A Humourous Selection # 1

[Biggus]

SINCE THE BBC SACKED ALL THE DALEKS # 1

Since the BBC sacked all the Daleks
Most are just scrounging off the state
But there is one working at our salon
He doesn’t really communicate
And he scares a lot of the customers
When is says “Exfoliate, exfoliate”

DANIELLE ASKED RAY

Danielle asked Ray
“How was your check up today?
Was everything ok?”
Ray replied rather glum
“All was going fine, ho hum
Then he stuck his finger up my bum”
Danielle tried to reassure
“Well that’s standard procedure
Yes of course I’m sure”
Ray said “if you insist
Then for now I will persist
And stay with the same Dentist”

THEY SAY YOU SHOULD APPROACH LOVE

They say you should approach love
And cooking with the same reckless abandon
Well I’ve seen my girlfriend make an omelette
So I don’t think I need to go on

MY TACTIC

My tactic, come bed time
At the said time
Is to pull your night gown
Right down
Because there is no headroom
In your bedroom

EINSTEIN A GO-GO # 1

The theory of relativity
Or so I always thought
Meant if you go with a cousin
Don’t get caught

I’M A GRADUATE OF YALE

I’m a graduate of Yale
A name you can trust
Though I am not elitist
I can still do Chubb if I must

SEX IN SUBURBIA

Somewhere across this land
In house’s gable ended
Some frisky young frau’s
Are being table ended

I’M A LITTLE DESPOT

I’m a little despot
Short and stout
Hear my people
Scream and shout

I say jump
They ask how high
If they don’t
Then they die

I am the chosen
But not by them
I am the chosen
I tell them when

I’m a little despot
So they say
See my people
Wake up one day

MAIL CALL

I spoke into the envelope
Saying “I really love you Gail”
Then I sealed the envelope
And posted my voice mail

I DON’T TRUST A MAN

“I don’t trust a man”
(Normally that says it all)
That goes for most of them
“But I don’t trust a man”
Who doesn't close his eyes
When I kiss him”

[AuntShecky]

Dear Big Gus--

I hope LitNutters are reading your stuff on a regular basis. I know I will, starting today.

--"BBC" I"m sorry I can't comment on this particular one, 'cause of lack of familiarity w. the subject. (We get BBCA over here in the U.S. of A, but I know not of the Daleks.) The "exfoliate" business is intrinsically funny, though.

--"Danielle Asked Ray" Funny situation. Reminds me of a "true" story I heard
Presidential historian Michael Bescloss tell (on tv) about Eleanor Roosevelt. She came home from a doctor appointment one day, and FDR asked her how the medical exam went. "Fine," she said. "I'm in perfect health." Then FDR asked her, "But didn't he ask you about your big fat *** ? " And Eleanor said, "No, he didn't mention you at all."

"Einstein A- Go-Go"--punchline is funny,even if the title is about 40 years too late.

"I'm a Graduate of Yale" Final line meter a little off? What's "Chubb"-- the insurance company who sponsors PBS shows?

"Sex in Suburbia" -- the syntax is a little convoluted.

"I'm a Little Despot" -- perfect, syllable-by-syllable parody.

"They Say You Should Approach Love" and "My Tactic" both have pretty funny punchlines.

"Mail Call" Good use of "reverse" type of joke, but the meter is off.

"I Don't Trust a Man" needs a little rewording, smoothing out.

I really enjoyed reading these. If there's one thing the LitNet needs --not to mention the world at large-- is more laughs.

Auntie

[Biggus]

Thanks for the comments - The Daleks are the bad guys from Dr Who, google them