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BookBeauty
02-26-2012, 09:59 PM
Gnat Man awoke with a start. His last memory was the vague flash of a boot upon his forehead.

Food deprivation caused his eyesight to blur, but he could make out the faded edges of the room. He blinked a few times. Windows. A long desk. Simple, elegant walls painted in royal red, framed in grey. Glittering lights from skyscrapers might have reflected the starry sky from the windows, if the stars weren't blotted out by rampant street lamps.

''So, we meet again, Gnat Man.'' A voice slithered along the walls of the large office. Gnat Man sat in a rather comfortable chair, hands tied and pressed into the cushion behind him. In front of him was a foe he knew all too well.

It was a balding man that sat in the large desk across from Gnat Man. Tufts of peppery hair grew out along the sides of his head. Tiny lenses with near-invisible frames perched at the end of a hawk's nose. The tag on the desk read, ''Dr. Jacob Munroe,'' There was the distinct smell of cognac in the air. Ice clinked into a glass, held by a firm, bony hand.

''You're something of an enigma to me, Gnat Man. I wonder: Why is it that you disrupt progress?''

''Mrrff!'' Gnat Man responded.

''Ah, of course. Judy, could you remove the mouth gag? Simple villain formalities, since you seem to think me one.''

The mouth gag was removed. Gnat Man might have bit the hand that removed it, if it were not so kind and soft-looking, fingernails lacquered to a perfect, cleanly shine. It would be a shame to ruin such a work of art.

''Same question,'' drawled Dr. Munroe, taking the cognac glass to his tight lips and sipping languidly, as if he had all the time in the world.

Gnat Man contemplated making a wry retort, about not having to answer to the likes of this man, but thought better of it. The doctor looked incredibly patient.

''People may be blind to your activities, Dr. Munroe, but not me. I cannot stand idly by, allowing you to destroy an entire city with your incredibly advanced scientific weapons.''

''Certainly not!'' Scoffed the doctor with a snort, rolling the glass in his hand.

''Have you any idea what I'm trying to do? Not simply a city. That's just a cancerous tumour. But, where is the source? Surely you can see that humanity is a waste. I think that we can all agree that nobody is going to agree to come together, and work together in peace, and proper progress. I am simply giving mother nature a hand. She deserves it, after the havoc we have caused.''

Gnat Man was silent for a few moments. What if he was right? What was the point of humanity, when most were cruel, and wrong? Most people did terrible things, acting like children with magnifying glasses, burning unsuspecting ants. The poor ants! The cognac glass slid to the table, and the older gentleman smiled slightly as he observed Gnat Man's reaction.

''Ah yes. You are considering it, are you not? It is a difficult point to argue with.''

''No!'' Gnat Man blurted out. Denial, and fear framed the tone. It was almost a plea.

''Yes, yes. You are tired of it too. Day by day, stopping the terrible acts committed. The cruelty to animals. The wretched ignorance, and insanity that lies rampant in the darkest corners of humanity. How could you not grow tired of it? But, I offer a simple solution.''

Gnat Man was beginning to agree. Fear crept in, and startling jabs of panic. No! This was wrong! This was not the way he was supposed to be... He was a Super Hero! He had to defend humanity. But, what was there to defend? What hope did they have? What was the point, when all they brought was suffering? Had Dr. Munroe drugged him? Yes, that must be it. He had drugged him.

''Gnat Man...'' Dr. Munroe chewed the words around in his mouth as if he was tasting something foul. He knew that he had won, chuckling softly to himself as he rose from his seat, strolling to look out upon the skyscrapers of the brilliant city. He was holding the trigger in his hand, of a bomb gone untested, but would certainly cause greater harm than a nuclear one. It was crafted with nanotechnology. Gnat Man could not even imagine the implications.

''Now, why on earth did you call yourself that, anyhow? Gnat Man, I mean? You've got no super human powers of flight. You don't even have abnormally large jowls. You're simply one of those Gadget-Heroes.''

And suddenly, it all came back to Gnat. His purpose as a Super Hero. His reason for being.

He had paused to consider Dr. Munroe's offer, but all along he had been prepared. A slicing sound from his Gnat-Knife was muffled by the clinking of the glass that Dr. Munroe again lifted from his desk.

He hadn't had much of a chance, but it would have to do.

He dove headlong across the desk, sliding along the smooth wood, sending glass shattering to the floor, and catching the evil doctor by surprise. The trigger-button went flying through the air, spinning, twirling. He watched in the same way as one would witness a traumatic event. It would be a blur in retrospect, but time was an inch worm then, crawling, both steady and slow. He was horrified.

And then a long, limber arm reached up with the grace of a thousand swans. She caught it. It was Drat Girl!

''You bought us just enough time!'' The blue-haired vixen beamed joyously, doing a little dance in her Lime-Green Spandex.

''Curses!'' The Doctor spouted venomously.

It wasn't long before the authorities arrived, snapping cuffs around the evil doctor's wrists. The doctor's only mistake, other than the usual monologue he would have given, was in reminding Gnat Man why he chose to don his Pink Suit.

Gnat Man had grown up in the country, in a land nestled between forests, river and farmland. He had been blessed by a loving family, and a small, tightly woven community.

It was there that he took his first steps, and learned what it truly meant to be a Hero. It was in living harmoniously with nature, and people alike.

He was very young when the gnat had bit him. He could not have been more than six. But, he withdrew his hand, and saw the blood upon it. It was there that he contemplated that small creature's death. He wondered, in a child's way, how being slapped into someone's neck must feel, being the size of a pebble.

He realized then that the creature was not so different from him. He was living. Breathing the same air. He probably got scared, when Gnat came tumbling through the garden. Maybe that's why he bit him. Maybe he bit him because he needed to drink his blood to survive. It didn't really matter, did it? They both needed to survive.

Gnat Man had started to cry, spouting apologies to the remnants of the gnat that decorated his hand in black and red mush.

Tears flowed. He vowed from that day forward, he would never harm a living creature again. Because, no matter what their status in life was, large, or small, he believed with a sudden clarity that they were all alike in dignity, and no one deserved to live, or die, any more or less. They all had to be given the chance to live.

Humanity was different, though. He grew to learn that very well. But, as long as one man, Gnat Man, still believed, then others might too. And maybe, just maybe... That could be enough hope for a future. One could be the small voice that echoed inside many.

AuntShecky
02-29-2012, 05:34 PM
First, it's always refreshing to see a LitNutter attempt a parody, in this case a take-off on the super hero phenomena that dominate the Cineplexes, for instance Spider-Man and his counterparts.

Comic books featuring superheroes go way back-- Superman's first appearance, so the Google machine tells me, was in 1933. Nowadays,the problem is that Superhero motif have been so goshdarn successful and astoundingly lucrative that everybody wants to get in on the action. Every time you turn on the tube you see skits on SNL or any number of sitcoms making fun of these pop culture "icons" (as they're called.) So if you were going to attempt yet another parody of this sort, I would suggest that you make it really fresh-- different enough so that readers won't think the subject matter has been around the block too many times.

I don't know when the first parody of superheroes occurred, but maybe the first literary work on this type of creature was in 1946, with "The Man-Moth" by Elizabeth Bishop. It's a whimsical, multi-layered poem that doesn't really parodize any specific comic book character but rather explores the concept of a human with unusual abilities. Her title was inspired by a newspaper misprint for "mammoth" and as a result, her high-quality poem expresses, according to the editors of the Norton Anthology "an unfazed sympathy for animal-human plight." So you can see that she does much, much more than merely make fun of the genre.

As a matter of fact, her poem opens with a description of setting just like your story:
"Here, above
cracks in the building are filled with battered moonlight.
The whole shadow of Man is only as big as his hat."

I'm sure you can recognize how her description of setting is more succinct than Glittering lights from skyscrapers might have reflected the starry sky from the windows, if the stars weren't blotted out by rampant street lamps.

(Speaking of openings, I wish LitNutters would stop making the first reference to the chief character a pronoun. Use his name, or some kind of noun.

From your story I get the impression that you know that a parody isn't just imitating the subject matter (in fact, most parodies are about topics different from that of the original.) What they do is imitate the form. I don't mean like drawing a new comic book, but by copying the writing, the plot devices, and the style of the dialogue.

This is what I think you're attempting to do and I applaud your effort. Usually I have an aversion to one-sentence paragraphs (they seem undeveloped and make the text look "choppy") and I deplore one-word sentences (such as a lazy screenwriter might make.) But here they depict of the illustrations within typical comic book panels, and as such, they're a clever workaround.

Another effective feature your story shows is the stilted dialogue. Although later Superhero movies adopt a tongue-in-cheek attitude, not being afraid to laugh at themselves --e.g. "Ironman" and the Batman movie with the stunning performance by the late Heath Ledger-- the original heroes had a tendency to take themselves way too seriously. There's always a naive innocence about them, though, in their unwavering righteousness. These days that kind of earnestness can easily slip into "camp," which some of the aforementioned movies embrace wholeheartedly. In your piece you go straight to the original version, with the stilted dialogue and indeed, the narration itself. (I hope it was intentional.)

A final confrontation between the hero and his nemesis characterizes most of these stories, and you present such a scene here. It seems, however, a little anti-climactic in that it takes place in the arch-villain's office. I would have preferred to have witnessed the scene right before this one, showing the "action" which incidentally was the original title of the Superman
comic book series.

Despite the outcry against the so-called "corrupting influence of comic books"--there was an actual Congressional Hearing on this issue in the Fifties!--super hero comic books always had a "moral." In the classic battle of good vs. evil, the good guy always wins. But even there the moral of the story wasn't as explicit as the concluding passage of your story does. It should be implied rather than spelled out.

Providing the "back story" (the history of how Gnat-Man got to be that way) appears in early manifestations of the typical super hero,a la Superman's escape from his home planet. Just like Spider-Man who acquires his unique powers via a spider bite, your guy gets his abilities from the bite of a gnat. As in the "moral," it might have been better to have appeared at the beginning of the story, or inobtrusively woven in. In your story, the back story in its present location seems a bit "tacked on."

And finally, even though the original superhero comic books take themselves dead seriously, every parody is in some way funny. Not that it isn't amusing, but I'd say what your story really needs are a couple more good jokes.

It took me a long time to write this critique, so I hope you haven't interpreted
my intention. Your effort is laudable, and worthy of improvement, so I hope my suggestions can in some way help.

Okay?

Auntie

BookBeauty
02-29-2012, 06:37 PM
AuntShecky - First, thanks so much for taking the time to read and evaluate my work! I most certainly hadn't expected anyone to comment on this one. This is the product of deciding that I 'needed' to write at 3 AM. :) I find your critique to cut to the matter succinctly, and is indeed very helpful, as your critiques always are. I have many weaknesses in my writing, especially in paragraph format and order. I have difficulty getting my points organized properly. I also agree that the setting is bland. And the jokes are sadly missing! Oi, but I'm no good with 'funny' things. Anyway, I really enjoyed reading what you had to say about comic book parodies. You have so much information! I'm envious. :)

It seems as if I've hit a bit of a pattern. I will write something, and once it's written, I don't want to touch it even though I know that it needs to be fixed, at least once somebody points out the stuff I hadn't seen before. It's as if I just don't want to take the time and effort to make it perfect. I think I'm a lazy writer. :( Do you think I should force myself to go back and try and rework things like this?

MystyrMystyry
02-29-2012, 07:33 PM
I didn't mind it as it is, but in the absence of Aunty - everything is unfinished. There is always something that can be added or subtracted. Or rewritten a little, or entirely, but ultimately it's up to the author to have their own personal favorite version, as well as a public version (different ending, style etc) - sometimes they're the same, sometimes wildly different in tone. It can be a rewarding exercise to outline a story, write it, put it away for a month or so - and then rewrite it from the top without checking the original, then repeating the process - every month writing a new version, and only comparing them at the end of the year to see how different they are.

I found it a breeze to read, which is a really good thing.

Actually I don't know how I missed it the first time round (perhaps just as well - it may have interfered with me writing my Superhero poem).

BookBeauty
03-01-2012, 04:18 AM
Hey MystrMystyry! Thanks for taking the time to read and say a few words. I suppose I shouldn't over-think it. Maybe I'll do as you say and rewrite it. I actually read it over and found that it wasn't as devastating as I thought, but it's more likely that I'll be going back to the Anna Barcello piece than this one. I'm glad it was easily read, though. I space my paragraphs too much in most pieces, and it's convenient that it works stylistically here. :)

I'm glad there was no interference to your poem, too, since, as I've already said a few times: Your poems are awesome!