Sexy Eyes

[ShadowsCool]

~ Sexy Eyes ~

In the beginning
God created the heavens and earth;
The heavens were your soul
The earth your body.

With eyes that bright the night
Suddenly there I see:
Twinkles
Dazzling from your crown.

I gaze into pools of green
Swimming the depths of your beauty,
Where I immerse myself
Nesting on the edge of your heartbeat.

They say beauty is skin deep.
I find that a lie,
Having driven beneath
The depth of your skin,
Where I hear sweet violins.

Your climaxes say yes to me,
Your lips sing luscious tunes;
Serenading melodies
Softly strum thorough my soul.

Your ways a fleeting mystery,
Your beauty unfathomable riches,
Deeply there I dig
To rest in idyllic bliss,
Grabbing a piece of you.

[Adolescent09]

Wow I really like this piece. Not much else to say besides the fact that I believe it flows quite effectively. I want to see more from you.

[Buh4Bee]

~ Sexy Eyes ~

In the beginning
God created the heavens and earth;
The heavens were your soul
The earth your body.

With eyes that bright the night
Suddenly there I see:
Twinkles
Dazzling from your crown.

I gaze into pools of green
Swimming the depths of your beauty,
Where I immerse myself
Nesting on the edge of your heartbeat.

They say beauty is skin deep.
I find that a lie,
Having driven beneath
The depth of your skin,
Where I hear sweet violins.

Your climaxes say yes to me,
Your lips sing luscious tunes;
Serenading melodies
Softly strum thorough my soul.

Your ways a fleeting mystery,
Your beauty unfathomable riches,
Deeply there I dig
To rest in idyllic bliss,
Grabbing a piece of you.

I think you write with a strong passion for your subject matter. Your writing is very decadent, and at times, I think it is too rich (leading to cliche). I know this happens to me when I get carried away with the language and move too far from the content. But, who is to say this is a flaw, particularly if you are writing for yourself and your own audience.

This part was my favorite:
Swimming the depths of your beauty,
Where I immerse myself
Nesting on the edge of your heartbeat.

Thanks for sharing this beautiful poem.

[ShadowsCool]

Well thanks for the pointers. Sometimes I get carried away. A mythic starlit I suppose. But it's fun. Thanks to both of you.