From Moo-Moo to Poo-Poo

[Buh4Bee]

From Moo-Moo
to Poo-Poo

In the midst of
“doing” things,
we retreat into
a quiet break of
cheese and wine.

Together, with
the company we keep,
(a dog and a toddler)
allows for a
joyful mediation
on the sweetness of
domestic bliss;
laundry baskets, blocks,
and scattered goldfish.

We are the house
in the snow globe bubble.
It falls with rich purity;
my tainted soul calms.
We are present together
in a deeply loving moment.

My head and heart
sing my toddler's binky song,
“Momma, momma, momma!”
“Yes, angel?”
“Mommy, I made a little poo!”

[Buh4Bee]

Revisions:


In the midst of
“doing” things,
we retreat into
a quiet break of
cheese and wine.

Together,
we celebrate a
joyful meditation
on the sweetness of
domestic bliss;
laundry baskets, blocks,
and scattered goldfish.

We are the house
in the snow globe bubble.
It falls with rich purity;
my tainted soul calms
and I am present
in a loving mist.

My head and heart
sing my toddler's binky song,
“Momma, momma, momma!”
“Yes, angel?”
“Mommy, I made a little poo!”

Thank you for the large bird that swooped in at the last minute and offered a sound critique on an overlooked poem. I hope it is improved.

[breathtest]

Yes, I think it is improved. The second stanza flows better this way. However I like the line 'we are present together' rather than 'I am present' because to me it seems a warmer and more comforting sentiment. I think 'we are present together / in a loving mist' would be a better way to put it, a mix of the two versions. But that is just my opinion. Overall I like the second version more. Thank you for sharing it with us.

[Bar22do]

I'm afraid I have never seen the original, but I like the simplicity of this verse and message, its pure beauty, apparent domestic happiness, beyond torment and drama. The snow globe bubble's image is perfect here, it conveys (me, at least) the feeling of warmth, protetction and - balance, one can only yearn for...

A great pleasure to read this Buh!

Greetings!

[Jerrybaldy]

I loved it as it was. Unpretentious from milk to cheese to poo. You are a one off.

[qimissung]

It is very sweet, B4B. It's a lovely evocation of a happy home life, something I think we all strive for or long for.

[Buh4Bee]

I have to thank Hawkman for his help with this poem. He was very generous and gave a good critique. He knows how to say things in a kind, but straight forward way. I feel lucky!

Thank you all for reading this. The poem sounds better revised, although I appreciate Jerry's input. And Bar whose to say that torment and drama don't exist in the house? It only makes these Hallmark "moments" feel more precious! LOL! Life is hard, but we can experience moments of bliss and even extended periods of happiness. It's OK, right? We don't always have to feel like crap even if things aren't perfect.