Your best Piece of Writing Ever(5lines or less)

[cacian]

Let share our best lines here NO MORE then FIVE lines.

SAY WHY you think they are one of your best lines!

We get to agree or disagree afterwards.

Let's go:driving::p

[YesNo]

I'll start this off.

The following is a limerick I wrote a few years ago:


Breakfast at the Outdoor Cafe

She brings coffee and croissants to eat
While fat pigeons peck food at my feet
Seeking crumbs out of love
I might drop from above
As I search for her smile when we greet.

The poem keeps coming back to my mind and that is why I consider it one of the best I've written.

Technically, based on my dialect, the rhyme is perfect, there is alliteration throughout, and the meter is correct. These features make it pleasing to my ear at an aural level which is another reason why I picked it.

Regarding the content, which I consider to be the most important part of a poem, there is a parallelism between the pigeons in their relationship to the "I" character and that character's relationship to the person bringing coffee and croissants. In both cases it is a relationship of compassion in giving food to someone else. The "I" character is also looking for a smile. I find the ideas expressed pleasing as well.

[cacian]

I'll start this off.

The following is a limerick I wrote a few years ago:


Breakfast at the Outdoor Cafe

She brings coffee and croissants to eat
While fat pigeons peck food at my feet
Seeking crumbs out of love
I might drop from above
As I search for her smile when we greet.

The poem keeps coming back to my mind and that is why I consider it one of the best I've written.

Technically, based on my dialect, the rhyme is perfect, there is alliteration throughout, and the meter is correct. These features make it pleasing to my ear at an aural level which is another reason why I picked it.

Regarding the content, which I consider to be the most important part of a poem, there is a parallelism between the pigeons in their relationship to the "I" character and that character's relationship to the person bringing coffee and croissants. In both cases it is a relationship of compassion in giving food to someone else. The "I" character is also looking for a smile. I find the ideas expressed pleasing as well.

Great lines indeed.
May I ask one you thought of a bird(piegon) to capture a relationship that is mainly something we refer to betweenn humans and not a bird and a person for example.

Also when you wrote this did you have the image in mind firts?
Or did you just hit the notes and this is what came out of it?

[YesNo]

Thanks for the comments, cacian.

I wrote this while eating a croissant and drinking coffee by myself at a cafe's outdoor tables where there were pigeons who came underfoot looking for crumbs, or something larger. I was waiting for my daughter's afternoon orchestra practice to finish so I could take her back home.

The female was imagined, but the pigeons were real enough.

Do you have some lines you would like to share?

[cacian]

Hi YesNo

I like this opening paragraph because I wrote without thinking, the words just poured out as I typed.

''A sound no lighter then a breeze chirped through the air. It sped at an amasing circular pace as billions of particles of beams, colours and hydroxygene dusts trapped into a spherical movement that lasted less then a second.
The chime like sound was transported intransigently across a new heights. A planet ahead was rising. It happened in a shere moment, within a timeless, zoneless surreal slot.''

[YesNo]

I often write without thinking although some revisions might occur later. If I had to think through everything I wrote in advance, I probably wouldn't write anything at all.

I haven't heard the word "surreal" used in a long time, but associated with what is "timeless" and "zoneless" seems appropriate. Did you actually experience this sphere of sound?

[cacian]

I often write without thinking although some revisions might occur later. If I had to think through everything I wrote in advance, I probably wouldn't write anything at all.

I haven't heard the word "surreal" used in a long time, but associated with what is "timeless" and "zoneless" seems appropriate. Did you actually experience this sphere of sound?

No I did not haha...I just made it up.

[Adolescent09]

Hi YesNo

I like this opening paragraph because I wrote without thinking, the words just poured out as I typed.

''A sound no lighter then a breeze chirped through the air. It sped at an amasing circular pace as billions of particles of beams, colours and hydroxygene dusts trapped into a spherical movement that lasted less then a second.
The chime like sound was transported intransigently across a new heights. A planet ahead was rising. It happened in a shere moment, within a timeless, zoneless surreal slot.''

I like using the same strain of arbitrary, directionless thought when writing a poem. It allows me to look at it through a less critical lens and appreciate the art of writing as a spontaneous thing. With a few less adjectives and some more organized thought (yet not overlooking the spontaneity of the piece as a whole) this could easily be rewritten as a poem. Good job. :)

[Adolescent09]

As for my best piece of writing that was 5 lines or less... That would have to be this very short poem I wrote years ago.

Vicissitude
Adolescent09
The worst thing that could happen
to any of us is the worst
thing that could happen
to any
one of us.

An honorable mention would be:

Twilight Dusk
Adolescent09
A land of browning shadow
beneath starry skies
is covered in violet mallow
where subtle beauty cries
...

[YesNo]

I think I agree with the idea in Vicissitude and I like the sound of Twilight Dusk. The second one makes me wonder what subtle beauty is crying for.

