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Jerrybaldy
03-04-2012, 08:06 PM
To brush my teeth,
1 minute thirty seconds,
half way through at the 45 second mark
I remember todays meeting
and the quilt is calling me,
singing ‘Jerry, Jerry’.
A singing quilt is no place to rest
so I go to the garden
where the sun with its tail
races through the sky.
I lay my cheek on the dew soaked grass.
Last Wednesday I did this for 2 minutes 27.
Today an ant crawls on my chin,
I estimate his walking speed
at 0.3 miles per hour.
I return to the house for toast
it pops out of the toaster
before I have placed it in.
The sun races ever faster
streaking through the sky,
a day becomes 11.5 seconds,
day, night, day, night.
Birds no longer fly,
the sun is an orange streak in the sky.
A month has passed since the butter melted on my toast.
I walk out to the car,
past birds with useless wings,
flapping as they walk in circles.
I turn the key four times,
the average is 3.16.
Two days pass in four turns of the key
earth revolves madly
the blue, black skies are smeared with lights
the seas are on fast spin
and heading this way.
My dog is smoking a pipe
four legs tiptoeing through breakdancing birds.
He jumps in the car beside me,
sets the satnav for the moon.
My pocketwatch says some time soon.

Bar22do
03-05-2012, 03:39 PM
I love

Two days pass in four turns of the key

very much!

The overall pressing/disturbing mood of your time poem is well achieved!

MystyrMystyry
03-05-2012, 05:59 PM
I agree with Bar - a strange essentiality to it, clocks ticking off-camera, patiently and obsessively counting down the broad moments of waiting until the narrator gets to the important stuff.

AuntShecky
03-05-2012, 06:01 PM
Forget REM and that "Melancholia" movie. This one is --as me sainted ma used to say--"out of this world!" Both figuratively and literally.

You've posted some really fine writing, but I think this is your best ever. Now I'm going to tell you something I hardly ever say (not even to meself):

I think you should submit this one for publishing.

Before you send it out, put a little apostrophe in "today's meeting" --then you're good to go.


AuntShecky
"A louse in the locks of literature."

(Not "Fawcett." My name is different from a major manufacturer of plumbing materials, including faucets, sold over here in the U.S. of A. That would be "Delta.")

Jerrybaldy
03-05-2012, 08:27 PM
My thought is that this is for a niche market, the world spinning so fast is not everybody's cup of tea :D
Thank you bar and MM and Auntie Fawcett you have confused me much, but long may you reign. x

qimissung
03-05-2012, 09:53 PM
Yah, agreed, some good surrealistic moments here, Jerry.

Pauline135
03-05-2012, 10:06 PM
http://www.heritems.info/avatar4.jpgI will back you up!:Angel_anim:

jajdude
03-06-2012, 09:54 AM
I dunno what I just read but it seemed great, somehow. I guess anything involving pipe-smoking dogs and break-dancing birds must be great, somehow.

Jerrybaldy
03-07-2012, 09:37 AM
Thank you qim and Pauline and lol @ jajude... good point maybe :D

I have had a recurring thought recently of the earth spinning faster and faster until days last minutes and then only seconds and the sun and the moon and the stars streak across the sky as day light flicks on then off. I thought it might induce madness ( and somehow prevent birds from flight :))

Buh4Bee
03-07-2012, 09:29 PM
It's very vivid/cinematic and inviting even in all the madness. There is a real edginess to the piece, but that just may be the writer. LOL! You accomplish the scene of the world ending as your title describes.

Haunted
03-08-2012, 03:26 AM
Great title there Jerry. You made the surreal very convincing. Maybe life is really one very long bad hair day. Oops. Shouldn't mention the H word. Forgive me it's late and I'm fading fadin fa

Hawkman
03-08-2012, 05:23 AM
Trippy! :D