Are you wearing? # 5

[Biggus]

ARE YOU WEARING LIPSTICK?

Are you wearing lipstick?
Well to avoid looking like a dipstick
You might want to adjust it a bit
Maybe you could tone it down
Before you go off to town
You don’t want to look like a clown

ARE YOU WEARING SOMETHING NEW?

Are you wearing something new?
On your wedding day
Sorry that’s a silly question
What a thing to say
You’re an Essex girl
So daddy is going to pay

ARE YOU WEARING MAKE UP?

Are you wearing make up?
You don’t usually wear a scrap
Well you look prettier than ever
Are you going to meet a chap?
You’re not meeting a beau?
What no one has set their cap?
But there is someone you like
Someone you’d like to entrap
Well whoever he might be
He is definitely a lucky chap
Too be caught by one as lovely as you
In sweet loves tender trap
My you have a glint in your eye
Why are you climbing on my lap?
What are you doing to my ear?
Should we just slow down perhaps
It’s hard to concentrate when you do that
So please let me just recap
Am I right in assuming by your behaviour?
That I’m the lucky chap

ARE YOU WEARING RUNNING CLOTHES?

Are you wearing running clothes?
What on earth are you thinking?
You are in no shape for running
What have you been drinking?
I wasn’t born yesterday you know
You’ve had more than a tipple
You’ll be sorry I can tell you
When you end up with jogger’s nipple

ARE YOU WEARING BAGGY TROUSERS?

Are you wearing baggy trousers?
For any particular reason
They aren’t the height of fashion
They’re not even last season
You think they look “cool”
Whereas they look simply shoddy
I don’t know why you wear them
Unless you have a baggy body

ARE YOU WEARING PERFUME?

Are you wearing perfume?
I can smell it in this room
It’s a very seductive brew
Are you sure its not you?
Then the answer is clear
And your brother has I fear
With out our consent Suzy
Been entertaining a floozy

ARE YOU WEARING PRIMARK PANTS?

Are you wearing Primark pants?
Don’t you think that a little drastic?
You don’t want, on you wedding day
To be let down by cheap elastic

ARE YOU WEARING FLIP FLOPS?

Are you wearing flip flops?
I can’t believe you don’t know
But the garden is under
About four feet of snow

ARE YOU WEARING A THONG?

Are you wearing a thong?
No there’s nothing wrong
It’s just that they do so
Make you look like a sumo

ARE YOU WEARING A NURSE’S OUTFIT?

Are you wearing a nurse’s outfit?
Does it come with all the kit?
The starched apron and the hat
The black stockings and all that
Oh what a feast before my eyes
Come and feel my pulse rate rise
Only you can now tangibly
Cure this poor patient’s malady