Biggus
03-14-2012, 09:37 AM
SINCE THE BBC SACKED ALL THE DALEKS # 4
Since the BBC sacked all the Daleks
Most are just scrounging off the state
But there is one working at the Old Bailey
He doesn’t really communicate
And it scares a lot of the Barristers
When it says Exonerate, Exonerate
A CAR FULL OF TOTTIE
A car full of tottie
Each one a hottie
A Chevy of cuties
A bevy of beauties
Some a bit haughty
Some a bit naughty
Honeys that razzled
Babes that bedazzled
But still I blew it
Deep down I knew it
I knew that I’d do it
Only I could do it
From a Chevy of cuties
A bevy of beauties
I dropped a clanger
And pulled the old banger
I WAS EXPLAINING REINCARNATION
I was explaining reincarnation to my wife
And how you return as a different form of life
She said she wanted to come back as a cow
She obviously misunderstood some how
JANE AND I
“I’ve been to Wales with Jane”
I was told by my friend
“Then tomorrow Jane and I
Are going to Lands End”
“And I will probably take Jane
To London at the weekend”
I didn’t like to shatter his illusions
But I had to in the end
“Jane is the voice on your SatNav
She’s not a proper girlfriend”
WIND IN THE WILLOWS # 2
The naughty Toad in the hole
And his friend Guacamole
Along with Ratatouille
Thought Badger quite chewy
MY 50TH
My 50th was approaching
A milestone for us males
I’d dropped loads of hints
Because hinting never fails
“I want something new and shiny,
And for further details,
Go from 0 to 150
And all that that entails”
Well she went and bought me
A new set of bathroom scales
MAYDAY MODE
"Mayday, Mayday. SOS, Mayday
My pilot has had a heart attack and died
Can anybody out there hear me?”
The panicky blonde passenger cried
Suddenly a voice comes over the radio
And spoke with reassuring charm
“Just relax; I’m going to talk you down
But it’s important that you stay calm”
“Just give me your height and position
And then we’ll get you down from there”
“Well if you really need to know I'm 5'1"
And I'm sitting in the pilot’s chair."
The radio went silent like for a moment
As if they’d gone completely off the air
Then the voice from the tower returned
“Do you know the Lords prayer?”
ON THE ROCKS
Vodka with ice is bad for you
Rum with ice is bad for you
Whiskey with ice is bad for you
Gin with ice is bad for you
I think we should refrain
From using ice, don’t you
DON’T MAKE A SPECTACLE OF YOURSELF
If you walk into everything
Because your eyesight is chronic
Then the next thing you should do
Is walk in to the walk in clinic
NAMING THE CONSTABULARY
Since the days of the bow street runners
When they numbered but a few
There have been slang names
For our wonderful boys in blue
From the old bill and lily law
To the filth, pigs and Bobbies
The fuzz, the plod and the Rozzers
To the Peelers, Coppers and Bizzies
This is just the tip of the ice berg
There are many more I know
I find some of the modern ones
Just a little absurd though
I get the cultural reference
In calling the police 5 0
But I think it’s a bit pre school
Calling the police the Po Po
Since the BBC sacked all the Daleks
Most are just scrounging off the state
But there is one working at the Old Bailey
He doesn’t really communicate
And it scares a lot of the Barristers
When it says Exonerate, Exonerate
A CAR FULL OF TOTTIE
A car full of tottie
Each one a hottie
A Chevy of cuties
A bevy of beauties
Some a bit haughty
Some a bit naughty
Honeys that razzled
Babes that bedazzled
But still I blew it
Deep down I knew it
I knew that I’d do it
Only I could do it
From a Chevy of cuties
A bevy of beauties
I dropped a clanger
And pulled the old banger
I WAS EXPLAINING REINCARNATION
I was explaining reincarnation to my wife
And how you return as a different form of life
She said she wanted to come back as a cow
She obviously misunderstood some how
JANE AND I
“I’ve been to Wales with Jane”
I was told by my friend
“Then tomorrow Jane and I
Are going to Lands End”
“And I will probably take Jane
To London at the weekend”
I didn’t like to shatter his illusions
But I had to in the end
“Jane is the voice on your SatNav
She’s not a proper girlfriend”
WIND IN THE WILLOWS # 2
The naughty Toad in the hole
And his friend Guacamole
Along with Ratatouille
Thought Badger quite chewy
MY 50TH
My 50th was approaching
A milestone for us males
I’d dropped loads of hints
Because hinting never fails
“I want something new and shiny,
And for further details,
Go from 0 to 150
And all that that entails”
Well she went and bought me
A new set of bathroom scales
MAYDAY MODE
"Mayday, Mayday. SOS, Mayday
My pilot has had a heart attack and died
Can anybody out there hear me?”
The panicky blonde passenger cried
Suddenly a voice comes over the radio
And spoke with reassuring charm
“Just relax; I’m going to talk you down
But it’s important that you stay calm”
“Just give me your height and position
And then we’ll get you down from there”
“Well if you really need to know I'm 5'1"
And I'm sitting in the pilot’s chair."
The radio went silent like for a moment
As if they’d gone completely off the air
Then the voice from the tower returned
“Do you know the Lords prayer?”
ON THE ROCKS
Vodka with ice is bad for you
Rum with ice is bad for you
Whiskey with ice is bad for you
Gin with ice is bad for you
I think we should refrain
From using ice, don’t you
DON’T MAKE A SPECTACLE OF YOURSELF
If you walk into everything
Because your eyesight is chronic
Then the next thing you should do
Is walk in to the walk in clinic
NAMING THE CONSTABULARY
Since the days of the bow street runners
When they numbered but a few
There have been slang names
For our wonderful boys in blue
From the old bill and lily law
To the filth, pigs and Bobbies
The fuzz, the plod and the Rozzers
To the Peelers, Coppers and Bizzies
This is just the tip of the ice berg
There are many more I know
I find some of the modern ones
Just a little absurd though
I get the cultural reference
In calling the police 5 0
But I think it’s a bit pre school
Calling the police the Po Po