sensen
02-20-2012, 07:19 PM
AWKWARD SPAGHETTI
By Sensen
What is awkward?
Not remembering the name of the person who’s hysterically screaming your name on the street. Waking up next to a strange girl with half peeled fake eyelashes and breasts a thousand times smaller than what you saw last night. Farting in a quiet, crowded lift. Now that is awkward, if not disgusting.
But what about pointing a gun at someone’s head as your boss’s order? Hi, I don’t know who the hell you are but I’ll just have to shoot your face off.
My name is Richard Wilkins. I’m a driver for Joe Moe. And I’m about to shoot someone in the head.
His name is Tim. Tim Harrington. He’s also a driver and works for Joe Moe’s biggest threat, Fred Baker. Now, Fred and Joe go back a long way. Started out as street rats, their first profession was selling goodies to the rich kids, you know, goodies that aren’t exactly available at your local 7-11 stores. They worked their way up and started looking after others’ businesses. When I say “looking after others’ businesses”, I mean giving the business owner a ticket to see his ancestors if he refused to let them look after his business. Fred and Joe didn’t really have much difficulties breaking into that industry. Pretty much every potential client nodded without hesitation after Fred and Joe massacred the entire family of a grocery owner who refused to pay up.
But then, Fred’s vision changed. He wanted more money, more freedom, more power. So he started doing his own things which clashed with Joe’s things which eventually turned partners into foes. Still, life goes on, there’s money to be made, people to kill and lives to destroy. Fred and Joe’s story would have ended there with two fat men swimming in their own lard and blood money if one fine day, Sophia Madden didn’t decide to show up.
A beautiful singer, Sophia appeared out of nowhere and ripped Joe’s heart out. Sick as a puppy, he couldn’t wait to see her fall. The thing about Joe is that he’s always had a weakness for divine women. He likes the chase and the taste of victory when she’s finally in his bed. He’s like Casanova, a really ugly, fat Casanova. And so you can imagine how pissed he was when Fred decided that he also liked Sophia but didn’t want to waste time courting. He got to the woman, had his way with her and beat the living daylight out of her after he was done. Sophia ran to Joe, cried her eyes out and begged him to help her with revenge. She didn’t have to beg. Before she finished her story, Joe had already known what to do. He decided to chop Fred’s balls off. On his own.
And that takes us back to where I am right now, standing in an empty car park, gun pointing at Tim. We both have been watching Joe and Fred fight and when both sacks of meat went down, we had to get out of our cars if we wanted to live.
“For **** sake, Joe, I didn’t even touch your ***** let alone beating her up.” Fred yells.
“Shut your mouth, you pig! What are you waiting for, Richard? Shoot him!” Joe screams. His face’s covered in blood. Neither he or Fred could move.
“I can’t, boss! Tim’s also got a gun in my face!” I reply.
“Ok, Richard, listen to me, get back into your car, drive away, far, far away, you don’t want to be involved. Everyone’s coming, you understand? I made a call and everyone’s coming, you won’t stand a chance.” Tim speaks, his voice cold as ice.
“Well, then that makes it two of us. Don’t you think I’ve made a call as well? There’s gonna be a blood bath when both our boys get here.” I say.
Tim blinks. He slowly lowers his gun.
“What the hell are you doing?” Fred screams. I can tell if he had a gun right now, he would probably shoot Tim first.
Tim glances at Fred. His gun raises again but this time, it’s pointing at Fred.
“I’m doing exactly what you did to my parents 10 years ago.” Tim replies wryly.
Fred’s mouth is now as wide as a cow’s arse.
“Tim, what on earth are you on about? What parents? What did I do? I don’t even know your parents."
Tim slightly tilts his head:
“Oh you know my parents alright! You just didn’t know me.”
“I really don’t know what you’re talking about, man. Whatever this is, it’s a mistake.” Fred begs.
“C’mon Fred, use your brain, dig deep, remember what you did 10 years ago? Remember how you started? With that grocery store owner? You thought you shot the parents, the kids, the grandparents, the nephews, nieces, cousins, uncles, aunties, the entire family tree. Well, not exactly. My parents had 8 kids. I’m one of his sons. I was away that day.” Tim speaks through grinding teeth.
Fred’s jaw drops. He starts blinking nervously as he sweats some more like a pig in the middle of a blazing summer day.
“No, no, Tim, listen to me. It wasn’t me. It was Joe Moe who initiated the whole deal. You gotta trust me on this. Joe wanted to shoot your family, not me.”
“Don’t you dare putting it on me, you maggot! Richard, shoot them!” Joe screams.
“Click”. Joe can hear a gun cocking sound next to his temple. He looks up. His face freezes as if he’s seeing a ghost.
You remember the grocery store owner whose family Joe and Fred massacred? I forgot to mention that 3 of his kids were away the day their family died. I’m one of the two sons.
*
Making it look like a gang shootout with pretty much everybody dead afterwards will buy us plenty of time to flee this country. It won’t be long before another gang and more new gangs form to take over these towns after Joe Moe’s and Fred Baker’s death, but frankly, we don't care. Revenge is done and now it’s time to pick up our little sister. She’ll be waiting to order us around the house to make up for busting her lips and some other bruises even though she stepped up for it. Tonight, she’ll be cooking the only thing she knows how to cook: meatball spaghetti. As we sink our teeth into the juicy meatballs, each of us won’t be able to help but silently think of Fred Baker’s balls, which were still intact when he died.
Now that is awkward.
The end.
By Sensen
What is awkward?
Not remembering the name of the person who’s hysterically screaming your name on the street. Waking up next to a strange girl with half peeled fake eyelashes and breasts a thousand times smaller than what you saw last night. Farting in a quiet, crowded lift. Now that is awkward, if not disgusting.
But what about pointing a gun at someone’s head as your boss’s order? Hi, I don’t know who the hell you are but I’ll just have to shoot your face off.
My name is Richard Wilkins. I’m a driver for Joe Moe. And I’m about to shoot someone in the head.
His name is Tim. Tim Harrington. He’s also a driver and works for Joe Moe’s biggest threat, Fred Baker. Now, Fred and Joe go back a long way. Started out as street rats, their first profession was selling goodies to the rich kids, you know, goodies that aren’t exactly available at your local 7-11 stores. They worked their way up and started looking after others’ businesses. When I say “looking after others’ businesses”, I mean giving the business owner a ticket to see his ancestors if he refused to let them look after his business. Fred and Joe didn’t really have much difficulties breaking into that industry. Pretty much every potential client nodded without hesitation after Fred and Joe massacred the entire family of a grocery owner who refused to pay up.
But then, Fred’s vision changed. He wanted more money, more freedom, more power. So he started doing his own things which clashed with Joe’s things which eventually turned partners into foes. Still, life goes on, there’s money to be made, people to kill and lives to destroy. Fred and Joe’s story would have ended there with two fat men swimming in their own lard and blood money if one fine day, Sophia Madden didn’t decide to show up.
A beautiful singer, Sophia appeared out of nowhere and ripped Joe’s heart out. Sick as a puppy, he couldn’t wait to see her fall. The thing about Joe is that he’s always had a weakness for divine women. He likes the chase and the taste of victory when she’s finally in his bed. He’s like Casanova, a really ugly, fat Casanova. And so you can imagine how pissed he was when Fred decided that he also liked Sophia but didn’t want to waste time courting. He got to the woman, had his way with her and beat the living daylight out of her after he was done. Sophia ran to Joe, cried her eyes out and begged him to help her with revenge. She didn’t have to beg. Before she finished her story, Joe had already known what to do. He decided to chop Fred’s balls off. On his own.
And that takes us back to where I am right now, standing in an empty car park, gun pointing at Tim. We both have been watching Joe and Fred fight and when both sacks of meat went down, we had to get out of our cars if we wanted to live.
“For **** sake, Joe, I didn’t even touch your ***** let alone beating her up.” Fred yells.
“Shut your mouth, you pig! What are you waiting for, Richard? Shoot him!” Joe screams. His face’s covered in blood. Neither he or Fred could move.
“I can’t, boss! Tim’s also got a gun in my face!” I reply.
“Ok, Richard, listen to me, get back into your car, drive away, far, far away, you don’t want to be involved. Everyone’s coming, you understand? I made a call and everyone’s coming, you won’t stand a chance.” Tim speaks, his voice cold as ice.
“Well, then that makes it two of us. Don’t you think I’ve made a call as well? There’s gonna be a blood bath when both our boys get here.” I say.
Tim blinks. He slowly lowers his gun.
“What the hell are you doing?” Fred screams. I can tell if he had a gun right now, he would probably shoot Tim first.
Tim glances at Fred. His gun raises again but this time, it’s pointing at Fred.
“I’m doing exactly what you did to my parents 10 years ago.” Tim replies wryly.
Fred’s mouth is now as wide as a cow’s arse.
“Tim, what on earth are you on about? What parents? What did I do? I don’t even know your parents."
Tim slightly tilts his head:
“Oh you know my parents alright! You just didn’t know me.”
“I really don’t know what you’re talking about, man. Whatever this is, it’s a mistake.” Fred begs.
“C’mon Fred, use your brain, dig deep, remember what you did 10 years ago? Remember how you started? With that grocery store owner? You thought you shot the parents, the kids, the grandparents, the nephews, nieces, cousins, uncles, aunties, the entire family tree. Well, not exactly. My parents had 8 kids. I’m one of his sons. I was away that day.” Tim speaks through grinding teeth.
Fred’s jaw drops. He starts blinking nervously as he sweats some more like a pig in the middle of a blazing summer day.
“No, no, Tim, listen to me. It wasn’t me. It was Joe Moe who initiated the whole deal. You gotta trust me on this. Joe wanted to shoot your family, not me.”
“Don’t you dare putting it on me, you maggot! Richard, shoot them!” Joe screams.
“Click”. Joe can hear a gun cocking sound next to his temple. He looks up. His face freezes as if he’s seeing a ghost.
You remember the grocery store owner whose family Joe and Fred massacred? I forgot to mention that 3 of his kids were away the day their family died. I’m one of the two sons.
*
Making it look like a gang shootout with pretty much everybody dead afterwards will buy us plenty of time to flee this country. It won’t be long before another gang and more new gangs form to take over these towns after Joe Moe’s and Fred Baker’s death, but frankly, we don't care. Revenge is done and now it’s time to pick up our little sister. She’ll be waiting to order us around the house to make up for busting her lips and some other bruises even though she stepped up for it. Tonight, she’ll be cooking the only thing she knows how to cook: meatball spaghetti. As we sink our teeth into the juicy meatballs, each of us won’t be able to help but silently think of Fred Baker’s balls, which were still intact when he died.
Now that is awkward.
The end.