40]

The odds of going to the store for a loaf of bread and coming out with only a loaf of bread are three billion to one. ~Erma Bombeck

[Brielle92]

Happiness is not a potato - Charlotte Bronte

Obviously she goes more in depth but I still found it hilar

[86.5parker]

I think there is no funny about it,i think there is some explanation about it.

[cacian]

There is silly then there is funny and then there is hilarious but all three do not make up history.

[mona amon]

Happiness is not a potato - Charlotte Bronte

Obviously she goes more in depth but I still found it hilar

It's very funny when you isolate it like that. :D The full quote is -


“No mockery in this world ever sounds to me so hollow as that of being told to cultivate happiness. What does such advice mean? Happiness is not a potato, to be planted in mould, and tilled with manure. Happiness is a glory shining far down upon us out of Heaven. She is a divine dew which the soul, on certain of its summer mornings, feels dropping upon it from the amaranth bloom and golden fruitage of Paradise.”
― Charlotte Brontë, Villette

She uses the same idea in a letter to her publisher George Smith, and here she sounds at least a little bit facetious -


Tell your mother I shall try to cultivate good spirits as assiduously as she cultivates her geraniums. Remember me kindly to her and your sisters and believe me, sincerely yours, C. Bronte

[JolDevise]

Behind every great man is a woman rolling her eyes.
Jim Carrey

[cafolini]

Eat your mental cereal, but then don't forget your mental prune juice. ~ C A Cafolini

[cacian]

silly is nice but happy is better but the both together and you're on a tedder

[Sido]

In ancient times cats were worshipped as gods; they have not forgotten this.
--Terry Pratchett--

[Bengt Mettyl]

'D'you know what I hate more than ANYTHING? I hate being involved in giant f*ck-ups.' ('Folderol')

[uiscebeatha]

They f--k you up, your mum and dad.

They may not mean to, but they do.

They fill you with the faults they had

And add some extra, just for you.

Philip Larkin

[DATo]

"The longer he boasted of his honor the faster we counted our spoons." - Ralph Waldo Emerson

[AuntShecky]

"Love is the delightful interval between meeting a beautiful girl and discovering that she looks like a haddock."
John Barrymore

[DATo]

"love is the delightful interval between meeting a beautiful girl and discovering that she looks like a haddock."
john barrymore

*lmao*

[DATo]

One of my favorites for the witty wise crack is Dorothy Parker (1893 -1967)

Beauty is only skin deep, but ugly goes clean to the bone.

If you want to know what God thinks of money, just look at the people he gave it to.

This is not a novel to be tossed aside lightly. It should be thrown with great force.

Don't look at me in that tone of voice.

I like to have a martini,
Two at the very most.
After three I'm under the table,
After four I'm under the host.

Tell him I was too f**king busy - or vice versa.

This wasn't just plain terrible, this was fancy terrible. This was terrible with raisins in it.

That woman speaks eighteen languages, and can't say 'No' in any of them.

I'm never going to accomplish anything; that's perfectly clear to me. I'm never going to be famous. My name will never be writ large on the roster of Those Who Do Things. I don't do anything. Not one single thing. I used to bite my nails, but I don't even do that any more.

I don't care what is written about me so long as it isn't true.

It serves me right for putting all my eggs in one bastard.

If you have any young friends who aspire to become writers, the second greatest favor you can do them is to present them with copies of The Elements of Style. The first greatest, of course, is to shoot them now, while they’re happy.

A hangover is the wrath of grapes.

I'd rather have a full bottle in front of me than a pre-frontal lobotomy.

Money cannot buy health, but I'd settle for a diamond-studded wheelchair.

If all the girls attending [the Yale prom] were laid end to end, I wouldn't be at all surprised.

She can sit up and beg, and she can give her paw — I don't say she will, but she can.

Now to me, Edith looks like something that would eat her young.


.

[free]

Arthur C. Clarke

“I don’t believe in astrology; I’m a Sagittarius and we’re skeptical.”

"God forgive me, I am an atheist.


“It must be wonderful to be seventeen, and to know everything.”


“Politicians should read science fiction, not westerns and detective stories.”


:)