Our Waning's Dawn

[Maximilianus]

We would tamely walk headlong into the night
Could we not remember dusks that yelled through white,
And only hear The Banshees' endless wailing,
Rebuffing angers' will for promptly sailing.
But today no lung knows restful breathing,
Neither shall there be a single hate at sheathing;
Today's the finest day for The Impaling.

Even through the shields completely shattered
Shall emerge a ram with gates to batter.

On a day when bells once loud no longer ding,
When throats ere voiced announce we cannot sing,
In the wake of The Unveiled by mist unknown,
It shall, that day, be day for wrath to spring;
To fling the rocks, the sheath, the blade, the hone.
And thus, through choking drafts, above, alone
A race restrings each severed string
And tunes regain their utmost tone.



I've been wondering if the above piece qualifies as a decent poem. The other day while I was working on an outer-space battle scene (digital artwork) it occurred to me that I wanted to accompany the resulting pictures with a piece of writing, and the above developed through a few revisits until I felt modestly satisfied. I intended to give it a tone as that of a dirge/battle cry. Following is the digital artwork that inspired the above lines. Perhaps unnecessary to view, but I thought it would be acceptable to post thumbnails, each being a link to a corresponding full size version:


http://i1005.photobucket.com/albums/af178/maxicastro/My%20General%20Artwork/th_Not-quietly-into-the-night.jpg?t=1329149880 (http://i1005.photobucket.com/albums/af178/maxicastro/My%20General%20Artwork/Not-quietly-into-the-night.jpg) http://i1005.photobucket.com/albums/af178/maxicastro/My%20General%20Artwork/th_Not-quietly-into-the-night-part-2.jpg?t=1330573855 (http://i1005.photobucket.com/albums/af178/maxicastro/My%20General%20Artwork/Not-quietly-into-the-night-part-2.jpg)

[MystyrMystyry]

Very classical Max - it reads a bit like Tennyson or Longfellow actually - and then I remember English is your second language, and that's quite an amazing feat - and hands too!

Using 'ding' isn't so good as 'ring' because the former has tinkly connotations (so does 'ring' but not as much, 'peel' doesn't rhyme, and nor does 'chime' - except for just then, which doesn't count ;) )

More please!

[Maximilianus]

Very classical Max - it reads a bit like Tennyson or Longfellow actually - and then I remember English is your second language, and that's quite an amazing feat - and hands too!
Highly appreciated praise, Mr. M! Specially coming from a native speaker :)


Using 'ding' isn't so good as 'ring' because the former has tinkly connotations (so does 'ring' but not as much, 'peel' doesn't rhyme, and nor does 'chime' - except for just then, which doesn't count ;) )
Oops, I wasn't aware of that... First linguistic trait to be grasped today :p


More please!
I've been working on a few others. Undaring to post yet http://smiles.kolobok.us/artists/just_cuz/JC_thinking.gif

[MystyrMystyry]

Can't wait!

[Bar22do]

Max, I bow low my head to your linguistic (and artistic!) skills! Choosing a classical language makes it even more difficult to achieve a "decent" poem and you did, much beyond "decent"!!! I'm even more impressed because I myself am an ordinary foreigner and would dare not writing anything classical! I bravi! (love your artwork, too!)
Let the muse never leave you!!!

[Maximilianus]

I very much appreciate that you took the time to read and comment, Bar. It's encouraging to feel that the works were worth rendering and writing, and to know they were enjoyed to the point of such a strong praise! I'm hoping to find that final push of inspiration to conclude a couple of pieces I've been working on; also hoping they'll be worth reading :)

[qimissung]

It's good, Max. It certainly does have a heroic sound to it, and the accompanying artwork is also excellent. Either of these can stand on their own.

I hope we'll see more of your work here. :nod:

[aliengirl]

Three cheers for Max, our poetic warrior! I see I'm late. I can be the rearguard or is the battle yet to begin?

P.S. - Am I the only one wondering why "The Unveiled" is capitalized?

[Maximilianus]

It's good, Max. It certainly does have a heroic sound to it, and the accompanying artwork is also excellent. Either of these can stand on their own.

I hope we'll see more of your work here. :nod:
Thank you really much for your kind words, qimi http://smiles.kolobok.us/standart/thank_you.gif


Three cheers for Max, our poetic warrior! I see I'm late. I can be the rearguard or is the battle yet to begin?
Thank you really much for your kind words, AG http://smiles.kolobok.us/standart/thank_you.gif It's yet to begin!


P.S. - Am I the only one wondering why "The Unveiled" is capitalized?
It's intended to highlight the ultimate nemesis of humankind, whose identity remains veiled until the very last moment, at which time the free peoples commit to battle.

[stephofthenight]

wow quite beautiful maxi, I love the image it paints in your head and that it reads like the tide, one brilliant blisfull line after another.

[Maximilianus]

Thank you, Steph. It's good to know you liked it.

[aliengirl]

Thank you really much for your kind words, AG http://smiles.kolobok.us/standart/thank_you.gif It's yet to begin!

I'd join the front ranks with pleasure. :boxing_smiley:




It's intended to highlight the ultimate nemesis of humankind, whose identity remains veiled until the very last moment, at which time the free peoples commit to battle.


Thanks for the explanation. You have a wonderfully inventive mind Max combined with extraordinary vocabulary. The poem is not only a good read but I also learned what a "Banshee" is. I was reading Charlotte Bronte's "Villette" today in which she has used this word and thanks to you I didn't have to look up a dictionary.

Can't wait for more! :)

[Maximilianus]

Thanks again dear AG. I'll see what I can do to provide more material :)