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[cacian]

how could you sit
and write a world
without an image
you could hold?
so close it comes
so close it goes
your words are flying out of breath
worried slighlty in the wind.

how could you
speak without a truth?
your voice might not keep
up the truce
you make out
to be a dance
of elms,
amongst the fearless
and the tamed

how could you
dream up
a window's face?
sacrilege to those
who looked
only to see,
through tainted glass,
a glory past
its sale by date.

[Bar22do]

life's full experience is in the fulness of perception...
my preferred line here "your words are flying out of breath", wonderful.
I have enjoyed reading this, thanks a lot cacian!

[cacian]

Hello Bar22do
so glad you enjoyed this one!:)

[Scheherazade]

I think I need to read this poem couple of more times to let it sink, Cacian.

First reactions... It has some beautiful imagaries; especially "your words are flying out of breath", as Bar also pointed out.

I am not sure how well the middle stanza sits with the rest of the poem; it sounds somewhat confusing and confused (I am still not sure how to read it... One sentence? Two? Where is the break if so?)

so close it comes so - I would put the second "so" at the beginning of the following line.

to only see, - Would "who looked only to see" sound better?

As I said, these are just some initial thoughts and am wondering what others think of this.

Good poem to read first thing in the morning because it makes you think! :)

[cacian]

Thank you very much Scheherazade for the great feedback.
I think you are very right about the middle stanza, it did look out of place so now I have adjusted it ,I think it rings better now.

I also adjusted the 'so' and 'to only see'.
It reads better.

Thank you again for reading and enjoying this piece!:)