[cacian]

I like using the same strain of arbitrary, directionless thought when writing a poem. It allows me to look at it through a less critical lens and appreciate the art of writing as a spontaneous thing. With a few less adjectives and some more organized thought (yet not overlooking the spontaneity of the piece as a whole) this could easily be rewritten as a poem. Good job. :)

Hi Adolescent09
Glad you enjoyed this little paragraph.
I agree that writing freely and without constraint makes a good read because it is a natural way of writing I think.
One should practice sponteaneous writing more often for one may surprise oneself .:smile5:

[cacian]

As for my best piece of writing that was 5 lines or less... That would have to be this very short poem I wrote years ago.

Vicissitude
Adolescent09
The worst thing that could happen
to any of us is the worst
thing that could happen
to any
one of us.

An honorable mention would be:

Twilight Dusk
Adolescent09
A land of browning shadow
beneath starry skies
is covered in violet mallow
where subtle beauty cries
...

These are very poignant poems.
I like their simplicity and their truthfulness.
Very well done I enjoyed them!:)

[cafolini]

I am that I am. Therefore, I might even think.
I am that I am not. Therefore, I might even die.

[cacian]

I am that I am. Therefore, I might even think.
I am that I am not. Therefore, I might even die.

Great lines cafolini!:thumbs_up

[Adolescent09]

Great lines cafolini!:thumbs_up

I concur. I gather a sense of mystery and intrigue from reading those lines.

[Alexander III]

I have always been fond of these lines

I have fled, and I flee and flee and flee. Distantly,
Like a star, circumnavigating it's soundless grave.


Not sure why exatly I am proud of these lines, but I really do like them.

[YesNo]

I have fled, and I flee and flee and flee. Distantly,
Like a star, circumnavigating it's soundless grave.

The first line has a nice sound to it with the alliteration on "f" and the repeated rhyme on "e" and "ly". The second gives the reader something to think about.

[Adolescent09]

The first line has a nice sound to it with the alliteration on "f" and the repeated rhyme on "e" and "ly". The second gives the reader something to think about.

The second line reminds me of a black hole, but then again black holes make an exceedingly obstreperous sound so I'm not exactly sure what he could be referring to. I guess you're right... It does make one ponder. :)

[YesNo]

I was thinking the black hole at the center of the galaxy that the star is circling. I assume there is a black hole there. Since there is no air to carry the sound, I didn't think there would be any sound involved, but I don't know either.

[cacian]

I have always been fond of these lines

I have fled, and I flee and flee and flee. Distantly,
Like a star, circumnavigating it's soundless grave.


Not sure why exatly I am proud of these lines, but I really do like them.

They are very interesting almost musical lines.
They have a movement to them which makes them stand out.
I enjoyed this thank you!

[cacian]

Here is my next piece that I think is Ok/good.


''I walked I saw and as I watched
I took each step as vision space''

[YesNo]

Here is my next piece that I think is Ok/good.


''I walked I saw and as I watched
I took each step as vision space''

I liked the iambic tetrameter and the alliteration on the "s" sound between the lines. I'm not sure what "vision space" means, but if by this you are intending an awareness of oneself watching then it makes sense to me.

[cacian]

I liked the iambic tetrameter and the alliteration on the "s" sound between the lines. I'm not sure what "vision space" means, but if by this you are intending an awareness of oneself watching then it makes sense to me.

Thank you YesNo.
About 'vision space' I just like the idea of it and yes it works on the concept of prediciting ones' turns of life if you like, awarness is another word for it.

[slipee]

Hi,

I don't write very often, and I haven't finished reading the thread yet. I was looking for an alliteration thread and came across this site.
Here's my contribution anyhow~

There we stand, again we pass. I know us line for line, enveloping and divine. Paradise is a gracious host
Earth and sea - mirror and frame. Wishes granted while we drift, we're free like the wind, weightless and elusive
All but a veil remains - and a hint of a ghostly apparition vanishes in the waves.
Enjoy it all, lest we forget, tinctured prism and tinselled silhouette. Just because and just because.. when nothingness is absolute - is when you have it all

It's 5 lines in the original file. Maybe it's not structurally sound.
Enjoy

[YesNo]

The "when nothingness is absolute - is when you have it all", I found interesting. I'm not sure what it means, but I would be curious to know more.

[slipee]

Hi, thanks.

I don't think it's all that literal. Rhetoric, possibly. I think I meant satisfaction and fulfilment in nothingness, suggesting that in absolute nothingness, there is nothing, self inclusive. But in that state you could not perceive it, because you too would be nothingness.
Existentially speaking, 'Wealth and desire sit at opposite ends of the scale.' (-Was that Horace?) I forget who quoted that. I'm not much of a philosophy buff, but have my own sort of philosophy of course. As long as you desire you will never be wealthy - metaphorically speaking but it also works literally too.
When nothingness is absolute, you have it all - in another sense I could say that in absolute nothingness, there is nothing to be had, or "not" had either. So in that perspective having and not having would be parallel.

