Biggus
02-23-2012, 04:53 AM
ARE YOU WEARING A CARNATION?
Are you wearing a carnation?
To mark you out at the station
As you stand beneath the clock
In your best evening frock
Or do you keep it under your cloak
Until you get a look at the bloke
And if you don’t fancy him
Do you throw it in the bin?
ARE YOU WEARING A NEGLIGEE?
Are you wearing a negligee?
It’s really very nice, I must say
I can see through it all the way
Every line, every curve, every dip
But if I might just offer a little tip
The foliage could do with a clip
ARE YOU WEARING CLEAN UNDERWEAR?
Are you wearing clean underwear?
That’s what my mum asked me. I swear
Every time I left the house to go out
Are you wearing clean underwear? She’d shout
As I proceeded swiftly with my fleeing
But her concern was not for my well being
She was worried about her embarrassment
If I were to suffer a serious accident
And be undressed by the nursing staff
Where my dirty pants would raise a laugh
ARE YOU WEARING SOMETHING WICKED?
Are you wearing something wicked?
Are you black clad beneath the white?
Underneath your dress are you silkily encased?
For a very wicked wedding night
ARE YOU WEARING LINCOLN GREEN?
Are you wearing Lincoln green?
Do you really think you should?
Because this isn’t merry England
And you aren’t Robin Hood
ARE YOU WEARING A FROWN?
Are you wearing a frown?
Is something getting you down?
It’s something I’ve done?
A broken rule? What another one?
Oh now what is that look about?
I’ve done it now, no doubt
Now your arms are folded
I’m about to get scolded
No I don’t have a clue
What I’ve done to upset you
If you don’t tell me I’ll never guess
The reason for your distress
So spit it out nice and plain
To avoid having to say it again
Ok so the reason for the frown
Is I didn’t put the loo seat down
ARE YOU WEARING BOOTS?
Are you wearing boots?
It’s a little warm for that Betty
No they suit you very well indeed
But they make your calves sweaty
ARE YOU WEARING A MOUSTACHE?
Are you wearing a moustache?
And is that a shaving rash?
Well I’m really sorry Ash
But I think I have to dash
ARE YOU WEARING SOMETHING SAUCY?
Are you wearing something saucy?
Beneath your beautiful wedding livery
Little more than lacy bits of string
That should render you all shivery
When on your wedding night you are
Unwrapped like a special delivery
ARE YOU WEARING FAKE TAN?
Are you wearing fake tan?
Or have you been out in the sun
Either way I’m not really fussed
But seeing your white bits might be fun
Are you wearing a carnation?
To mark you out at the station
As you stand beneath the clock
In your best evening frock
Or do you keep it under your cloak
Until you get a look at the bloke
And if you don’t fancy him
Do you throw it in the bin?
ARE YOU WEARING A NEGLIGEE?
Are you wearing a negligee?
It’s really very nice, I must say
I can see through it all the way
Every line, every curve, every dip
But if I might just offer a little tip
The foliage could do with a clip
ARE YOU WEARING CLEAN UNDERWEAR?
Are you wearing clean underwear?
That’s what my mum asked me. I swear
Every time I left the house to go out
Are you wearing clean underwear? She’d shout
As I proceeded swiftly with my fleeing
But her concern was not for my well being
She was worried about her embarrassment
If I were to suffer a serious accident
And be undressed by the nursing staff
Where my dirty pants would raise a laugh
ARE YOU WEARING SOMETHING WICKED?
Are you wearing something wicked?
Are you black clad beneath the white?
Underneath your dress are you silkily encased?
For a very wicked wedding night
ARE YOU WEARING LINCOLN GREEN?
Are you wearing Lincoln green?
Do you really think you should?
Because this isn’t merry England
And you aren’t Robin Hood
ARE YOU WEARING A FROWN?
Are you wearing a frown?
Is something getting you down?
It’s something I’ve done?
A broken rule? What another one?
Oh now what is that look about?
I’ve done it now, no doubt
Now your arms are folded
I’m about to get scolded
No I don’t have a clue
What I’ve done to upset you
If you don’t tell me I’ll never guess
The reason for your distress
So spit it out nice and plain
To avoid having to say it again
Ok so the reason for the frown
Is I didn’t put the loo seat down
ARE YOU WEARING BOOTS?
Are you wearing boots?
It’s a little warm for that Betty
No they suit you very well indeed
But they make your calves sweaty
ARE YOU WEARING A MOUSTACHE?
Are you wearing a moustache?
And is that a shaving rash?
Well I’m really sorry Ash
But I think I have to dash
ARE YOU WEARING SOMETHING SAUCY?
Are you wearing something saucy?
Beneath your beautiful wedding livery
Little more than lacy bits of string
That should render you all shivery
When on your wedding night you are
Unwrapped like a special delivery
ARE YOU WEARING FAKE TAN?
Are you wearing fake tan?
Or have you been out in the sun
Either way I’m not really fussed
But seeing your white bits might be fun