Tell me what you think, be gentle, lol!!!!!!

[firestarter]

It is overwhelming to know that one day I will be of no more use.
The remains of me burned or buried.
To lose control, to lose any opinion of this earths progress or regression.
Only for some who think that lifes lessons are yet to be learned, whick is true.
But only every generation will learn those lessons, not all, but some at a time.
Soon one day on this earth, light will never be.
And forever more darkness shall fall in conclusion to this worlds transgressions.

[Zeno]

I like it. What did you mean at the end? that the world is gonna end eventually? or that war will kill us?

[Jay]

Well, it's kinda pessimistic, but I like it as well. It just reminded me Nostradamus and his prophecies about the end of the world.

[firestarter]

well at the ending lines, it is supposed to mean that soon one day all the bad things that man has done will catch up to us zeno, and that we wil never be able to take it back, thanks a lot for your opinion,

[firestarter]

thank you jay for you opinion, it helps the ego of a hopefully upcoming writer, but please explain the pessimism. i am curious.

[Jay]

I felt the last two verses are kinda dark, you know, maybe I got it wrong, but it felt a little cataclysmatic,

Soon one day on this earth, light will never be.
And forever more darkness shall fall in conclusion to this worlds transgressions.

[Phantom]

this is great, like me you express your current feelings through your poerty. good job. 8)

[b]

I think you transmitted the feeling correctly, but the style can be improved. It seemed to me like some kind of Romantic-Weltschmerz poem that is - of course - very intriguing to read, but not recalling a feeling stylistic nuance.

[firestarter]

hmm, i am curious, i would like to know how my style can be improved. i only want to get better. i would appreciate it if you would show me how
firestater

[b]

When you want to express a certain feeling (emotion, thought, idea: you name it) on an 'artistical' way, you can use different layers of reality within the art that can encourage the expression.

Those layers of reality - for example the plot, personalities and language - can have structural similaties who can all relate and refer to the original feeling that the artist had when he started writing.

You can use symbolism or ambiguity on all kinds of ways to refer to the general feeling in the poem and by those means encourage its transmission.

If you use the allusions and sybolisms on a stylistically consistant and 'creative', 'original' way, you might also create a feeling that is related to general art: that of esthetical sensation.

Since it's your poem that we are talking about, I can't give concrete examples of ways on which you can create a stylistically nuanced and perfect comopsed expression, without ruining it's origin: it is your emotion that started the whole thing!

I advise you to change the words, sentences, metra, symbolisms, events and sounds on such a way that you create an artistic expression, of which you think it is the best alternative for transmitting your original feeling.

If you are busy doing that, I am willing to discuss the succes of the things that you have changed, so you can improve it.

[firestarter]

i was wondering bartholomeus bloom if you could tell me where you were educated. its interesting to learn of how my style could be improved.
firestarter

[b]

Hello firestarter,

To be honest I haven't been educated on the principle of art. The things that I know of it, I have mostly found out myself by writing and reading a lot. I have always been interested the artistic expression of human thought, but the methods that I found at grammar school to understand and to perform it were allways to unabstract and short-faced for me.

Just like with philosphy, mathematics and music, I found that learning how to understand and perform real art is mostly a process that you have to complete yourself. Because I always dig as deep as possible in the layers of reality of life, I had to use very abstract and personal methods to answer my questions. When you want to become a real artist - I suppose you have the talent! - you have to ask yourself questions like What is the definition of art? in order to be able to fully control the things you utter.

Reading various forms of literature and listening to different styles of music, I soon found out that a lot of things that I had thought out myself were confirmed by the great artists the world has known. When you have thought something out, it is always nice to find such human confirmation of your ideas.

Luckily, I have some (real-life) friends that are also busy with these kind of questions, so that isn't exactly where I need this forum for. But I understand that people who are incertain about their artistic expressions themselves might need some help: I am prepared to give that help.

Another reason why I came to this forum is to transfer from writing in my native language (Dutch) to writing in English. Posting my Engish poetry online enables me to see whether the transformation of language doesn't form any problems.

So when you think you need my advice on your thoughts about art and your artistic experssions, I will be ready to help you.

[firestarter]

i would really appreciate that bart(if you dont mind me calling you that). i myself need to get used to useful criticism so your thoughts and opinions would be rather appreciated.
firestarter

[bodica]

It,s good!! and its you.
Very important to find your own way and not sow your organic seed too close to that factory farm.
Wise words from Mr Bloom heed them well and go forth.