At the same time, I think when I wrote it it was more about how the words felt together and sounded as well as the images they let sit in my mind. It could possibly be explained to me what I meant more than I know myself. They weren't clear thoughts, they were just where I needed to be I think.

Edit- I also realise I am in way over my head with you guys and your level of education in regards to literature. My feedback would be feeble in comparison to some of the poetic analyses I have read since posting this!

[YesNo]

Sounds OK to me, slipee. Welcome to the forums. I'm no expert at any of this. I like the idea that in absolute nothingness there is nothing to be had and as long as you desire you will never be wealthy.

Perhaps oddly, it reminds me of some lines from the Bhagavad Gita: "They live in wisdom who see themselves in all and all in them. Neither agitated by grief nor hankering after pleasure they live free from lust and fear and anger."

[jajdude]

No idea any more what is good writing. It's confusing. You write something you think is good, no one likes it, or something trivial gets applause. A few good lines occur here and there.

[YesNo]

I don't know either, jajdude. The applause doesn't last long in any case.

[cacian]

This is another piece I consider quite unusual.

''the physical consequences of reality suggests one might take great care in relating not humour humour but lighteness to drama and natural to humans.
Modern life is all about flair and consequences are subjective to the lattest. If taken seriously one might derail from its subject but if taken slightely one may research if further, such is the meaning of complexity''

[slipee]

To me that suggests (or agrees) that less is more, and over-complication compromises beauty, perfection and/or the power of subtlety to convey depth.

"The deepest rivers flow with the least sound."-Curtius Rufus Quintus.

Image and appearance are the strongest variables in quick decision making also, which is the bread and butter of modern life.

When coming to terms with things in a way that satisfies your perception of the world, then parody is not an insult, humour does not offend greatness (there is a humorous side to everything), and cynicism is realist banter; not pessimistic complaint or poor spirit.

One might take a Nihilist approach, and practice Absurdism with no consequences except the misinterpretation of others. If it is important to take the misinterpretation of others into consideration because of potential consequences, then surely you will derail from your intended expression.

Also there seems to be grammatical error in the phrase which I am ignoring, but it could be some technical grammar I'm unaware of.

"Buffalo buffalo Buffalo buffalo buffalo buffalo Buffalo buffalo." -If that can be a grammatically correct sentence (which it is) I don't question anything any more.

Most things of course especially in Art and Literature should be open to interpretation. As an Artist myself (who now prefers words and phrases for creative expression) the most important things to me are humour, wit, ambiguity and the hilariously absurd (anything but the expected drama of reality).

-That is the collection of thoughts to which the phrase you posted was the catalyst.

[cacian]

To me that suggests (or agrees) that less is more, and over-complication compromises beauty, perfection and/or the power of subtlety to convey depth.

"The deepest rivers flow with the least sound."-Curtius Rufus Quintus.

Image and appearance are the strongest variables in quick decision making also, which is the bread and butter of modern life.

When coming to terms with things in a way that satisfies your perception of the world, then parody is not an insult, humour does not offend greatness (there is a humorous side to everything), and cynicism is realist banter; not pessimistic complaint or poor spirit.

One might take a Nihilist approach, and practice Absurdism with no consequences except the misinterpretation of others. If it is important to take the misinterpretation of others into consideration because of potential consequences, then surely you will derail from your intended expression.

Also there seems to be grammatical error in the phrase which I am ignoring, but it could be some technical grammar I'm unaware of.

"Buffalo buffalo Buffalo buffalo buffalo buffalo Buffalo buffalo." -If that can be a grammatically correct sentence (which it is) I don't question anything any more.

Most things of course especially in Art and Literature should be open to interpretation. As an Artist myself (who now prefers words and phrases for creative expression) the most important things to me are humour, wit, ambiguity and the hilariously absurd (anything but the expected drama of reality).

-That is the collection of thoughts to which the phrase you posted was the catalyst.

Slipee I have read this with great interest and I am baffled to what your title is refering to.

[slipee]

oh sorry cacian,


''the physical consequences of reality suggests one might take great care in relating not humour humour but lighteness to drama and natural to humans.
Modern life is all about flair and consequences are subjective to the lattest. If taken seriously one might derail from its subject but if taken slightely one may research if further, such is the meaning of complexity''

My title referred to your previous post about this^^
It was just my interpretation, or the set of thoughts it generated for me.

:cheers2:

[cacian]

oh sorry cacian,



My title referred to your previous post about this^^
It was just my interpretation, or the set of thoughts it generated for me.

:cheers2:

great read it was indeed:smile5: