Prose Poem: Glass And Steel

[Alexander III]

To feel nothing, that is damnation.

To remember the budding petals of the flower slightly opening as dawn awakes, to remember the romanticism and the dreams and glories which I sung when I was seventeen. The long coast road, the brush and rocks and sparse trees, and the sea with the small lights of ships wandering like lost stars. The houses with their small red lights. I would walk to this coast, and walk all the way down, in the night, with the sea to my flank; and her house, somewhere amongst the lights, she sleeping so near to me and so softly. To remember these walks and the love I once felt, and the dreams and poems which which made life beautiful just like her, and our lips and that kiss. To remember that I was once young Appolo in those ripe and warm nights. And now to feel nothing. To see the world as a large factory, and the smoke rising out, the smoke which has always been and shall always be. To see this existence when every day is like a man in the endless crowd of grey hats, all of them countless and indistinguishable; one the same as the other, and one day of nothingness the same as the next.

I look out my window now, and see nothing but existence. My only possessions are those ancient dreams that lay broken in me, like a satire of glass and steel. This emptiness is damnation. What gods can laugh at this...

[Buh4Bee]

I can see possible influences of DH Lawrence and Fitzgerald. The writing is clear and coherent.

[Alexander III]

I can see possible influences of DH Lawrence and Fitzgerald. The writing is clear and coherent.

Thank you for reading and your thoughts :)


I have re-written it, and made slight adjustments for a better version



To remember Dawn washing her face and brushing her hair in the distance, to remember the romanticism and the dreams and glories which I sung when I was seventeen. The long coast road, the brush and rocks and sparse trees, and the sea with the distant lights of ships wandering like lost stars. And the houses with their small red lights.
I would walk to this coast, and walk all the way down, in the night, with the sea on my flank; and her house, somewhere amongst the lights; she sleeping so near to me and so softly. To remember these walks and the love I once felt, and the dreams and poems which which made life beautiful, just like her and our lips and the kiss. To remember that I was once a young Appolo in those ripe and warm nights.
Now I feel nothing. To feel nothing, that is damnation. I see the world as a large factory, and the smoke rising out, the smoke which has always been and shall always be. To see this existence when the days are like a man in the endless crowd of grey hats, all of them countless and indistinguishable; one the same as the other, and one day of nothingness the same as the next.
I look out my window now, and see nothing but existence. My only possessions are those ancient dreams that lay broken inside of me, like a satire of glass and steel. This vacuum is damnation. What gods can laugh at this...

[tomingram]

Have you seen the most recent Writer's Chronicle? Great essay about prose poems. Definitely check it out if you do a lot of these.

[Alexander III]

Have you seen the most recent Writer's Chronicle? Great essay about prose poems. Definitely check it out if you do a lot of these.

I can't say I am aquainted with the Writers Chronicle, but thanks for the suggestion, I will give it a look.

While I have you here is there any chance I could get a small opinion on the poem, just something simple like "it sucked" "It was dull and stoped reading after the first sentence" "it was interesting enough for me to read all of it" - just a general opinion would be helpfull, as there seem to be a lack thereof.

[Veho]

From someone with no creative writing skills whatsoever, unfortunately, I think it is really beautiful and poetic. Especially the end which is stronger than the beginning. Also the second version is definitely better.

[Alexander III]

From someone with no creative writing skills whatsoever, unfortunately, I think it is really beautiful and poetic. Especially the end which is stronger than the beginning. Also the second version is definitely better.

Thank you, yes I suspected that the second version came out better as well.

[Alexander III]

small bump

[KP-]

Terrific piece of writing. The abrupt change in setting from the imagery created in the first half was complimented greatly by the simplicity of "Now I feel nothing." Good work :)

[Alexander III]

Terrific piece of writing. The abrupt change in setting from the imagery created in the first half was complimented greatly by the simplicity of "Now I feel nothing." Good work :)

I thank you :)